This too shall pass, and you will eventually move on. But the time will be less stressful and more manageable with a few tips from a mom who has been there…twice. Plus: Grandparents and friends/neighbors, there’s tips here for you too.
NICU. Even years later, the word brings forth so many emotions. Joy, Exhaustion, Hakaras Hatov, Vulnerability, Fear, Fear of Now, Fear of the Future, and Separation.
The NICU world is not one we choose to enter, but ultimately the doctors, nurses, and the beeping monitors are there for the good of the child.
I traveled the NICU journey twice, b”H my children are doing well and to quote a devoted nurse, “he won’t go to kindergarten with a heart monitor.”
As a mother of NICU babies, I felt there is lots of room for education in this arena, so I put together some do’s and don’ts for all parties involved.
These are my feelings and my experiences. Every mother is different, so are their emotions, especially postpartum.
For Mothers and Fathers
—Your baby will come home when he is ready and when you navigate all the hospital protocol. Until then, know that this will be an emotional journey. The hospital staff mean your best interest, but they are not going to lose their job fighting for your baby. Follow the system.
—First and foremost, this is not going to be easy. But you will be ok and so will your baby! Take a deep breath, sit in that rocker and know that you can do this!
—Hold your baby, talk to your baby, it will give you emotional strength when you go back home.
—Sleep and eat, it’s the only way to keep on pumping and running back to the hospital and then back to your husband and kids.
—Accept help, this is not life as normal, you are not supposed to do it yourself.
—Schmooze to all the nurses, they are your key. If they feel valued you WILL get better care for your tiny baby. Yes! Listen about their fight with their boyfriends and the dog who wasn’t feeling well.
—Ask questions about your baby’s care, even if you don’t understand the hospital lingo.
—If you feel like you are being interrogated, YOU ARE. A nurse needs to make sure you can take care of your baby. Nurses see a lot of different cases. You will build the nurses trust, and they will relax and respect you with time.
—If you don’t like a nurse, you don’t have to stay, they will take perfect care of your baby even if they rub you wrong.
—Do what works for you and your baby, breastfeeding or bottle feeding. My baby was on a feeding tube for a long time, as well as a bottle, and I still breastfed him for awhile once he was discharged. I rented a hospital grade breast pump, it was a huge help for me.
—Talk to people who make you feel good.
—You don’t need to update every person that calls you on your baby’s status if you don’t want to.
—Try to avoid the emotional roller coaster of “Oh no he blued, that means two more days,” “she will be out of the isolet on Thursday, she’s not maintaining her temperature. We are waiting until Monday.” What worked best for me, was to relinquish control, and just go with the flow, advocate for your child, ask questions, but know you are not in control.
—Your baby will get discharged when they are ready, you don’t want to go back!
Grandparents
—It’s a balancing act of supporting but not overstepping your place, but you have the opportunity to make this time so much easier for all involved!
– Please tell me how cute and tiny the baby is. I know the rest of the medical situation and need emotional support.
—Make food.
—Pitch in with laundry.
—Listen to the information I share.
—Please don’t tell me that my baby should be home and it’s just the hospital keeping him. I have so many more doubts then you. I need a rock to lean on, to tell me it will be ok.
—Come visit my baby, I know it maybe hard for you, it is hard for me too.
—Celebrate the tiny milestones. He drank 1 ml from a bottle, woo hoo!
—Give my other kids attention. I feel great knowing they are in your loving care, they need you too!
Friends, Siblings, and Neighbors
—Text me please, talking on the phone is not allowed in the NICU.
—Send supper
—If I pick up the phone, I want to schmooze to you. I live my child’s health all day and night, so let’s talk about something else.
—Offer specific help, at a specific time, not general statements like “let me know what I can do to help,” For example, “Can I take your children for the afternoon on Monday…”
All the best!
A fellow mother who cares
|