Chanuka Is Here, and So Are the Toys!

How to handle the “new stuff” overload.

The doorbell rings. The kids scream “Bubby!” or “Savta!”, and bolt toward the door faster than they ever run anywhere else.  

You open it to find your Parents standing there, beaming with pride, holding the world’s largest gift bag. You’re genuinely touched, they love your children, but a small part of you is panicking as you mentally scroll through every closet.  

Where in the world are you going to fit these newest “must-have” toys? 

If one more talking doll, monster truck or 500-piece “creative craft kit” crosses the threshold,  you may have to move out and let the toys have the house. 

Let’s talk about toys.

And before we do, let me tell you a story about how this whole journey  began for me. 

When Toys Took Over My Life

It was a regular weekday afternoon.  

The playroom looked like Toys “R” Us had exploded. I remember sitting cross-legged on the floor, surrounded by every kind of toy imaginable.  

I was tired. I’d spent the morning cleaning, the afternoon cooking, and here I was again, for the third time that week, reorganizing bins, labeling shelves, trying to outsmart the chaos. 

And suddenly, it hit me like a wave: no system in the world can fix too much stuff. I sat there frozen. It wasn’t that I needed to organize better. I needed less to organize.  

This wasn’t just a messy room; it was a mirror of my mind. Overstuffed. Overstimulated. Over everything. 

So, I did something drastic. I grabbed a few duffel bags, started filling them with anything we didn’t need, and within an hour the room looked, and felt, different.  

Clutter in our homes isn’t just about stuff. It’s about the noise that fills our lives, the stress that clouds our minds, and the overwhelm that keeps us from  enjoying our families. 

Why Toys? Why Now? 

This is for every mother who feels both grateful and overwhelmed, who wants to protect her peace and her relationships, and who doesn’t want to sound ungrateful when she says: Enough. 

They Mean Well. (They Really Do.) 

Let’s get this out of the way: the people who buy our kids gifts are the good people in our  lives.  

They adore our children.  

They want to see their faces light up.  

They want to be the reason for that squeal of delight when the wrapping paper flies. They mean well – really, really well. 

But somewhere between their beautiful intentions and our already bursting toy bins, things get… complicated. 

Someone once told me, “Ellie, I feel awful saying this, but I secretly hope my mother forgets to bring Chanuka presents this year.”  

And honestly, I get it.  

Too much love, when it shows up as too much stuff, can tip the whole house into  overload.  

It’s not the love we’re rejecting; it’s the avalanche of STUFF that we’re rejecting. The Playroom 

Now, let’s deal with your playroom. If your playroom overwhelms you, just imagine how it  feels to your kids. 

When you ask your kids to clean up and they melt down, push back, or suddenly go limp like  spaghetti, it’s not because they’re testing you. They’re completely overwhelmed. 

Their little brains scan the room and think: Where do I even start? Puzzle pieces? Magnetic  tiles? That random plastic slice of pizza under the dollhouse? They freeze before they begin. 

Psychologists call this decision fatigue. It basically means that when you have too many  options, you shut down. Your children’s brains, still developing those focus-and-follow through muscles, get stuck in overdrive. 

What do I mean by that? 

Focus is your brain’s ability to zero in on a task and stay with it.  

Follow-through is the part that helps you finish what you started.  

And guess what? Those are skills, not instincts. Kids aren’t born knowing how to do this.  They have to learn it. Slowly. Over time. With your help. 

So, when they’re standing in a room with five million pieces and a parent yelling, “Cleanup  already!” their brain goes: focus on what? And how do I even begin? 

Meanwhile, we think they’re being dramatic. But they’re not. They’re just overwhelmed by  too much.  

A child’s refusal to clean up isn’t a discipline issue. It’s not laziness, and it’s not bad behavior.  It’s a systems issue.  

And that system starts with us.  

We are the gatekeepers of our homes.  

If there’s too much stuff for them to manage, that’s on us- we allowed it to stay.

I always say it’s our job as mothers to raise capable human beings. Part of being a capable  human is knowing how to manage your space, how to put things back and tidy up your own  messes. These are real life skills, just like tying shoes, making beds, or brushing teeth. 

But they can’t learn those skills when they’re buried under piles of plastic.  If you want them to succeed, simplify their environment.  

Make the cleanup task match their developmental ability.  

In other words: give them fewer toys and clearer homes for each thing. You’ll be amazed at  what they can accomplish when the mess is truly manageable. 

After you’ve simplified so that it is truly easy for them to maintain, and manage, teach them  that their belongings are their responsibility, not yours. Every item has a home, and it’s their  job to return it. Not because Mommy said so, but because that’s what grown-up humans do. 

Wondering if it’s time to declutter? Here are the signs: 

• You ask them to clean up and everyone (including you) wants to cry. • The playroom looks like a toy store exploded and then got hit by a tornado. • You catch yourself saying, “Don’t open that, it has too many pieces,” at least once a  week. 

• They can’t clean up unless you hover over them like a drill sergeant. • You hide toys just to make cleanup feel possible. 

If this sounds familiar, then its time for you to declutter drastically.  

Quick Tip: Always Have a Donation Box 

Seriously, always. A bin or box labeled “Giveaway” is great. And let everyone know where it is.  Let them help fill it regularly. It normalizes letting go. 

“But What If My Kids Keep Asking for More?!” 

And I know you may be asking: 

“What should I do if my kids keep asking for more toys, even though they can’t manage the  mountain of stuff they already have?” 

Here’s what to tell your kids (and yourself) on repeat: 

1. We always, always make space before we bring in more. 

That means: we declutter first.  

You want a new craft kit? Amazing. Let’s go through the bin of dried-out markers and  half-used sticker books first.  

Want a new backpack? Cool, let’s see which ones you’ve outgrown or never use. 

2. We take care of what we already have. 

If you want something new, show me you can take care of what’s already here. 

That means keeping it off the floor, not losing half the pieces, and putting it back  where it belongs without ten reminders.  

Because why would we bring in more, if we can’t stay on top of what we already  have? 

3. We earn and wait for new things. 

Just like grown-ups don’t get everything they want the second they want it, kids need  to learn that waiting and working for something makes it mean more. This builds  patience.  

And, it teaches them that “want” and “need” are not the same thing, and neither  one equals “right now.” 

So next time your kids start begging for something new, you can smile and say, “I’d love to help you get that… as soon as I see you taking care of what you already have.” “Let’s go check your shelves and see what we can donate to make space for it.” 

That’s how we raise kids who know what to do with more when it comes. 

The Psychology of Too Many Toys 

Did you know? A University of Toledo study gave toddlers four toys instead of sixteen and  found they played twice as long and used the toys more imaginatively. Less really is more. 

My Favorite Toy Alternatives 

I’m not anti-toy; I’m anti-chaos.  

So, here are some non-clutter ideas: 

• Gift experiences: “XXX & Me” dates, a family annual pass, ice cream coupons,  museum memberships. Memories over stuff! 

• Consumables: Baking kits, art supplies, art kids, bubble bath. Fun things that get  used up and don’t stick around forever. 

• A truly wanted item: A new water bottle, a fanny pack, a backpack, money toward a  more expensive purchase like a scooter or bike. One meaningful item is far more  valuable than ten random ones. 

It’s your home. You get to decide what’s in it. 

The Pre-Declutter

Here’s one of my favorite rules: always declutter before the new stuff arrives. Make it fun, put  on music, hand everyone a bag, and call it a “toy party.”  

Say something like, “We’re going to pick our absolute favorite toys and send the others on to  new homes. That way, when new gifts come, we have space for them.”  

Let your kids donate their old toys to a Gemach or a family who could use them. Kids love  knowing their old favorites will make someone else happy. 

• Keep only what your kids play with at least once a week. 

• Toss anything broken or with missing pieces. 

• Get rid of duplicates  

We Love You, But Please, No More Toys 

This Chanukah, don’t be afraid to have a no gifts talk.  

Because a calm, manageable home is the greatest gift you can give everyone in your  home.  

And, to all the amazing grandparents, aunts, uncles and family friends: We love you. We  appreciate you! We are so lucky to have you! 

But please… no more toys. 

We’re good on stuff. What we really want more of is peace.  

And of course, more quality time, because quality time is the greatest gift of all.

For more gifts that don’t create clutter, see this post.