Whether it comes about naturally or you’re a mom of a really deep sleeper, you can still easily train your child to stay dry overnight.
(For those of you who missed this post on training a toddler and are looking how to toilet train a child by day, you can start there. In that post, I shared that I don’t toilet train kids at night while training during the day. It’s possible I don’t do it because I train them relatively young, or perhaps because it’s too exhausting and I can’t do it all.)
Congratulations! Your child is trained. However as it turns dark, you get out those pjs and with it a diaper, pull up…and now you decided you want to get rid of that! Glad you are here. This post is an unscientific post from a mom with lots of experience. If you need some bedwetting tips, we have this post for easier cleanup.
For Kids That Train Themselves:
Some kids naturally stay dry all night after you toilet train them during the day. Once you see that they’ve stayed dry for a few nights, remove the diaper (see the three tips to keep it up!) Some kids start waking up at night, sometimes saying they need to use the toilet. Other times they just cry and cry and can’t explain why they are crying. That crying is usually the first sign that they need to use the bathroom. Take advantage. Do NOT MISS THE OPPORTUNITY. Put them on the toilet and don’t ignore the sign. If you keep doing this a few days they will naturally train themselves at night and you’ll congratulate yourself on how easily it went. You should thank Hashem for that! Keep in mind that if you ignore this stage then you have missed the window and the child will train themselves to go back to sleep, wetting their diapers.
If you were lucky enough then keep in mind a few things:
- Take them to the toilet before they go to sleep. Don’t skip this step for a few good weeks.
- If you do feel they drank a lot before going to sleep and you are afraid they will wet themselves, you can wake them up before heading to bed. Quietly move the child from bed to toilet, talking as little as possible. Use minimal words – Sarah, let’s go to the toilet… and back into bed before they wake up fully.
- If you really are worried about bedwetting at this stage, the easiest thing you can do is place a bed mat on the bed. See end of post for options.
Some kids will never show you those signs and you’ll have to train them from scratch. If that’s the case, read on.
For Kids Who Need to Be Trained by Mom:
Since I day-train most of the kids when they are 2 (or 2 and a bit), if they don’t naturally train themselves within the first month, I train them at age 3. If your child is not naturally staying dry at night and you want to night-train, follow these steps.
- Start with getting rid of the bottle or sippy cup if they have one.
- Limit drinks one hour close to bedtime. Let them drink a lot earlier in the day and only give a bit before bedtime.
- Let them use the bathroom before heading to bed. Don’t skip this step.
- You can train them while they wear a diaper or pull up, waking them up before you go to bed, walking or carrying them quietly to the toilet. Limiting conversation as discussed earlier in this post. A child that is ready will usually wake up dry the next morning.
- If you see it’s working, remove the diaper (use bed mat just in case, see end of post) and keep waking them up for about 2 weeks. That usually will get their bodies used to waking up if they need the bathroom. If the child argues during the night that they don’t need to, trust them and don’t force it.
But what happens if the child can’t even stay dry between bedtime and the time you wake them up? They aren’t ready to be night trained. Let go. They need some more time to grow and mature.
Training a Deep Sleeper:
There are deep sleepers or kids with small bladders. Kids aren’t all ready to get trained at night at the same time.
Unofficially my sources (other moms) say that the next time you should try is age 5. You can try the above method, waking them up before you go to bed. If it works, great! But what if it doesn’t and you really want them to sleep at night without a diaper? They are pretty much outgrowing size 6 pull ups and you do not want them to keep doing this!
I found one trick that helped that might help you! Just like when I train them when they are younger without any clothing on their bottoms, you can try this at night. Why, you ask? We want kids to feel uncomfortable and wake up! The trick is to get deep sleepers to recognize when they need to use the bathroom and wake up.
- Place a bed mat on top of the linen.
- Use an easily washable blanket.
- Have the child sleep in a nightshirt. You can use an oversized t-shirt of yours, or buy nightgowns special for a girl…it can be anything that keeps them covered up without underwear or pants.
Once 1 through 3 are in place, I follow the above steps, limiting drinks, using the bathroom before bed, and waking them up to use the bathroom before I head to bed. For some kids that may mean they need to be woken up an hour after they fall asleep, others at 11 -12 pm.
If the child wakes up complaining that they are wet, congratulate them that they realized they are wet! Most of these deep sleepers usually sleep right through wetting a pull up. Strip, let them use the bathroom, and place a new bed mat on the bed. Back to sleep.
Within 2 weeks they should be more aware of their body. Do not put on pants for a solid 2 weeks. You want them to completely forget what it is like to have a wet pull up on themselves.
Once you are confident that they are in touch with their bodies, for the next month keep an eye for days they aren’t feeling well, nights that they drink a lot (Friday night Shabbos meals). On those nights you may consider waking them up before you head to bed.
At the recommendation if my pediatrician I purchased the book Dry All Night by Alison Mack. It is currently out of print but I was able to get it used from Amazon. This is a book to read together with your child to help them understand and come to staying dry through their own work and willpower. It was tremendously successful for my daughter.
Target has a great washable bed mat https://www.target.com/p/twin-waterproof-sleep-anywhere-pad-blue—pillowfort–8482-/-/A-75569207
. Its great because it doesn’t really absorb the moisture unless it gets really soaked so you don’t have to change it in middle of the night and wash it in the morning. My 6 year old was night trained I would say 80%-90% of the time but she regressed over the summer. My pediatrician said that her going to sleep late and being off schedule is probably the cause. I’m hoping now we can get her back on track. In the meantime I have a waterproof mattress protector (which is not so waterproof after all… but I don’t want to get the plastic crinkly type) and then the target mat on top. I hope some of these tips can help me but either way I will use it for my next child that I would like to night train soon.
Thank you for the article. I really appreciate these mother to mother tips!
Thank you for once again having such on target advice. BUT to all moms out there struggling with this- some children can not stay dry all night (thank you BCP for the link to the bedwetting article!) until they hit closer to teenage years (or beyond) it is generally NOT something they can control- though something they very much wish they could!! Lots of luck to all!!
Thanks for saying that. I cant get get my 7-8 year old dry at night!! She’s been trained during the day since she is 2.
Yes I have had 2 of those like you and many more that were trained at night my 4 or 5. Ended up using a Malem bed wetting alarm for both kids. A lot of sleepless nights for me and my children (and a LOT of laundry!) but it worked. These two were only ready around age 10. Seems to run in my husband’s family, I have nephews who have this issue too.
For anyone dealing with older children (mine was 8 at the time) who still can’t stay dry throughout the night (which can be so frustrating- I’ve been through that!)- Dr. Sagie’s TheraPee program really is amazing! I tried everything with my child- books, waking my child up, limiting drinks before bed, alarms attached to underwear etc and nothing worked. This program successfully trained my child through the night.
Thank you for all the good tips. For an older child who didn’t respond to regular methods my pediatrician recommended the Dryeasy Bedwetting Alarm ($40 on Amazon) which sounds an alarm when the child is wetting themselves, for those who don’t wake up on their own from that. She said that the body learns to wake up from the cue and B’h it worked within a couple of weeks (even without using it on Friday nights!)
I second the Dryeasy alarm. My 7 year old was very self conscious so I purchased it for him and it really helped. I must say that the kid really needs to have a will power for it to work though. After having such success with it I decided to try it on my five year old but it hasn’t really worked. He got really mad at it for ringing and wasn’t motivated at all. We put it away and when he will show interest in it, we will try again.
If bed wetting runs in the family, not much will help. I’ve tried alarms etc, Best was to focus on easy cleanup. Good quality full size chucks on top of your child’s sheet, easily washable blanket. Keep the spare blanket handy. After an accident, just roll up the top layer and back to sleep.
Yes! My pediatrician confirmed this it true! I’m struggling with a 8 and 6 yr old which I’ve tried taking to bathroom waking up nothing seems to help
For those older kids where nothing seems to work, I read that it might be their reflexes aren’t integrated…. struggling with this now so sending hugs to parents of older kids who wet the bed at night and to the kids !
I’ve had this with a 7 yr old boy and 9 year old girl..my pediatrician said that first before I go to any specialist or tools I should try the method of sort of making this a little bit the child’s pressure and not yours. Meaning I told my kids to make sure to use the bathroom at every recess in school and when they come home from school and before going to bed. Then if they wake up wet they do not wake me they just know where there are extra sheets and towels and fresh pajamas…..they roll up their sheet put it jnto the machine juat for storage…..take towels for the bed and either put on new sheet or sleep wth towels! Bh it took about 3 to 4 weeks for this to work and i can say that as long as they are feeling fine they are bh waking up dry…it’s been about 2 years. This might not work for very deep sleepers if they don’t feel they are wet but they slept pretty deep too so it took them time to feel they were wet! Good luck!
As a specialist in this field, I’d like to add to all those great ideas with some recommendations. Firstly, the number one cause of bedwetting (or daytime leakage) is CONSTIPATION. So many children are constipated even though you may not realize. They should have a bowel movement daily without straining. It’s also important to drink the correct amount: about half their weight, in ounces (so a 50 lb. child should drink 25 ounces, which is about 3 8-oz. cups). At the same time children should use the bathroom every 2-3 hours throughout the day. All these tips will train the bladder to fill and empty properly and sense fullness at the correct time throughout the day and night. If the issue persists, a therapist trained in pelvic floor therapy can help. Just a few sessions of strengthening the pelvic floor muscles (especially with biofeedback) will usually solve the problem. But you should definitely first work on the constipation, drinking, and bathroom scheduling as described above.
thank you for this tip! this might be my son’s issue. he’s 10.5 now. as long as a wake him up an hour or 2 after he went to sleep, he stay dry. but if I don’t wake him, he wets the bed. im pretty sure he does have vowel movements every day but he does drink plenty of water a day.