From practical tips to tapping into the spiritual significance of these upcoming weeks, these reminders will help you stay focused leading up to your child’s wedding.
Mazel tov!
The evidence is everywhere: Balloons on the ceiling, l’chaim cups littering the coffee table… your child is actually engaged!
You’ve been saying Mizmor L’Sodah, every hour on the hour, floating on dreams of satin and lace and diamonds and invitations lists and gowns and apartments and caterers and… Suddenly, you hit the ground with a thud.
You don’t want to lose that perspective; you want to be attentive and lead your child through what must seem like uncharted territory; you want to be on top of things instead of buried under them. But oh, there are SOOO many details and balls to add to the three-ring circus that’s your regular life. You want to do right by everyone who will be part of this simcha.
But you know you’re dreaming, and you’re going to drop balls, and the next few months will be a blur, and you will be relieved when they’re over with.\
Because that’s how it has to be, right?
No, it doesn’t.
Imagine if you could maximize the spiritual opportunities of this magical time while planning your simcha with focus, guiding your children with confidence and love, and navigating new relationships (hello, mechutanim) with graciousness. And sleeping well, too.
To most effectively make sure everyone’s needs are met, you have to make space for yourself.
A few suggestions:
1. Take care of your gown early on.
Even if you’re telling yourself that you need the time to lose a few pounds. It’s best to take care of it earlier on, as it takes time and energy, neither of which will be as easy to find closer to the wedding.
2. Divide the workload — let them help you!
Make a to-do list for every stage. This way, when your friends and relatives ask, “What can I do?” you’ll be able to tell them: Please pick up from the cleaners/ help make phone calls/ assemble and distribute the welcome bags and any other easy-to-delegate tasks. You’ve been on the other side and you know how happy you felt when you could help with a simcha.
3. Prioritize eating well, exercise, and sleep.
“Yeah, right,” you’re thinking. But we mothers need it and our families need a fully functioning mother. The truth is, small, consistent efforts can make a big difference. Find simple, sustainable ways to work these goals into your schedule—whether it’s a 10-minute workout, preparing yourself a quick, nutritious meal, or napping and setting a reasonable bedtime.
And daven. Talk to Hashem, before, during, and after everything. The technicalities of the simcha aren’t trivial! But they are simply the vehicle to the end goal of building a bayis ne’eman b’Yisrael, which gives Hashem so much simcha.
Here are some accessible pointers for real people who want to tap into the meaning and joy of each stage of the simcha:
1. After the l’chaim: Zoom out.
It’s hard to access that joy. There are so many logistics, just adding more pressure to the juggling act we call life. And the invitations! Who is invited? For the whole meal? For the chuppah and simchas chosson v’kallah? You don’t want to hurt anyone, you don’t want to upset anyone, you don’t want to forget anyone. And then factor in that the mechutanim have needs, too. Not to mention the chosson and kallah; your hopes and dreams for them are always foremost in your thoughts.
We have a lot on our minds.
Sometimes you just have to zoom out and look at the big picture. Remember: it’s a bracha to marry off a child. Baruch Hashem, we’re marrying off our child! We’re so busy because we’re making a wedding.
2. The last two weeks before: TOT will help you transition.
Do you feel like you’re riding an emotional roller coaster and drowning in the details? Try the TOT Method of transitioning from bogged down to joy, gratitude, and connection in the weeks immediately before the chasunah.
- Treasure those beautiful and exciting moments. Put them in your treasure box. This is what will give you strength. Keep filling up your treasure box.
- As the wedding approaches, put on hold anything that can be postponed. Write it in your notebook: writing it down will make you feel calm. This is the time to transition into wedding mode.
- Trash negativity, sadness, and lower energy levels. Tap into the joy, the positive, the gratitude.
3. The wedding week: Tap into the power of being a ba’alas simcha.
Hashem gives unique gifts to those making a simcha. When you are the host — the ba’alas simcha — you literally become a conduit for shefa (abundance). You can give brachos to people and when they give brachos to you in return, you can be the receptacle of bracha.
There are profound hashpa’os (spiritual forces) the week of the wedding through sheva brachos. The Shechina is at the chuppah and those few moments of walking down the aisle are your special moment of personal connection with Hashem.
Envision a hustle and bustle infused with serenity, not overwhelm. Notice the moments of nachas and gratitude, and allow yourself to revel in them. See yourself hosting your guests, both family and friends, graciously and warmly, truly sharing the simcha with them; creating memories that you will revisit with smiles and gratitude; connecting with the young couple in a way that’s comfortable and right for everyone.
A wedding is the highest form of nachas and simcha for Hashem. And you’re an essential part of it! You deserve to feel excited, not frazzled. And fully present for your child, from the start of the engagement period through the day they embark on their golden future.
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