From "Uh-Huh" to "I Totally Get You” - The 3 Levels of Listening

What kind of listener are you? How to turn up the sounds so you really hear when people are speaking to you.

You know how sometimes you’re chatting with someone – your bestie over coffee, your kids over supper, or even just a coworker – and you realize you haven’t really heard a word they said? Or maybe you’ve been pouring your heart out and got that feeling like you were talking to a brick wall?

It turns out, listening isn’t just about letting sound waves hit your eardrums. So, grab your tea (hot or iced) and let’s break down the three levels of listening.

Level 1: The “Uh-Huh, Totally… Wait, What?” Listener (Internal Listening)

Let’s be real, we all spend time here. This is when you’re technically hearing the other person, but your brain is mostly focused on you. Your inner monologue is running wild and you’re thinking:

“Okay, what am I going to say next?”
“Ugh, I need to pick up some milk for the baby.”
“Oh, that reminds me of that one time when I…”
“Did she notice my new wig?”

The spotlight is firmly pointed inwards. You might nod along, but you’re filtering everything through your own experiences, opinions, and agenda. Often enough, you’re just waiting for your turn to talk.

Now, it’s not always bad. Sometimes you need to just quickly process information. But, if you’re always stuck in Level 1 when someone’s trying to connect or share something important? It can make the other person feel unheard, dismissed, or like you just don’t care.

Level 2: The “Okay, I’m Really Tuning In” Listener (Focused Listening)

This is where the magic starts to happen! Level 2 is about shifting the spotlight firmly onto the other person. You’re genuinely curious about what they’re saying, feeling, and experiencing.

When you’re in Level 2, you’re doing things like:

Making eye contact
Asking clarifying questions like, “What did you mean by that?”
Nodding and using verbal cues (“Wow,” “Okay,” “I see”) to show you’re engaged.
Trying to really understand their perspective, even if you don’t agree with it.

This is the level of real connection. Your friend/child/spouse feels heard, validated, and understood. You actually get what they’re going through, beyond just the surface words. Think about the best conversations you’ve had – chances are, there was a lot of Level 2 listening happening on both sides.

Level 3: The “Listening Between the Lines” Listener (Global Listening)

This one is like the advanced level. Level 3 includes everything from Level 2 but it adds this extra layer of awareness. You’re not just hearing their words and watching them; you’re sensing the whole environment and the energy between you.

In Level 3, you’re noticing:

Their body language (Are they fidgeting? Tense? Relaxed?).
Their tone of voice (Does it match their words? Is there hesitation? Excitement?).
What isn’t being said – the pauses, the things they might be skirting around.
The overall mood or atmosphere of the conversation.

It’s about picking up on the subtle cues, the undercurrents that help you understand the deeper meaning and context. Maybe your friend says “I’m fine,” but in Level 3, you notice their slumped shoulders and quiet tone, and you sense that maybe things aren’t actually fine. It allows you to respond with even greater empathy and insight.

Putting It All Together

So, the goal isn’t to always be in Level 3 – that would be exhausting! And sometimes, Level 1 is necessary for quick info exchange. But the key is knowing these levels exist and being intentional about shifting gears, especially moving towards Level 2 when someone needs you to really listen.

Next time you’re chatting with someone important, try checking in with yourself. Are you mostly in your own head (Level 1), truly tuned into them (Level 2), or picking up on the bigger picture too (Level 3)? Just being aware can help you be more present and connected. Give it a try – you might be surprised how much more fulfilling your conversations become!