THE Power of Panic

As a parent, you can be much more effective when you don’t panic.

The kids were playing quietly – 10 yr old Meira and her new friend Rachel – so Naomi wasn’t sure whether she should interrupt them to offer snacks. “Oh, why not?” she wondered to herself, “they’re probably hungry by now.” And with that she opened the door to Meira’s room. 

What she saw sent panic into her heart: right there on the floor of Meira’s room sat Meira and Rachel – looking at a magazine full of inappropriate pictures. Naomi’s mouth opened by itself and she started to yell at the top of her lungs. “WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE??” Rachel jumped up, grabbing her magazine off the floor and stuffing it in her backpack. Meira, turning white, repeated over and over, “Nothing Mommy. Nothing. I didn’t do anything. I don’t know why she brought it. I told her not to.”

“I’M CALLING YOUR MOTHER RIGHT NOW TO COME GET YOU”, Naomi barked at Rachel. Then turning to her daughter she added in a menacing tone, “AND YOU, YOUNG LADY, YOU HAVE A LOT OF EXPLAINING TO DO!” 

I’d like to tell you all the events that unfolded over that night and the next few days, but I haven’t got time right now and that isn’t really the point of this article.

The point is: parenting is a provocative experience!

There are things that happen when we’re raising our children that infuriate us, terrify us, shock us, confuse us, disturb us, bother us, depress us and otherwise upset us.

Developing human beings, a.k.a. Children are wild cards. They are impulsive, curious, learning machines, driven to experiment and explore. Their nature is to get into all kinds of mischief and serious trouble, to get hurt, hurt others, cause damage and otherwise wreak havoc. Yes, some are more placid than others, but if you’re raising a houseful of boys – well, I wish you all the best! And girls – I mean, you just read that story above….

A parent has to be prepared for everything and anything. And by “be prepared” I mean, be prepared to respond appropriately, and by “respond appropriately” I mean be able to educate, bond, love, guide, protect, influence and help her kids grow.

The task is going to require a little premeditation. When forethought and planning hasn’t occurred, it will unfortunately be replaced with reactivity. Reactivity is what we see above in Naomi, a loving parent who just isn’t prepared for real-life parenting. Reactivity, fueled by adrenaline, happens to frightened, exhausted, overwhelmed and furious parents. It is an emotional response to a very hard day, but it is not parenting.

Think of the costs of Naomi’s reactivity to both Meira and Rachel.

• What are they learning here about communication?
• What are they learning about emotional regulation?
• What are they learning about sexuality?
• What are they learning about themselves, their bodies, their self-concepts?

• What was it that Naomi wanted them to learn?
• Did she even know?
• Or did she just panic? 

We can’t anticipate much of what will happen on our parenting journey.

What we can do, however, is learn general principles that can hold us steady when we’re balancing on a ledge.

Parenting is one of the most difficult – and most rewarding tasks – we will ever engage in.

Applying ourselves to it through continuous learning not only builds our confidence and strengthens our heart, but also helps us do the very best we can.