Here is how I changed the way I gram, so that I could use this app for my benefit, without letting it drag me down.
Do you have Instagram on your phone?
Chances are that you have it, many of us do. It’s a great business tool. For me, it’s also the way I find out about the latest trends and even the news. The news is always first reported on Instagram. It’s just easier to find it there. You scroll, first thing in the morning, one eye open, and in a matter of minutes you know what’s the best mascara brand (for today), which restaurant you def need to try next, what colors are in this fall and whether Israel has had a peaceful night or not. It’s all there.
So, why is it that, 9 out of 10 times Instagram leaves us with a “yucky” feeling?
To be honest, I had a hard time coming up with a term here. Not sure if yucky is even English per se but couldn’t find a better way to describe that moment when I turn Instagram off and never say, “Oh, that was productive! Now I know which mascara to buy and where I’m making reservations for tonight.” Rather, I will feel sluggish, unaccomplished and like I just wasted a lot of time. (Because I did) (It’s never just 5 minutes.)
Now, I know what you are thinking. What about the wonderful community of Instagram? The friends I made along the way? My clients who are so devoted and loyal, who generate most of my sales? Because, I can launch a product for all I want on my website but I will only see the sales once I tell my followers that the new item is live.
So no, I’m not taking all that away. There’s definitely a pretty part to Instagram and that’s the reason why I’m still there, posting daily and interacting. But, that “yucky” feeling, it’s still there. Community or not. And it got me thinking. I started to analyze the gram, as much as I could.
What was it about it that made me feel that way? What could I change to only maximize on the good parts of Instagram?
I did that for a few days, and I got my answers. Once I had that, I tweaked my own account. I can’t change others, that I know. But I COULD change how I do things, and I could create a better, safer space for myself. Here’s what I learned:
1. Use your Instagram account as a playbook. Not a diary. You pick what you post and your life should be yours. When people meet you, they shouldn’t have to know everything about you. That doesn’t feel good, for anyone. It’s not normal or natural. Ideally, your posts should be about what it is you do (food, makeup, fashion. Whatever.) with a sprinkling of what I like to call “extra curricular” to make you more human and more approachable. But, not too much of that. People followed you for your content. Stick to the script. Stay true to your brand.
2. Talk about what you do, not about what is done for you. Let me explain: when @instagramgirl123 (pretend Instagram person) posts about the gorgeous new bracelet she received from her husband, the vacation her mom surprised her with for her 30th, the breakfast in bed that her kids made for her on Mother’s Day… (the list goes on) (and on) it just screams “look at me” and accomplishes absolutely nothing. Nobody is really happy for @instagramgirl123 even though they might comment with lots of loving messages and emojis. People have a hard time seeing that, that’s the reality.
We all know those influencers who constantly put it in your face. I’m not talking about once in a while. I’m talking about the constant show that makes you doubt the people in your life with silly thoughts like “Why didn’t my kids make me waffles today and bring them to my bed?” (Probably because they know that you do intermittent fasting and you only eat at 11 am) or “Why didn’t my mom organize a trip to Greece for my 30th with all my siblings?” (because she babysat your 1 year old for 2 days so that you can celebrate your 30th with a much needed break, alone with your husband, but who remembers that.) (Also, you don’t really want to go to Greece with your siblings) and “Why didn’t I get a bracelet like that?” (You just put a down payment for your dream home. Enough said).
@instagramgirl123 made you doubt all your relationships before 8 am today. Was it worth it? Do your loved ones deserve that? You know the answer to both those questions.
That’s how I decided to talk more about what I do. And less of what’s done for me, no matter how special. Because, not everyone is as lucky as me. Not everyone has a husband. Or a mom. Or children. I will show you how I cooked a special dinner for my spouse to celebrate a milestone, rather than bragging how he cooked for me. I will show how I take the time to volunteer at my Shul, I will talk about my struggle with healthy eating, I will even show you the gift I put together for my mom’s birthday. I will try to inspire, without sounding preachy. What I do, when I can, in real life style.
3. Don’t be shy to unfollow. Don’t love what @instagramgirl123 is doing? Or, don’t feel like seeing what she is up to? It’s simple. Unfollow. You can always change your mind later. Remember, you control your feed.
4. Set up a time limit. It’s easy to do. And even if you choose to ignore the time limit, at least there is accountability. You will find yourself being aware of how much time you actually spend on Instagram. I learnt how to do that from BCP (see this post here, specifically the part where they talk about app limits). This post was inspired by BCP’s Drop The Phone campaign. If you haven’t heard about it, read about it here. As an avid BCP fan, I followed along the first time they launched this initiative and it got me to slow down and think about how I feel about Instagram.
I really hope that this post was helpful to you. And, although I would love to tell you my Instagram handle and have you follow me and my amazing content (wink wink), I will not. I gave away too much here, so I will choose to stay anonymous. But please, do share in the comments, your thoughts and feelings on this topic. I would love to hear from you.
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Anonymous says
A while ago I bought a new home. It was unique, full of character, spacious, and with much room for me to upgrade everything eventually. Keyword being EVENTUALLY. I followed everything home design related to get inspired as well as interior designers and construction company sights. It left me feeling so ungrateful to what I had and so jealous to what I didn’t and to what “everyone” in the palm of my hand on Instagram seemed to have. (This is in addition to following fashion bloggers and children clothing stores all to be able to be at the head of the next trend because that’s what Instagram did to me. I was never like that before. As well as food bloggers, entertainment sources etc. I was addicted completely, wasting so much time on the app.) I went through such buyers remorse with my new home I couldn’t even enjoy it after moving in and was really depressed. One night I went out with a very wise friend and was in tears about how I’m feeling and she told me DELETE INSTAGRAM. It was really hard. I blocked it with the block site app using a password I cud never remember. And it was HARD. I really felt out of the loop. How can I shop for myself and my kids for the new season not knowing what’s “out there?” How would I know what paint color is on trend when I redo my playroom? A few weeks passed. And the peace of mind. Oh the peace of mind!!! I’d never go back! And I absolutely love my house! Instagram is extremely unhealthy. I understand the necessity for people using it for business but for people like me who were using it for “ideas” and entertainment, and you’re left feeling “yucky” do yourselves, your husband and children a favor and delete and block it.
Yael says
Thank you for this post.
I know WhatsApp is different but I am struggling with WhatsApp.
Just the constantly being privy to these group conversations and inside jokes. I already turned off notifications so hard to leave though esp with extended international family.
Any tips??
Shira says
Archive the chats you don’t need every second. Archive is the best. You can check it when you have free time. Or mute them!
Shev says
I wish I had the self control to delete instagram but then I’ll have major FOMO. It is the best way to shop or get inspiration for home or outfits. The proliferation of Jewish bloggers makes it function like a cool jewish womens magazine! I have a time limit set for the app via screen time and I try to unfollow people that don’t make my happy but I still feel gross when I finally pull myself away. It’s a major time suck.
Yael says
Great idea thank you!
Shira says
What’s the block site app?? Please share!
Anonymous says
I think it’s really nice that people think that instagram is necessary to the success of their business, but I think that it makes pepole lose sight of Who actually controls parnossah….
S.G. says
I think the struggle for me on Instagram was the browsing of suggested accounts to follow and things I saw there that I shouldn’t have seen. Unless you have a self control made out of steel it’s hard not to keep just endlessly scrollling.
S.G. says
I mean even with the time limits… because you can’t block the “browse” section of instragram and just stick with who you follow. I wish I could’ve blocked the suggestions and then I wouldn’t be bombarded with celebrity news and tiktoks etc.
Gitty says
I struggle with Instagram too. I love consuming so much of the great content put out, I love shopping brand sales at the end of the season, but it’s really hard to set limits on this stuff and it’s a huge time waster.
mimi says
I deleted mine and couldn’t be happier and prouder of myself. Yes it was fun to chill with but it made me want to spend so much money and it was also so addictive. I still wish I had that chill sometimes but I’m feeling strong and confident in my decision.
Debby says
Me too! I blocked out Instagram and live a much more authentic happier life!
anonymous says
I got a new phone and made the decision not to put instagram on it. I don’t have a business, and never posted anything, but the amount of time we waste on it is huge. Also like others said it just felt like everyone was using you to increase their revenue. obviously all advertisers are trying to sell you things, but instagram takes it to a whole new level! after the technology event in June, there are business that closed their accounts- kol hakavod to them!
Anonymous says
Wow!!! In my family/ community instagram isn’t part of life so I dont have the challenge BUT I look up at all GIANTS that do have the challenge & choose to overcome it….. U ARE BUILDING THE FUTURE!!!!
Rivi says
Instagram is a terrible place for about a million reasons. And while giving it up means giving up on the feeling of being in the know and being up on trends, recipes, and useful content, that’s not what it brings to your life. Bottom line it brings lack of privacy, exposure to things and ideas that would ordinarily disgust you, and a free reign of everyone else’s opinions, haves and hashkafa. Don’t kid yourself into thinking you are in control. If you have it, they control you.
Sori says
The “free reign” to everyone’s opinion and hashkafos can’t be understated. There is so much subtle and not so subtle problematic opinions that filter through! This was a big part in my decision to remove instagram
Sara says
I don’t have instagram now bh but I don’t think it’s nice to show others when you are cooking a meal for your spouse or kids either. Let there be some privacy in your life. For YOUR sake.
I wouldn’t tell my friends in real life how I celebrated with my husband or what we do for each other. These things are private. A little thing yes but in general keep in mind that the more you keep between your spouse and family the more special your bond is
SY says
I used to have wassap and found myself constantly pulled to my phone to check what I was missing. I switched it over to my laptop. Now I log in once a day and check all the chats!!! New life in terms of connecting to myself, my children and my husband!!