How to find calm when the house is a mess.
Editor’s Note: A few weeks ago, we featured this post on straightening up really quickly. The first tip was to focus on the front of the house–a term Deena has called “House Mullet” (and she’ll explain why below). She tells us more about the concept and strategy in this post.
I am not typically a fan of a mullet. You know the hairstyle with the wide bangs in the front and the long do in the back? It is the “ business in the front, party in the back” hairstyle which allows one to look serious up front with the short hair and have the party in the back with the long hair. But there is a mullet I do like to rock–a house mullet. I coined this term when I realized it was a great method for me to manage my busy home filled with five children and lots of guests. My house mullet isn’t a party in the front and business in the back, rather, clean in the front and messy in the back.
Sharing a home with children means mess. There will always be messes made and it can sometimes feel like a never ending battle against the mess. My house mullet method helps me to embrace the mess yet still have some peace and calm with some areas which are neat.
Every home has a different layout but I have found there is always some sort of entry and usually one or two rooms in the front when you enter that I was focused on keeping uncluttered and maintaining a neat space. It was the same concept whether we were in our first studio apartment to our two bedroom apartment to our houses.
Clean in the front means keeping those front spaces uncluttered and easy to pick up. When the house feels destroyed after a busy Shabbos with tons of company and messes, I get my mullet back into shape and get the front clean again. These spaces are typically not the spaces you really live in. The first step to having a house mullet is evaluating the front spaces and how to declutter and simplify those spaces so they are easy to put back together and get neat again. Once you have the neat spaces in the front, they should be the first thing to neaten up and the spaces you consistently maintain. It should be easy to get them back to their original state. Sometimes that means even just relocating the mess from the front to the back! It removes the mess in the front and maintains that clean space that no longer needs to be dealt with. The mess will go to where the rest of the mess is and can be dealt with at the right time.
We cannot be constantly cleaning and keeping every space in our home neat. With the neat in the front it leaves room for the messy in the back. The entire house is not a mess. Everyone has a different tolerance for mess in their lives and in their home but the house mullet enables a good balance between neat and messy in a busy home.
The mess in the back is in the spaces we are really living in day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute. Typically the kitchen, maybe a family room or playroom. For me it feels impossible to consistently maintain neat spaces in the back. The minute I clean up, it gets messy again. A busy home filled with beautiful things like children and meals and guests creates lots of beautiful messes—all good messes but messes to be dealt with just the same. Of course the mess in the back can’t be totally disregarded and never cleaned up but maintaining it doesn’t have to be the goal. Letting the mess in the back play its course and then finding your right time to clean it up–maybe once a day in the evening. Or small clean ups that make it manageable but not mess free. I happen to be someone who prefers to leave a mess and go to sleep and do a clean up in the morning. Some people can’t go to sleep with a dish in their sink. Everyone finds their right time to deal with the mess, it just can’t be constantly trying to maintain mess free in the back of the house mullet. Accepting and allowing the mess makes it feel like it’s OK and meant to be. It’s an intentional mess which can feel less overwhelming. The beauty of all messes is that they can always be cleaned up. No matter how bad the mess in the back gets, at some point it will all get cleaned up. Having the clean in the front will make the mess in the back feel much better.
Sometimes when my house is bouncing and there is major mess in the back, I go into my front living room. It is intentionally very minimalist and there really is nothing to create mess in that space besides for the sports cards trading conventions my boys hold almost every Shabbos with friends. After I have relocated all cards, I sit down for a few minutes and take a few deep breaths. The neat in the front of my house mullet brings me calm in a chaotic home. It really has helped me to manage my home while still being able to open my home up and share it with friends and family like I love to. And with those five kids who make a lot of mess but also a lot of love.
I understand how this works in a big house but how does it work in an apartment or small house where you walk in and see the whole thing and you live in all areas?
Was thinking the same… love this concept but our front room is the living room and playroom – there is no “back room” that gets turned upside down!!
Same here, bh I have more space now, but you used to walk in to one room that was my whole house practically, open into the kitchen. No house mullet there for sure!
Love this idea! Always looking for new ways to keep my home looking organized!
I try to do this in my (small) apartment too! It makes such a difference
Your house is beautiful, I love the decor.
Can I ask where the kitchen table and chairs are from?
Thanks!
What a great concept, simple and doable!
The color palette in the living room is so pretty, would love to know where the curtains are from?
In my small home, my house mullet is any space I can see when I walk through the door. So it does have parts of the family room (not the whole thing – most but not all) and parts of the kitchen (again not the whole thing), but only the parts of the room I can see from the door get tidied and the mess is put into the part of the room that can’t be seen (like next to the couch, or the kitchen table or counter that are out of view) Same concept really.
Just have to say it is so validating to see that messy kitchen!! It’s briging me a lot of joy right now 🙂
I love how real you are! Especially posting messy pictures of your home especially in todays day and age!! Thank you real practical post!
For all those commenting how it’s practical for a small house. What I do is I keep one surface totally clean. It can be a counter, a desk, the dining room table… it really helps.
Thank you for this great idea. Your home is beautiful. I love how you shared honest real pictures. Its validating to see that other people’s homes also get messy. I find it so hard to keep everything neat and clean all the time. Its like shoveling snow during a snow storm!! Part of having a happy home means that it wont always be in tip top shape. I’m looking forward to reading more posts like these.
Can I ask where your dining room chair are from?