21 Invaluable Tips on Doing Chesed

Did you ever think that there is a better and best way to help?

‘אשרי משכיל אל דל ביום רעה ימלטהו ה

[Tehilim 41:2] The pasuk means that we need to use our wisdom to help people in the smartest way.

Here are some thoughts and tips on helping wisely.

1. Tzedakah versus Chesed
   Tzedaka is with money; chesed is with our talents and resources.
2. The Importance of Giving
   Chazal teach that the best protection for a person is to have others counting on him or her. It was Abraham’s first act after becoming a Jew. “The only possessions we have, are those we have given away to others.”
3. Empathy
   Work on your empathy; it is a big motivator to helping others. How would you feel in their position?
   a. Money is round and situations change. I know families that have gone financially both ways. How would you like to be treated?
   b. Don’t judge them. Assume they did and are doing the best they can.
4. Relatives
   You need to respond to the needs of your relatives first, though it is often hard. Valuable things are often hard.
5. Money
   Today, B’H, there is no lack of money for good causes. There is, however, a need for responsible people to take ownership of cases. If you can break through your insecurities and fundraise, you will be surprised how much people are willing to help!
6. Ma’aser
   R’ Moshe zt”l said that you need to give a tenth of your talents, as well as of your income.
7. Ownership
   Make a commitment to help because it is the right thing to do; whether or not you now have the resources for the solution. “Tzedaka” comes from the word “tzedek” – doing the right thing.
   a. “Don’t be a spectator, be a player.”
   b. Hashem only helps people after they make a commitment!
   c. Commitment builds self-esteem which breeds success.
   d. “Man makes efforts, Hashem accomplishes.”
8. Listen to them
   Build them
   Realize that listening to someone may be as great a kindness as helping them. Personal interest in them and their situation is invaluable to them. Give them hope!
9. Sooner
   a. Foresee a need in advance.
   b. Do not delay in helping someone, don’t make them worry or fear longer.
   c. Don’t make them ask twice.
10. Limits
    When you help someone, tell them what you are willing to do and for how long. You can decide later to extend your kindness; but this way you will not end your support with bad feelings.
11. Negotiate for Others
    It is hard for people to negotiate debt for themselves with landlords, vendors, professionals, service providers, etc. Do it for them!
12. Give a Little
    When you can’t contribute much to a cause, give something. That shows that you at least believe in the person and the cause, even though you cannot help more.
13. Don’t Try to Change Them
    Do not spend time trying to change what a person feels they need or to convince them they don’t need something. You won’t be very successful. Every person has their own different priorities.
14. Do the Best Job
    When you help needy people, don’t cut corners, EVEN IF YOU WOULD DO SO FOR YOURSELF; they will feel that you cut corners because they were needy. The mitzvah is to give them what they feel they need, even if you don’t need it!
15. Vendors
    Often, you can draft a vendor to participate in your kindness, if you explain how are you are also raising money and working for the cause.
16. Job
    The greatest chesed is getting someone a job.
17. Partner!
    Always let the needy person contribute something to the solution; especially when helping for therapy costs.
    a. The needy person becomes invested.
    b. They feel better.
18. Lend
    If you want to give money to someone, make it an indefinite, eternal loan. People would rather borrow than receive charity and they actually hope to pay it back.
19. Thank You’s
    Don’t expect Thank You notes, so you won’t be disappointed!
20. Back Again!
    Realize that you will likely have to help the same person again, maybe even with the same problem! You can’t always fix things “once-and-for-all.” Forgive them for coming with “new excuses” of why they are needy; they are protecting their embarrassment.
21. Humility
    Do not share with others your acts of kindness. You lose much of the reward when you do so. Also, it may get back to the recipient that you are discussing their neediness publicly.

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