It seems like summer has just begun and suddenly, the Three Weeks are upon us. It can be hard to remember that we are in the mourning period every day of these three weeks, so here is a calendar of suggestions that can help you stay focused, even for just a brief moment every day.
Sunday, 17 Tamuz: Today is the day that begins it all. The Three Weeks are bookended by fast days, which should help us get into the proper mindset of remembering our loss and yearning for its rebuilding. However, while physical actions in avodas Hashem are meant to inform and inspire the proper thoughts and feelings, the yetzer hara is very good at derailing us. We’re hungry and thirsty and tired, and find it hard to focus on anything else.
Take a moment to tune into your hunger and remind yourself why you feel this way. “I am fasting because I am in mourning over the churban of the Beis Hamikdash. Make it more than simply about getting through the fast and counting the hours until it’s over, even if it’s just for a moment of the time. If you have the minhag for children not to eat nosh on fast days, present it the same way. “We won’t have a freeze pop today because we are feeling sad that we are in galus.”
If you aren’t fasting, hopefully for good reasons, you can still tune in to the meaning of the day and find ways to feel the loss, even if your stomach isn’t grumbling quite as loudly as those around you.
Monday, 18 Tamuz: We are on a campaign these days not only to mourn the loss of the Mikdash and the pain of this extended galus but also to actively take steps toward ending it and bringing about the geulah. Ahavas Yisroel, we know, is at the top of the list. Take a few moments today to think of someone who would appreciate a Shabbos invite, whether because they are alone, overwhelmed, or for any other reason. Invite them now, without waiting for Friday, or even Thursday. Last-minute invites can make people feel like an afterthought and a chessed case, while a Wednesday invite will show them that you’re thinking about them and actually want them to come.
Tuesday, 19 Tamuz: When you daven Shmoneh Esrei today, focus particularly on the brachos pertaining to galus and geulah: “Ga’al Yisroel,” “Boneh B’rachamav Yerushalayim,” “V’sechezenah Eineinu,” etc. Ideally, we always have kavanah in every word of Shmoneh Esrei, but the reality is more complicated. Take those extra moments today to infuse some extra intent on these brachos, to truly feel the yearning for what we are missing.
Wednesday, 20 Tamuz: It is a hectic erev Shabbos, so you might be forgiven for not having a moment to think about the Churban or daven for Mashiach. However, when you stand in front of your Shabbos candles ushering in Shabbos and utilizing your tremendous eis ratzon to daven for whatever is in your heart, this is your moment. Of course, daven for nachas from your children, daven for the choleh that is close to your heart, but take your tefillos globally and daven for the geulah, which will solve all of your problems, all of the world’s problems and then some. “Yehi ratzon… sheyibaneh Beis Hamikdash b’mheirah b’yameinu…”
Thursday, 21 Tamuz: On Shabbos itself, we have a practical way to bring the geulah closer. “Im atem mishamrim neiros shel Shabbos, ani mareh lachem neiros shel Tzion.” When we are careful with our shmiras Shabbos, Hashem hastens the geulah. Many of us took on kabbalos on shmiras Shabbos in the aftermath of October Seventh. Hopefully, you are still keeping yours, but if you have found the inspiration has petered out and you are not as strongly committed to your kabbalah as you were a few months ago, you are probably in good company. You can choose to either renew the kabbalah you’ve already taken on or take on a new one. Make it something attainable, something that will enhance your shemiras Shabbos, and have in mind that you are doing it in the zechus of the geulah sheleimah.
Friday, 22 Tamuz: Sundays in the summer can be difficult. It’s a long, hot day that can sometimes shlep. The heat and boredom get you and your family irritable and there may be a lot of bickering and complaining. Take every kvetch and every problem that arises today, no matter how minute, and use it as an opportunity to remind yourself, “If Mashiach would be here, we wouldn’t have these complaints.” While the reason we yearn for geulah is not so that our petty problems will disappear, think of it as a stepping stone to true tzipiah l’yishuah, a relevant way to keep the pain of galus front and center of our minds as we go about our day.
Shabbos, 23 Tamuz: Do you know someone who is in pain or struggling in some way? Someone who could use a listening ear but you don’t often have the time or wherewithal to provide one? Take a few moments to call them today, let them know you are thinking of them, and spend time truly listening to them. Not only will you be building ahavas Yisroel, a stepping stone to the geulah, but you will also be helping someone else on the path to their personal geulah by taking away a little bit of the loneliness that is part of their personal galus.
Sunday, 24 Tamuz: Do you bear silent resentment for someone? The neighbor whose kids leave garbage all over your yard? The one carpool mother who is always late? The driver who cut you off on the road and nearly gave you a panic attack? Build your ahavas Yisroel by working on letting go of your resentment and trying to see the best in the people who irked you. Give them a brachah in your head. If you know them, try to find five positive qualities in them, or even the positive side of the very quality you resent. (She’s way too laid back about time, but she’s also so laid back about lending out her toys, for example.) Swallow the harsh remark you are so tempted to send their way. Learn to love them even when it’s hard. Ahavas chinam is the antidote to sinas chinam, and that can include loving people who have not given you reason to love them. You love them just because they are a member of Klal Yisroel.
Monday, 25 Tamuz: It’s not only our daily tefillos that are full of yearning for the geulah. Our Birchas Hamazon is as well. When you bench today, focus with heartfelt kavanah on “U’veneh Yerushalayim,” on “Harachaman Hu yishlach lanu es Eliyahu Hanavi,” on “Rachem Na,” etc. There are so many opportunities as you bench to beg Hashem for the geulah. If you don’t get to wash today, you can do this with the words of Al Hamichya.
Tuesday, 26 Tamuz: Are you involved in a machlokes, large or small? No matter how insignificant, machlokes can be a big deterrent to geulah. Bring Mashiach one step closer by apologizing for your part in a machlokes. Apologizing doesn’t mean you are completely wrong and the other party is completely right. It means you are being the bigger person by taking responsibility for your share, and hopefully paving the way for their own humility to reawaken and allow them to do the same.
Wednesday, 27 Tamuz: As you do your last-minute Shabbos cooking or baking, put some of those delicious brownies or carrot muffins in the freezer so that you have tzeidah l’derech for the journey to Eretz Yisroel when Mashiach comes after Shabbos. Show Hashem how passionately you believe in Mashiach’s imminent arrival, that your tzipiya l’yeshuah is alive and well. Our unquestioning emunah is more powerful than we can fathom.
Thursday, 28 Tamuz: There is nothing like Shabbos. The connection to Hashem is untainted by the stresses of the week, the worry of parnassah, or whatever it is that burdens us. When we daven for Mashiach today, we ask for “yom shekulo Shabbos menucha l’chayei olamim.” Imagine Shabbos forever! No earthly worries at all, ever. Only connection. Only tranquility. Only pure menuchas hanefesh. Ponder this over Shabbos as you enjoy the delicious seudos, as you drift off into your Shabbos nap, as you watch the children in the park. Let the longing for such a sweet reality become powerful and real.
Friday, 29 Tamuz: It’s another long Sunday, and your kids are bored. Choose a project or activity you can do with them that is timely. Paint a picture of the Beis Hamikdash. Read books about the Churban. Build a giant Kosel out of mega blocks, Magna tiles, or the building toy of your choice. Maybe this is not your stage of life, but even if you aren’t entertaining children, you can do your own adult level activity of this kind. A jigsaw puzzle, a decoupage, a painting. Use your creativity to bring the pain of galus and glory of geulah to life.
Shabbos, 1 Av: Today our mourning officially intensifies. It’s the first of the Nine Days, the herald of the saddest month of our year. “Mishenichnas Av mima’atim b’smicha.” We are not supposed to be devoid of joy entirely—a Yid must always serve Hashem b’simcha—but we are enjoined to noticeably diminish our joy this month to remember that our joy cannot be complete with the giant hole the Churban has left in our hearts and our lives. What is one practical thing in your daily routine that brings you joy that you can leave out, just for today? The Danish you enjoy with your morning coffee? The comfortable window nook where you read? Do one small thing to remind yourself that until we have our precious Beis Hamikdash, our joy is not complete.
Sunday, 2 Av: Make a kabbalah in ahavas Yisroel that you will commit to for the next few months. You can decide on a timeframe that works for you; perhaps you can carry it through the Yemei Ratzon. Make it small but meaningful, something you can reasonably stick to that will make a profound impact on the world.
Monday, 3 Av: If you have ever received a simcha invitation from a Chabad family, it will likely say something along the lines of, “The chasunah/bar mitzvah/etc. will b’ezras Hashem take place in Yerushalayim Habenuyah. In the unfortunate event that Mashiach has not arrived by then, we hope you will join us at the X venue in Y city.” It may not be your personal minhag or style, but try at least once today, when planning or scheduling something, even something as simple as the carpool arrangements, to include the words, “If Mashiach is chas v’shalom not here by then…” “Can you drive on Tuesday?” “We will have Bubby’s surprise party at Chani’s house.” “I’ll take you to the ice cream store after day camp.” Etc. Let it be front and center in our minds and conversations.
Tuesday, 4 Av: By now, you are deep into the restrictions of both the Three Weeks and the Nine Days. Everyone feels the discomfort and deprivation in different ways, whether you are missing the music, the meat, the fresh clean clothing, or the steaming hot showers. For some of these, you may have even gotten heteirim to give them space even in these days of mourning. But try for a few moments to lean into the discomfort, to feel the loss of these joys and conveniences, and remind yourself why you are doing this. Tell it to yourself and tell it to your kids. “No, we can’t turn on music while we paint because we are sad that Mashiach isn’t here yet.” “No matter how uncomfortable this cold shower is, it doesn’t compare to the pain and discomfort of galus.”
Wednesday, 5 Av: Use the power of your imagination to put yourself into a particularly rough era of our galus. Imagine what a girl being led to the gas chambers may have felt in those final moments, the terror of a woman lighting Shabbos candles in an underground cellar during the Spanish Inquisition or, in more recent times, the anguish of a hostage languishing in a Gaza tunnel. Using the power of imagery, whisper a tefillah to Hashem for the immediate geulah, so that all of this pain and suffering will be a thing of the past.
Thursday, 6 Av: This Shabbos is called Shabbos Chazon because of the haftorah of Chazon Yeshayahu, so relevant and poignant. Even if you don’t go to shul on Shabbos, take a moment to read through the powerful words of the navi and internalize them.
Friday, 7 Av: We often find the greatest levels of sinas chinam occurring between different categories of Yidden. It can come from a good place, from our fierce attachment to our derech and mesorah, and our passion for emes in avodas Hashem. But we can still find it in our hearts to love and respect our brothers and sisters whose derech may differ from ours, even if we don’t agree. We can seek out their qualities and soften our animosity, doing our part in hastening the geulah. Today, make that effort. Hold back from the sarcastic comments, judgments, or jokes. Look kindly on those whose hashkafos are different than yours, and find the tolerance to accept and embrace, even if you disagree.
Shabbos, 8 Av: Do you know someone who has a hard time with Tisha B’av? They are weak fasters, or lonely and vulnerable, or perhaps their Yiddishkeit is on shaky legs. Give them a call today to let them know you are thinking of them and wish them an easy and meaningful fast. If a call is too much, you can even send a text. Let them go into the difficult day with the comforting knowledge that they are cared for and supported.
Sunday, 9 Av: Today is all about the Churban, with little else to get in the way. But in case it’s still difficult to focus, take an English Megilas Eichah or Kinnus and read the meaning of some of the words that you are saying. They are heartwrenching and sure to increase your awareness of the devastating loss we are mourning.
With elevated tzipiyah l’yeshuah, may we be zoche to celebrate next Tisha B’av with a festive seudah in Yerushalayim Habenuyah!
A really good book to help prepare for the 3 weeks/Tisha bav is Yearning for Geula. I highly recommend it!!
A really good inspiring book to help prepare for the 3 weeks/Tisha bav is Yearning for Geula. I highly recommend it!!
Wow I love this so much! I plan on printing it and hanging it up in my kitchen. I always feel like working on the avodah of these weeks is so vague and hard to put into practice and this day by day guide makes it so tangible. Thank you!