Do you have a child who gets apprehensive about new starts and new teachers? These pointers will make the transition so much easier.
You are taking in the last few weeks of summer, watching your children enjoy its freedom— freedom to wake when they please, to play for endless hours— and you can’t help but recall how difficult the beginning of the previous school year was for this particular child.
Mothers, I want to encourage you and remind you that you are your child’s best advocate. ‘Forewarned is forearmed’; having your child know and understand what’s to come will help him/her acclimate and settle into the coming school year. Now is the very best time for this, parents. Take advantage of that cozy moment, as you put your child to bed, or before he runs off to play (one morning), or even on a Shabbos afternoon walk. Get on your therapist hat, and with motherly love and understanding, try to put yourself in your child’s shoes. You want to prep your child for all kinds of teachers. Walk him through some different style teachers.
Start with the ‘Strict Teacher.’ You can explain to your child that some teachers are very strict at the beginning of the year, but they often turn out to be the best teachers towards shortly afterwards.
Then you can walk your child through the first day. Explain how the teacher may come in and look around the room for a moment or two. This may make you feel uncomfortable. (“I remember my third-grade teacher I had to even hold back a giggle.”) The child who doesn’t understand the unwritten language may interpret the teacher’s stares to mean that the teacher is upset. Such a child may come home crying that ‘the teacher hates him,’ but by explaining that the teacher is trying to establish authority, you will help him feel more at ease.
Furthermore, explain to your child the idea of first impressions. Acting up and catching the teacher’s negative attention right at the beginning of the school year is not wise; such behavior will cause the teacher to keep a watchful eye, and will give the child the feeling that he/ she is being ‘picked on.’ Instead, encourage your child to be on their best behavior right from the start. This gives the child more leeway, as the teacher has already formed a positive impression and is more likely to ignore a slight rustle or disturbance here and there.
You may also want to discuss with your child the idea of the class clown, how people can be laughing at you and not with you. The student who keeps acting up and tries to make too much trouble is looked down at by his classmates with pity and/or amusement instead of respect and admiration.
These concepts must be repeatedly discussed multiple times before the new school year. A good idea is for you to role-play the teacher and have your child act like the student. Stare at him, snap in his direction and make him feel uncomfortable. Then explain to him that when he feels that way in class, he can imagine his Mommy giving him a hug, and he will feel better. Remind him that you are waiting to hear about his day when he comes home. Most importantly, give him the confidence that you know he can do it. You know he can behave like a big _____ grader, who will make those around him, as well as himself, very proud.
Can we write a post for teachers about being nice and caring on the 1st day? Would you want to go to a new place and get stared down and spoken to harshly? Why are teachers told to do this to our children? Do you know how terrified that little 10 year old girl is? Smile, be confident and sure but don’t be mean! And, yes, I am a teacher for many, many years (upper elementary.) The first day is serious but I am always kind. I always smile and I always make sure the girls go home feeling reassured that they are going to have a great year. The first thing I say is “Welcome to —– grade. It’s so wonderful to be here with you. We’re going to have a great year.” It’s amazing to watch the tension melt away. Best teaching tip? Treat your students the way you want to be treated. Would you want your new boss to stare you down?
Being strict, and mean are not the same thing! As I was coached in the beginning of my teaching career when students didn’t respect me, I was told to emulate a certain teacher that was clearly strict but no one would call mean. I have found that establishing authority is so important from the beginning and not acting like you are your students’ best friend. Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to be harsh. I don’t disparage my students and I try to be sensitive to their feelings. Establishing a presence though, is so essential from the beginning and paves the way to a much better year. Usually, the parents appreciate it a lot and the students come to understand and appreciate their teachers as the article suggests.
As the year progresses, and the teacher- student relationship is well established I can joke more in class, and the feeling in the classroom is slightly more relaxed. From what I’ve seen, teachers that say to pre-adolescents, “Shaifele, please sit down and stop talking,” are usually not treated with respect. Of course, there is no one correct approach and the only reason I’m commenting is to be melamed zechus and to give the perspective of that strict teacher that some students will be scared of. They won’t be fearful all year and it’s so important for parents to explain to their children that these teachers aren’t mean.
I’ve had many parents tell me how much they appreciate that my class has the tone of a classroom. Unfortunately, I’ve noticed that some students have no understanding of the respect and decorum that belongs in the classroom and really need to be put in their place from day one. Kol hakavod to any teacher of middle or upper elementary students who can be super soft from day one and have good classroom management. I’m sure there are some that can and continue that way if you can!
You are so right. Never did I suggest being super soft on day one. From what I’ve seen projecting confidence and control along with the ability to act normal and kind is the best way to earn respect. My classroom has the tzurah of a classroom – but with kindness and understanding. A young teacher recently told me that in a teacher training workshop she was told to establish control in the following way – walk into the classroom on the first day of school and immediately and randomly switch two girls’ seats. Why? To show that you are boss. Oy. And think how the poor girl who gets pointed to feels….I’ll get off my soapbox now. I know classroom management is important but teachers whose goals are control are hardly teachers.
love the post and the first comment!!
Awesome comment!! Go you!! Thank
You!! From a mom of a 10 year old girl!
Great post, however this isn’t really relevant to teens… would love to see a post on how to deal with teens that have a hard time with new transitions