This is the month to see things clearly and recognize a whole new world of truth.
Month: Tammuz
Mazel: Crab
Human Faculty: Vision
Tammuz is the time to exercise our feminine vision to see others—and ourselves—at the core
And just like that, the summer is upon us! The word Tammuz is an expression of heat in Aramaic, as it appears in Sefer Daniel, because during this month we experience the hottest days of the year. In these slower-paced days lies an incredible opportunity for accelerated growth. As commentators explain on the words of Eichah, “Kol rodfeha hisigiha bein hametzarim, All who seek her seize her between the narrow straits,” rodfeha refers to those who seek Hashem. The Three Weeks (known as Bein Hametzarim), which start during Tammuz, are auspicious for spiritual growth.
Which area of growth, in particular, do we want to focus on during Tammuz? We’re here to rectify that which has most been tainted davka at this time of year: the faculty of vision, which the Sefer Yetzirah associates with Tammuz. It was on the first of Tammuz that the Meraglim set out to scout out Eretz Yisrael, and it was during their espionage journey that they corrupted their sense of sight to see that which would most repel and frighten them and all of Klal Yisrael back in the Midbar.
The Meraglim’s greatest fault was that they looked at the surface. For example, instead of realizing that Hashem caused the giants to die so that they wouldn’t have to be frightened by them, they saw it as a blemish of the Land. The truth didn’t dawn on the Meraglim because they didn’t tap into this koach of this month, the koach of true vision, thus changing the course of our history…
We women, however, are inherently gifted. As discussed here, the women did not participate in the cheit because we have that innate koach to see beneath the layers, to turn a blind eye to that which isn’t the essence and go directly toward the core.
Want to tap into the greatest spiritual propensity of this month? Put on those Tammuz lenses. What type of prescription do they offer? In one word: truth.
Have you ever paid attention to how easily and quickly we go down the resentment/victim/negativity path if we simply slide along with the surface vision? Someone disappoints us in any which way, and before we know it, we’re painting them in shades of black and grey in our mind. All we see is their faults, their long history of misdeeds, their awful habits, their hopelessly irredeemable traits —just bad, bad, bad. With that kind of vision, our mind becomes a virtual breeding ground for anger, discord—and our own loneliness.
This month, dear sisters, we don’t want to see what hits us at first glance. We want to look beneath the surface, to peel away some layers, and get to the core. When I teach this concept to the women in my learning groups, we call it “ultrasound vision”—we’re looking toward the core in a very gentle, non-invasive way.
The Navi Zecharya promises that these days of Churban will transform into days of sasson and simcha—on one condition: “Veha’emes vehashalom ta’ahavu, love truth and peace.” This is the time to take inventory of how we can bring deeper peace not only among Klal Yisrael, but particularly within our own home.
By looking with eyes of truth to find the essence in others, we are tapping into the koach of Tammuz, ushering in more achdus among Klal Yisrael and in our own world, thereby hastening the Geulah.
Here’s how to maximize the potential of this month:
1. Once per day this month, when you catch yourself looking at someone—or yourself— with “surface vision,” (the sign? You’re feeling more and more agitated, upset, and thus more distant from them) first stop yourself. If my view leads to simmering, sulking, and the likes, I’m probably just looking at the surface. That’s not what I want to do, especially not in Tammuz!
2. Now, peel away some layers to get to the core. Access your Tammuz lenses, and ask yourself, “With my desire to usher more peace into this world/my home, what am I choosing to see? What may I have missed in my frustration/anger/heat of the moment?”
It’s then that a new picture unfolds: Perhaps I see someone who’s trying their best, someone who’s human, someone who could so use a good word right now, someone who wants connection but perhaps doesn’t know how to make it happen, or their way of asking for it is very different to ours. The Tammuz vision does not necessarily call for deep psychological analysis, just simple wanting to see the good in the other (and ourselves!).
So many negative traits can be reframed when tapping into the Tammuz vision is our priority. What at first glance appears as lazy, obnoxious, anti-social, irresponsible, self-centeredness, etc. can be understood so differently when we’re wearing our Tammuz lenses. “Wow, he really is trying his best…” “Wow, this really is hard for her.”
A parent called me the other day, expressing fury and outrage at what her child had done. The moment she took a step back and chose to see her child through a more understanding, wholesome lens, she was able to make room in her heart for this child. The results—and the improved relationship—that this incident ended up giving way to were breathtakingly beautiful.
(If we’re trying to exercise this Tammuz vision toward someone whose behaviors are causing us untold pain and it’s thus too difficult for us to see their good essence, [in addition to seeking help] we may find it helpful to exercise this Tammuz vision toward Hashem and the way He runs this world.)
3. Watch what happens next…
The incredible beauty of choosing to see the good core in others is how people—especially our husband and children— actually live up to the way they’re perceived. When we view others with eyes of understanding, it also opens our own heart to feel more love, compassion, and appreciation toward them.
Often, this desire to truly see another leads to conversations and ensuing revelations that we otherwise could have easily missed. The child who can’t get his act together? The husband who isn’t providing what we desperately need? The sister-in-law who takes up all the space in the room? When we are focused on understanding them and their struggle, a whole new world opens up for us.
Tammuz, Av, and Teves are considered Yarchei D’Eisav, months that are prone to galus and churban, when we’re more vulnerable to our enemies. By tapping into the deep potential for inner growth during these months—especially by repairing the disunity and “surface vision” that brought about the churban in the first place— we can reclaim them and turn them into months of simchah and Geulah. Let’s make it happen, dear sisters, by looking at others—and ourselves— with Tammuz vision.
Make this your most serene summer yet!
Join Shiffy Friedman’s Summer of Serenity, a 40-day program based on Sha’ar Habitachon (starting Rosh Chodesh Tammuz). You’ll receive a daily uplifting & thought-provoking 5-minute message (vial email and phone) and PDF, along with other exciting features. To sign up, click here, email info@lahavinitiative.org, or call 929-589-2371. You won’t believe how much calmer and at ease you can be—today.
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