Finding Meaning in the Madness

Nine Life Lessons of Purim

Purim is a Yom Tov like no other in the sheer craziness it brings. First, there are weeks preceding it with so many decisions to make. This is no where should we spend first days and last days, and what side dishes should I make with my Sukkos roast. There are costumes and mishloach manos to settle upon, themes and labels to agonize over, seudahs to orchestrate, a huge variety of tzedakahs to collect for. Then comes the shopping frenzy, with costume popups and nosh aisles and spirit stores packed to the rafters. And then the packaging and the sewing, the poem writing and label making. The hours and hours over perfecting that mishloach manos and developing that theme. All this precedes one day of non-stop joy and motion and a frenzy of celebration and mitzvos, all while navigating a town on wheels, delirious from the heady exhilaration of the day.

But this alone is not what Purim is all about. It is one day of fun, but it is also one day that is packed with so much inspiration, so much opportunity for growth and so many foundations of our belief system, all in one day. Every Yom Tov has its deeper meaning and its lessons, so in what way is Purim like no other? For one, it’s the one Yom Tov that is built around the revelry, the one day that is yom mishteh v’simchah, that requires masquerades and bisumei and all that fun stuff. The heights of joy bely the depths of meaning when viewed from the outside. Also, with all of that significance packed into only one day of Yom Tov, Purim has the greatest meaning per minute ratio of any other day in the Jewish calendar. Sort of like Yom Kippur. And because of all that revelry, it is the day whose meaning we are most likely to pass over, tipsy as we are. Yom Kippur is all about the meaning. Purim is all about finding the hidden meaning in the merriment.

 To help you find it, here are nine powerful life lessons we can take from Purim.

Remove the facade 

On Purim things aren’t as they seem, but they are more real than they ever are. We wear costumes to show that things are turned on their head on this topsy-turvy day, but they are costumes that reveal our deepest desires. We drink to strip ourselves from our inhibition, so that our true holiest essence can be revealed. Purim is a day on which stranger becomes brother and a mask of indifference is peeled to reveal the raw vulnerability of desire and growth. When everything became the opposite in the Purim story, that was how it was meant to be all along. Megillas Esther, revealing the hidden, refers to the hidden hashgachah (see below) but can also refer to the hidden parts of ourselves that come to the fore on this day of merriment. Your kids will tell you that Purim is a day to “let go,” and you will strongly disagree. But there is a bit of truth in that. No, it’s not a day to let go of our yiras shomayim and indulge in what is forbidden all year round, but it is a day to let go of our facade and get in touch with our inner self.

Bring it Home: In what ways are you influenced by society around you? What are you trying to prove to others? Who do you portray yourself to be and who are you really? Take a moment on Purim to answer these questions, and find one place to allow your authentic self to shine through instead of working so hard to make an “impression.”

The Power of Tefillah

Things seemed hopeless, and yet look at how they turned out! Mordechai gathered the children of Kllal Yisroel, the precious tinokos shel bais rabbon and ensured their pure voices soared to the heavens to overturn the gezeirah. Their tefillos unlocked the gates of yeshuah, and the koach hatefillah has become embedded in the very fabric of this day. Kol haposhet yad nosnim lo. Several years ago, I wrote an article on the power of tefillah on Purim, and I heard story after story of people who davened with particular kavanah on Purim and saw tremendous yeshuos. Purim showed that tefilos can turn around the direst situation, can pull a people with an expiration date looming and take them to the very pinnacle of glory.

Bring it home: Purim is a hectic day and there is not a moment to spare. Except that there must be a couple of moments there for tefillah. It’s hard, but so vital. Wake up a few minutes early to daven, or spend some time the night before. However you swing it, make sure to get a few minutes of heartfelt tefillah in on Purim. And for those few minutes, daven like your life depends on it, because truthfully, it does. 

Never Lose Hope

It’s hard to fathom the despair of the Jewish people at the time of their Purim story. They seemed irrevocably doomed to total annihilation. There was a decree! With the king’s seal! Their only hope, their friend in the palace, turned her back on them by cavorting with the enemy himself! Could there be a situation any more hopeless? It seemed that no one could possibly extricate them from the mess they were in. No one, but Hashem. And extricate He did. In the most powerful way possible, He used the symbols of despair to bring about the miracle of salvation. Every Yom Tov brings with it a powerful element of emunah, and Purim is no different. Just like Hashem saved the Yidden of that time from a horrible decree, Hashem can bring about the salvation you are seeking in your own life. No challenge is too hopeless for Him. Have faith, and He will deliver. 

Bringing it Home: As you sit and listen to the Purim story unfold through the words of the megillah, allow the salvation to strengthen the hope in your own heart. And as you pack up to leave the shul and head into the whirlwind of your day, take a moment to bring to mind a situation in your own life that seems hopeless. Take the next moment to apply that newly strengthened hope to this situation and empower you to trust in Him with a full heart. 

He is always there

The saga of Purim is one long episode in hashgachah pratis. It so clearly defines Hashem’s position as mashgiach min hachalonos, meitzitz min hacharakim. So many random occurrences, occurrences that at first brought together a supremely troubling picture, before the very source of bad became the catalyst for good, and even the tiniest details fell into place. This level of hashgachah is visible in every one of our lives, we only have to look out for it. If we’re lucky we can see it clearly in hindsight, or even as we go along. So many details working out just so down to exact timing and seemingly insignificant minutiae. Vashti getting killed to make way for the yeshuah in the palace. (How many times do you see the refuah in your life before the makah rears its ugly head, the former only apparent once the latter happens?) Haman showing up at the palace just at the moment when he needed to carry out his part in this perfectly orchestrated script. (How many times do you see the hashgachah in timing: the song that comes on the radio exactly when you needed to hear it; the friend who calls at the very moment you needed her?) There’s the gallows that should have been the climax of tragedy and instead became the pinnacle of yeshuah. (How many times has the thing you thought was the worst thing in the world turn out to not only be not that bad, but actually the very best thing that could happen?) Not a single open miracle, and yet one long natural miracle. It is the story of our lives. 

Bring it home: Purim is a day ripe with opportunities for seeing the hashgachah in the small things in life. You can find it in the weather, in the way you managed to make it to the teacher with not a moment to spare, in how a wrong turn ended up leading you down a far less trafficky road. Look for the hashgachah and you will find it!

Our Divine Mission

The words umi yodeiah im laes kazos higat limalchus are some of the most poignant, powerful words in the entire megillah. We are all placed in this world, and in our particular space in this world, for a purpose. Our life mission is to achieve that purpose and make the world a better place in the process. Ours is not to know our mission, for there is so much that must be done in our journey toward achieving it. But the most tragic consideration is that of one who was brought face to face with his destiny, with his unique mission and purpose and passes on by. We never know why we are placed in the circumstances in which we are placed, and sometimes they are painful ones. But every detail surrounding our lives, perplexing as it may seem, is put into place to help us achieve our noble mission. And when an opportunity comes our way to make a difference, an opportunity that is powerful in its impact but painful in its execution, we must ask ourselves, “And who knows if every event in our lives brought us to this place, for this very purpose?” Not everyone is blessed with the knowledge of what their mission is once they’ve carried it out, but we must at least ensure to live our lives in a way that we don’t allow our sacred task to slip from between our fingers. 

Bring it Home: This is a lifelong endeavor, so it is hard to actualize it on one day, but you can work on being more mission-focused this day. It doesn’t even take any time out of your day, because it’s not about what you do, but rather how you look at life. There will be boundless opportunities to exercise your patience muscles,boundless frustrations and disappointments to allow you to work on overcoming your instinctive negativity and working on your positive attitude, and there will be boundless chesed opportunities that you wish you could just pass on by in the hectic frenzy of the day. When you remind yourself that you were placed in this moment of time for a purpose, and everything going on around you can be a tool to grow and help others, you will be achieving your destiny one small Purim moment at a time.

Achdus

The reaction to Haman’s terrifying edict, one built on the premise of am mefuzar umefurad, a nation spread apart, was lech kinos es kol hayehudim, gather them all together. When we are besieged from the outside, we must huddle together on the inside. We are thankful to Hashem that we don’t live under the terrifying threat of worldwide genocide, but there are whispers all around us. We need to do what we should have done all along: stop rejecting Yidden who are different from us, stop creating rifts that create chasms between brother and brother, sister and sister. You don’t have to agree with someone to respect them; you don’t have to be on the same religious, socioeconomic, or any level as someone to embrace and to love them As my wise grandmother likes to say, “We have enough people who hate us, the last thing we should be doing is hating each other.” 

Bring it Home: This Purim, include someone on your mishloach manos list who is different from you, someone you have not seen eye to eye with in the past. Extra bonus points if you use this Purim to heal a rift with friends, neighbors or family members. When a feud has been ongoing, it can be awkward to take the first steps to end the machlokes, even if you’ve come to the point where you want it to end already. Purim hands you the opportunity on a silver platter. Just bringing mishloach manos to someone you haven’t been on speaking terms with for a while makes a statement louder than words. And if you include a short, personal note expressing your apology, remorse or desire for friendship, you may just be the reason why we all will hear the ringing of the shofar before the day is out.

There’s no joy without giving

Amidst the merriment of Purim, the actual commandments to celebrate, are also very strict guidelines detailing the minimum one must give on this day. During our time of revelry, we are cautioned not to forget our brother, and surely not to overlook the struggles of those less fortunate than us. We can’t possibly sit down to our mishteh without first giving our matanas l’evyonim and mishloach manos.

Bring it home: This Purim, invite someone to your seudah, or visit someone during the day, who can use the boost. Give your matanos l’evyonim with the same passion as you planned your theme. 

And always, when you are experiencing joy, whether it is an actual simchah you are making, or life in general is going well, channel it outward. Figure out ways to give to others who may not be experiencing this joy. I know a couple who gives a donation to Bonei Olam every time they have a baby, and there are organizations that give you the opportunity to make a wedding for a poor couple on a day that you are marrying off your own child. It doesn’t have to be so drastic and it doesn’t have to be monetarily. Opportunities for giving are endless and your joy is not complete until you’ve capitalized on some of them.

The danger of unbridled hedonism

Seudas Achashveirosh was “advertised” as a kosher event, with allowances made for the Jewish residents of the capital. Many Jews had the best of intentions when attending, but look where that ended. Excessive gashmiyus starts out innocently enough, but with enough figurative wine flowing, boundaries are soon crossed and sinful delights soon morph into actual sins. Our focus needs to be turned away from the gashmiyus and onto the gedolei hador whose wise counsel ensures that we always remain on the right path. We live in a time of plenty, in a country of plenty. Even those who struggle to make ends meet find luxuries heretofore unheard of well within their grasp. It’s so easy to get lured in by the glitz and glitter of gashmiyus. But the Purim story is here to remind us that falling prey to the call of the material is just the beginning of a very steep and slippery slope. And in the Purim celebration, we learn that the antidote to pervasive gashmiyus is not asceticism and complete rejection of gashmiyus, but rather taking gashmiyus and elevating it to ruchniyus.  It’s a call to take a look at all of our indulgences and make sure we are using them to come closer to Hashem, instead of further, chas veshalom.

Bring it Home: Don’t get carried away by all of the gashmiyus this Purim. When you wash and bentch for your seudah, do so with the kavanah you have on Neilah on Yom Kippur. Make sure that the mishteh Purim you are sitting down to resembles a seudas mitzvah, not a seudas Achashveirosh.  

Avodas Hashem is no serious matter 

Okay, of course avodas Hashem is a very serious matter. But it’s not only a serious matter. Purim comes to show us that there is room for joy too in the service of Hashem. It’s amazing how the day of so much joy is also the day of so much ruchniyus. Some of us tend to equate seriousness with avodas Hashem. How many times have you been redt a shidduch with a top bochur and heard him described as a “happy bochur?” It’s always a “serious bochur,” And while seriousness is a great maaleh to have, along comes Purim to tell us that the greatest levels of holiness come from achieving the greatest levels of joy. We don’t take a  break from avodas Hashem to party on Purim, but rather we use our merriment as a tool in our avodas Hashem. Today, we draw closer to Hashem through joy as opposed to through solemnity. And while yiras Hashem and ahavas Hashem are vital, and we cannot say which is a greater path, joy or solemnity, we do know that the most awe-inspiring, serious day of the year is only “ke-Purim.”

Bring it Home: Take your children by the hand do a little Purim dance. Sing songs of Torah, emunah and simchas hayom. Let them feel the joy of avodas Hashem when they are little, so that they cleave to it when they are grown. 

Reprinted with permission from the Lakewood Shopper Family Room.