It’s so hectic–and the day flies by before we can take advantage of Purim’s spiritual power. How do we grab what we can?
We hear so much about the beauty and the power of Purim, and we know it on an intellectual level. But Purim is also the most hectic day of the Jewish calendar, and it becomes hard to implement all that we learned and to take the time to tune into the specialness of the day.
Here are some tips to help all of us make the most of Purim, all frazzle and frenzy included.
Awareness: As always, awareness is the first step. We know Purim is a holy day, so holy that Yom Kippur is only compared to it. But we need to remind ourselves of it as we usher in the day, so that even if we do absolutely nothing else written here, at least we will have the right mindset. Shabbos comes just a couple of days before Purim. You can’t spend the day packaging mishloach manos or cooking for the seudah. But you can spend it preparing for Purim in other ways: by reading up and learning all about the powerful, powerful holiness of Purim. Remind yourself that Adar is the last month of the year, therefore it is built upon the kedushah of the entire year that we just went through, starting with the emunah of Pesach, the Torah of Shavuos, the connection of Sukkos, etc. It all culminates in Purim. Remember that Purim is the time that we accepted the Torah and our roles within with ahavah, the day we come close to Hashem not out of fear, but out of joy. It is the day that all who beseech are answered, there are no barriers between us and Hashem. We use all of our senses, all that we have, to serve Him. We celebrate with unbridled joy and love in a bond that is eternal. We lose our inhibitions, we drop our facade and we connect in a deep and real way. There is so much that goes into celebrating Purim in today’s day and age, we often forget the core of it. Go back to the basics and remind yourself of what Purim is truly all about.
Physical Health: Spiritual wealth needs to be built on a foundation of physical health. When we’re tired and cranky, we tend to say the wrong things and make poor choices. Especially on a day like Purim, when the potential for kedushah is so powerful that the yetzer hara is working overtime, we need to bring our A-game. It’s hard because Purim itself is so busy, and the preparations take over the days – and nights – preceding it as well. As much as you can, though take care of yourself and your family.
Get enough sleep. Do whatever it takes to get yourself to bed at a decent time Purim night.
Eat healthy. Hopefully, you are careful to give your children a decent breakfast and lunch on Purim before they dig into all of that junk. But do you eat as well? Sit down to breakfast. Stop for lunch. Make it foods that are good for you, that give you energy instead of depleting you. And while you might be inclined to allow your children to dig into their Purim nosh without restraint on Purim, don’t do so yourself. There is merit to letting them have as much as they want today, instead of saving it for months, but you want to be in top form to deal patiently with the resultant sugar crash, instead of on a crash of your own.
Streamline. Take as many shortcuts as you can to make the day itself less hectic and stressful. We’ve cut down our Purim rounds to the bare minimum, forever grateful that the teachers have given hours the day before, sometimes even two days before. When I have a big crowd at the seudah, I serve the food buffet style, in sternos on my counter,so that I am not on my feet serving more than necessary. It will still be hectic and exhausting but streamline what you can so that you have even a tiny bit of brainspace to tune into higher frequencies and not let the day slip away entirely.

Tefillah: Much ink has been spilled about the power of tefillah on Purim; in fact, it was the topic of one of my first feature articles here. So many people have seen yeshuos from pouring out their heart to Hashem during the potent eis ratzon of “kol haposhet yad nosnim lo.” And yet, that’s only the secondary reason why we daven, and specifically on Purim. Primarily, tefillah is about connecting to Hashem, and the connections we make by turning to Him in our time of unbridled joy is unparalleled.
As women, connection is our strength and tefillah is our superpower. We surely know about the why – the power – by now and the question really is, how? Every household works differently, and every woman is different, so it’s hard to give general tips for how to incorporate tefillah into your day, but here are just a few to get you started, and you can customize from there:
Wake up early. This may come in conflict with maintaining your physical health on Purim, so it ideally needs to be preceeded by going to sleep early as well. When you wake up before the house does, you can have the serenity to connect to Hashem before chaos sets in. If it’s ten minutes earlier, that’s ten minutes of unadulterated tefllah. If it’s half hour that’s even better, but even five minutes can impact the rest of your Purim.
Daven as a family. Speaking from the perspective of the mother of girls, getting everybody up and ready in time for a tefillah session together sets the tone for the home that entire Purim. The big ones help the little ones, and when everyone is ready, you all daven together. You can each daven your own tefillah, but when you do it together in one room, the atmosphere is affected and you all feed off of it. If you have only little ones and can’t leave them to their own devices, sing their davening with them. Even if you don’t make it to a shmoneh esray, you can pour quite a lot into “Adon olam” and “Torah, torah, torah.”
You may not have a second to breathe, let alone sit down and daven, on Purim, but there will be moments when all hecticness aside, your mind is free. Talk to Hashem in your own words and connect in those moments. This is the hidden brachah of Lakewood’s Purim traffic. As you’re sitting in bumper to bumper traffic, especially if you are the passenger, use those moments for tefillah in any language you desire. Make the most of every moment of Purim.
Megillah: We sometimes fall into the trap of seeing megillah as something to “get over with” so we can “get on with our day,” chas veshalom. The fact that women are obligated in hearing the megillah, despite it being a time bound mitzvah, is a precious gift we ought to make the most of. It’s a half hour or more we have no choice but to sit and tune into the spirit of the day. Don’t space out mindlessly during megillah, but rather focus on what you are hearing. You know the story, you’ve heard it many times, but have you ever really felt it? Feel the despair, the hope, the faith, the destiny. Daven along with Esther, cry along with Mordechai. Think about the constant presence of Hashem and how you can tap into that too. Uncover the pieces of the puzzle along with the baal korei and then let the joy wash over you as the beautiful Master Plan is revealed at the end. Come out of megillah reading inspired and invigorated, prepared to embrace the day and all that it entails.
Seeing Yad Hashem: The story of Purim is all about seeing the Yad Hashem in surprising places: in disgruntled servants and their rebellious plots, in a vain, haughty wife, in a palace bereft of all things spiritual. It’s about seeing the little, seemingly insignificant things, the annoying things that go wrong in our lives, as part of our greater destiny. Without doing anything concrete, we can tap into the meaning of Purim in a powerful way by going through the day with this mindset. So many things can, and do, go wrong on Purim. You make a wrong turn, right into gridlock traffic that adds 20 minutes to an already tight schedule. Your beautiful creations get smashed before they make it to the recipients. You arrive at a teacher’s house a minute and a half too late and he’s already gone. The costume you spent hours creating to perfection ripped before you even got a picture. Everything is part of the plan. It’s all min hashamayim. Our destiny might not revealed to us as clearly as it was at the end of the Purim story, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that we are all in the middle of our own megillas esther right now: A life of hidden siyata dishmaya, where we may not understand the whys of our life experiences, but we can be sure that He is orchestrating them all. This Purim, seek Him out in surprising places.

Give meaningfully: So much of our Purim day revolves around delivering mishloach manos. You may or may not think that the entire mitzvah has gotten out of hand, a long way from the two minim to one friend that is required. But the truth is, even if it’s not strictly about the chiyuv of mishloach manos anymore, there is potential to impact so many people with our giving. When we put thought into who we actually gift and how, we can elevate the day for so many people. We have to be careful though. There are stories of teachers who give lectures to their class about not just giving manos to the “cool girls” and your “best friend,” but also to the girls who have no friends, the girls who could use a little extra chizuk. It’s a wonderful lesson, but then some girls in the class are surprised to find that the entire class has come over to give them mishloach manos. Suddenly, they realize exactly where they stand. Nobody likes to feel like a chesed case, so when you give meaningfully, keep that in mind. Don’t give to someone you’ve never spoken to but feel bad for. Prioritize a new neighbor who you’ve met a couple of times but who doesn’t know too many people yet over the popular sheitel macher down the block. Give to the basement tenants of your neighborhood you have met outside, because often living in someone else’s basement comes along with feeling anonymous and invisible. Give to an acquaintance who is going through a hard time, even if it takes you outside your normal route. If you are not going to give to everyone you know, because that would be impossible, prioritize the people where your impact will be most deeply felt. Encourage your children to do the same. And of course, focus on matanos l’evyonim even more than you do on mishloach manos. Take one goody out of your package, or use a cheaper, less glamorous packaging, and earmark that money for the truly needy. The beauty of Purim is that it’s our time of greatest joy, and it’s our time of greatest giving. Because in Yiddeshkeit, those two are the same.
The songs: Every time I write about tapping into the meaning of a yom tov, I always include the songs. Each chag comes with its own set of niggunim, and if we’re singing them anyway, we may as well focus on what we’re singing and allow the koach haneginah bring the connection to Hashem home like nothing else can. I’ve always found Purim to be more difficult in this regard. Aside from the kumzitz songs sung in many homes by inebriated men in lofty spirits (pardon the pun) the actual Purim songs that we sing and dance to are jolly and don’t seem too meaningful. Except that they are, when you think about it. Layehudim hoysah orah. Think about that light and that joy, daven that we merit to see it again. There is so much darkness and confusion and sadness today. Kein tehiyeh lanu. V’nahapoch hu, our enemies are many and they are strong. Please bring the day when we rule over them again, instead of living in fear of them. The songs are blasting off the rooftops and car tops, they are echoing in the streets and in our homes. Let them echo in our hearts as well.
Wishing every reader a truly freilichen Purim, a Purim that is joyous and meaningful and a tremendous kiddush Hashem!
An earlier version of this article originally appeared in The Lakewood Shopper.
This article was so beautiful and practical as well! Thank you Fradl.
Thank you so much for sharing this powerful article. A freilechen Purim to all
Thank you for these beautiful words and pearls of wisdom!
Thank you for this article.
I was waiting for something inspirational to put me in the right mode. Thank you Fradl and between carpools. Beautiful as usual
Amen!! Thank you so much for your thoughts. It’s written so gently, gracefully, and humbly that it hit home!
Thank you as usual! Beautiful. Esp the part about Megilla–so true. It took me many years to appreciate this mitzvah of Purim when it seems so hectic, but once you tune in and feel it, it affects your whole day! I remember one year after leil Purim megilla I heard a lady say–one down, one to go. I felt so bad that that was her mindset!
Your love for Hashem shines through your writing. Truely inspired! Thank you