It’s been 8 kids and I still don’t know how to put a baby to bed. But I think now we’re onto something…
Over 15 years ago, when my first child was a year old, I read a book about sleep training and I let him cry himself to bed. My son did not take to it well. He yelled, he cried, and then he threw up. I cried. Every time his stubborn streak would show itself I would blame it on the crying method I had tried when he was a baby.
A while back I read a post on Between Carpools about sleep training here. In the comments, a reader wrote about Tracy Hogg’s method. Her method is called PU PD which stands for “pick up put down.” And it really spoke to me. Pick up the baby when he cries, put down when he’s calm… and you do this as many times as it takes for the child to learn to fall asleep on his or her own.
When you’re a sleepy and tired mom, though, Tracy Hogg’s book is way, way too long to read.
Thanks to the comments in that same post, I also learned about a shorter book by Susan Urban (see here). Instead of 200 pages, it’s 15 pages or so. It takes about 7-10 minutes to read. Even less if you read fast. And it pretty much teaches you Tracy’s method.
The Basics Steps:
- When the baby starts to cry after being put down, pick them up, but do not rock them.
- As soon as the baby is calm, put the baby back down.
- If they start crying, pat them on the back and say shhh.
- If the baby is still crying, pick the baby back up and do it again.
- Don’t leave the baby once the baby is quiet. Keep your hand on the baby’s back until you are sure they are sleeping.
Sounds easy enough!
I was finally ready to try it with baby number eight, who is six months old, as I still had no idea how to get my baby to fall asleep without rocking, singing, or nursing. I’m too old to be putting a baby to sleep for a complete hour. I and the baby are both ready for this.
I started with Friday afternoon’s nap. Why? Because only crazy people think Friday is a good day to start something new. But here I am. There is no time like the present.
Day 1:
I still remember the trauma I felt when I let my 15-year-old cry himself to sleep. So even a little crying set me into anxiety. I kept on doing the method again and again;
I put him up and down countless times. 10 minutes past, 15, 20 minutes. He really has no idea how to fall asleep. I naturally felt like rocking and singing to him.
25 minutes later he was so exhausted. So was I! And Shabbos was coming; I had lots to do! He fell asleep in my hands. I know the book said to put the baby down at the first sign that they are quiet. But it was enough for me not to rock him. Just to hold him. Mother’s intuition. Let’s see what the next sleep will bring.
Night 1:
Baby ate. I do the up and down method 100 times. Maybe not 100, but I lost count. I also have no idea how long has passed since I’m not wearing a watch.
I put the baby down. I call for my daughter and say “You try.” She’s not as emotionally attached. Or maybe the baby is tired. Two minutes later the baby is sleeping.
Day 2:
Nap 1: Seems faster. Maybe 10 minutes? It was Shabbos and there’s no watch on the bedroom floor.
Nap 2: We went on a walk and baby fell asleep in the carriage.
Night 2:
I fed him and he fell asleep. Was that against the rules?
Day 3:
Nap: He looked sleepy. I put him in the crib. He went to sleep.
Whaaaaatttttt???
Night 3:
I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Let’s just say it seems to be working. No need to jinx it.
Experience has taught me that there is no three-day magic, but a baby falling asleep on their own is definitely a skill they can learn. You may go off schedule if the baby gets sick, you travel, or you fall back into old habits. However, this method was by far the easiest (emotionally!) and pain-free way of teaching your child to fall asleep on their own…even if you have to redo the training a few months later.
To learn the full method, read Susan Urban’s – How to Teach a Baby to Fall Asleep Alone
It’s the quickest book to read with only a dozen pages or so. But it has all you need to know. Buy the book and download it to your Kindle or the iBook app on your phone. Otherwise, get the paperback.
Tracy Hogg – The Baby Whisperer
This is a great book to read if you have time and energy. This is the comprehensive book from the entire series.
It’s been a few weeks since that night number 3. Getting the baby to sleep takes me max 6-7 minutes now. Is my baby sleeping through the night? No way. However, he now knows how to fall asleep on his own.
We’ve also had our setbacks. Weddings, naps in the car, and traveling made sleep time less scheduled. Ideally, if my child was perfectly on schedule and only slept in the crib perhaps it would be “perfect” but I’m happy with a bit of flexibility and overall I’m thrilled that I read this book.
Read the book and let me know if it works for you!
Sleep training is probably the hardest part of baby caring! Just 2 weeks ago I was scouring betweencarpools sleep articles for the answer. I tried everything. My baby ended up most of the might in my bed, and before I got to bed myself, I had to put her back to sleep multiple times. At 6 months old, I knew it was enough. With no other method left, I let her cry it out for a night. It was torture. But you know what? Night number two, there was a dramatic change and she only woke up twice through the night and managed to get herself back to sleep. One week later, and I am finally getting solid hours of sleep! She now sleeps 10 hours straight and knows how to fall back asleep when she wakes up. I never thought I would resort to CIO, but I had no choice. And BH it was well worth it! Point is, this stage is super hard but you will get through it! Eventually something will work! Sending love to all moms dealing with this.
Tracy hogg’s book the baby whisperer has been a lifesaver in teaching me how to take care of babies since my firstborn. I find her approach very sensible and non-extreme. It focuses on doing things right from day 1 which is why i re-read it with every newborn. I dont always do everything the way she says (like nursing on one side per feeding) but her ideas on avoiding “accidental parenting “ and encouraging independence from the beginning really work.
If you are already stuck with a problem i would recommend her other book “the baby whisperer solves all your problems” for troubleshooting This teaches you how to ask the kinds of questions she would ask to understand how to fix the problem from attachment to eating/feeding to sleep to play from newborn to toddler.
hi! I like the way you did it. you really thing letting them cry it out make them more kvetchies? I dont know but I like not having to hear cry for an hour lol
my question is do you use a pacifier or not?
Visit Kinderwinks.com. Lots of valuable information using this method.
Best to try this method from when baby is newborn.
Just don’t pickup/putdown younger than 4 months. Its overstimulating for them. Shush/pat instead
I would rather recommend the hold with love method by susan urban from parental-love.com. especially if you want to start preparing your newborn fo the future training
I’m in Susan’s team! I used the method and it is THAT simple. That’s really enough – no crying, no fuss…Just follow the rules and you’ll be amazed!
I’ve heard about PUPD method before but haven’t ever read the book. Although Susan’s book is PERFECT, it says everything you need to know for the method to work, right? I’m super grateful!
Best help ever! Thank you for recommending the book
My favorite book/method was 12 hours by 12 weeks, sleep trained my twins using this method and was great. Though I couldn’t sleep train until they were 6 months since they needed to be 10lbs before Dr said was ok
Short book and easy read. Highly recommend
thank you so much! this is a method that actually worked for me. I never knew before this there was another way besides the cry it out and just from reading the article I was able to put my baby to sleep in 10 minutes versus the usual rocking a nursing so thank you so much for this !!!
At what age can you start this? My baby is 6 weeks and would love to teach him how to sleep on his own!
Usually the rule of thumb is after 8 weeks they can stretch roughly 6hrs (some really amazing babies can stretch 8) but the easy thing to do is doing sleep feedings -as in you feed the baby before they cry while they are still sleeping and you put them back down right after- until they are like 4-5 months and they can really stretch the whole night
My baby was too smart for pick up- put down. He learned not to calm down when I was holding him. When I left he room he calmed down. When he realized that his mommy meant to put him down, even though we weren’t in his room, he cried until I left the house. The nurse in Tipat Chalav (well-baby-clinic) told me to make a routine, and put him in. Let him cry for two minutes. Then I should go back in, and hug him and kiss him, and say good night. And leave for another 2 minutes. I did it 5 times (for a total of 10 minutes) and then he went to sleep. It took 4 days and he was going down without crying at all. Thank you Hashem!
SO I did Tracy Hoggs amazing approach starting with my second and I can Literally see the difference in their sleeping patterns, PUPD wasnt nec as the methos is from birth… My problem atm is that my very smart 13month old has had a sleep regression and now wakes up twice a night and will happily play in his crib for a couple hours before making a very loud cry!!! Do you think that the PUPD methos would work with a smart toddler? Any advice is welcome as I’m pretty sleep deprived…