I’m getting a lot of messages asking how we’re doing here in Eretz Yisroel.
Understandably, so many of your messages have a guilty undertone.
“I feel so guilty going to work…”
“I’m planning a simcha, and it just feels wrong…”
“My kids are off to camp, and I’m shopping and packing while your kids are dodging sirens. It’s so hard for me!”
Missiles were launched from Iran into Eretz Yisroel.
That sentence alone is enough to stop time.
But for those of you not yet zoche to be in Eretz Yisroel, life on the outside looks normal right now.
The school year is ending.
And camp duffel bags need to be packed.
And summer menus have to be planned.
Normal day-to-day stuff. But I know it doesn’t feel that way.
Because while you’re heading to work or labeling socks and packing sunscreen, you’re also checking the news ten times a day. Crying as you whisper Tehillim. Davening harder. Sending money. Feeling helpless. Feeling cracked open.
And at the same time… you’re still doing the normal.
Because you have to.
Because you have a family.
Because life doesn’t pause, even in pain.
But maybe that’s exactly what makes you feel so guilty.
Why am I still doing bedtime?
Why am I checking off to-do lists while other women are checking on their husbands in uniform?
Why am I setting my Shabbos table and folding guest towels, while someone else is crouched in a stairwell?
Why am I picking out a top for a date, while someone else is picking up shattered glass?
The guilt is real.
The ache is real.
But you’re not doing something wrong.
You’re living inside a broken world.
Galus Has Never Been Normal
Life isn’t “normal” right now, for any of us. Whether you’re in Eretz Yisroel or abroad.
But let’s be honest:
Life without the Beis Hamikdash has never been normal.
We just got used to calling it that.
So yes, things feel strange right now. They should.
And yet… this is the world we were born into.
And this is where our avodah begins.
The Work of Galus Happens in the Mundane
Even in these crazy times, we still have to show up.
We still fold laundry.
We still cook dinner.
And we also check work emails.
And text back about shidduch resumes.
And return books to the library.
And iron white shirts.
And meet a friend for coffee.
And wipe the counter for the tenth time today.
We still pack the peanut butter sandwiches, hand out ices, and make dentist appointments and answer twenty-five “Ma! Ma! Ma!”s in a row.
This is not a contradiction.
It’s the work of galus.
We shine light into a world that doesn’t make sense.
We bring Hashem into the ordinary.
We daven. We cry. We give tzedakah.
And then we sweep the floor and go to work.
Not because we don’t care.
But because we do.
The Mikdash Me’at Starts at Home
The Gemara calls it a mikdash me’at, a miniature Beis Hamikdash.
That’s what we’re building in our homes, every time we do the work.
Every time we respond with patience.
Every time we respond to a favor with happiness.
Every time we say a brachah aloud.
Every time we set the table with kavod.
Every time we tuck someone in with love, even if our hearts are heavy.
When we do those things, we’re not just surviving galus.
We’re preparing for geulah.
Even the Mundane Can Be a Mitzvah
So yes, finish packing those duffels.
Yes, prep that food.
Yes, send the nosh package.
Yes, stop for a coffee after work.
Yes, choose joy when it’s your turn to host.
Yes, get ready for that simcha.
Yes, review a friend’s resume.
But do it with extra awareness.
With the understanding that every normal act can become a spiritual one when it’s done with the right heart.
Because Hashem doesn’t just live in Yerushalayim.
He lives in your kitchen.
In your laundry room.
In your carpool line.
In your whispers of tefillah.
In your hallway as you leave for work.
This Is What We Can Do Right Now
No, you’re not in a uniform.
No, you’re not in a bomb shelter.
No, your life doesn’t feel heroic right now.
But showing up fully for your family, for the people you love, and for yourself, with love and dignity, is heroic.
This is how we hold up our part of the story.
This is how we become partners in the Geulah.
Because when we create a home where the Shechinah can rest, a mikdash me’at,
we’re not just getting through this darkness.
We’re lighting the way out.
And may everything we do, even the “normal” things, be part of bringing Mashiach.
Bimheira b’yameinu. Amen.
This is all true. Except I have to say something that might make people uncomfortable. I live in Israel with my five kids. I don’t need to write anymore. But the last week I’ve kept checking back on this site to see if anything was posted about what we are going through. This is the first post I have seen since Israel attacked Iran and our lives changed irrevocably, forever. Assuaging the guilt of someone living in chul comes before the Chizuk and support of women living in an actual war zone? This feels so tone deaf.
I am sure that there are a huge amount of women in chutz laretz for who this conflict feels intense, real, scary. It’s different than the women for who this conflict has prevented us from sleeping for more than an hour or two a night. Who worry about walking down the block to a friends kiddush because there aren’t public bomb shelters on that street. Who have been homeschooling for the past week with no end in sight. Who worry whether or not their building will be the one bombed tonight, and is our mamad strong enough to withstand a direct hit. This is real for us. It’s terrifying. I know your readership is varied, and you need to post about camp bags and packing lists. Please don’t let the goals of a lifestyle website interfere with the incredible opportunity to give chizuk to the people who need it the most.
Chana, your comment is so thoughtful and I’ve been thinking about it since I read it last night. You’re 100% right that there is a huge gulf between what the average mommy in America is experiencing and the average mommy in Israel is experiencing (which the author of this article is!).
However, I think it’s important to remember what Between Carpools is. It’s a website for the busy Jewish mother. I’m not a mother, so I recognize that, other than the recipes, their content will not be for me. I think it’s a mistake to expect them to provide chizuk for you. That’s not what they’re trying to be. While I appreciate Fradl Adams’ posts, this website is primarily about gashmiyus that relates to frum women. There is a whole section on Torah Anytime of speeches with chizuk during difficult times. That might be a better address for you.
I have to agree that I’ve been thinking the same thing! I live in EY and love between carpools. I felt a bit let down that until now there was no mention of what’s going on, not even some kind of tefilla initiative for us, something to at least acknowledge what is going on. I was Dan l’chaf zechus that BC probably thought it over and decided they wanted to keep things light for their readers.
BTW I definitely agree that people in chutz laaretz shouldn’t feel guilty! That is definitely the yetzer hara and doesn’t help us or you!
HI Chana, I replied to you but it didn’t get connected to your comment.. It is below… All the best!
I rarely post but couldn’t agree more with the first commenter. It feels so strange that this post is directed towards those in America while so many women are seriously struggling in EY. And yes, of course we know about Torah Anytime and trust me, we’re all actively working on our emunah! But to have it be such a small mention and even the mention is directed towards those not even in EY feel a bit off. I think the post itself is fine and the message is great, but it’s strange to have it be the one and only post about the situation…
I didn’t mean to imply that you need to work on your emunah! My point was that my perception of Between Carpools is that ruchniyus is not in their wheelhouse. It seems like they have a large readership in Israel, though, so maybe there should be more posts like “activities to do with your kids when you’re stuck at home without school or camp,” or “what should you stock in your maamad?”
Hi Chana,
Thank you so much for your comment. I read every word slowly, with a lump in my throat, and I want to respond with the honesty your words deserve.
First, I want to share something: I live in Israel too.
I’m here with my family- I have young children too. I hear the sirens. We keep going down to the miklat. My kids have been home. We feel the fear and exhaustion. I’m not watching this from the outside- I’m living it with you.
This piece wasn’t meant to gloss over our pain here in Eretz Yisroel, and it wasn’t only for women in chutz laaretz either.
It was written for all of us. Because honestly, none of us are okay right now.
Whether you’re packing a camp duffel in New Jersey or trying to plan Shabbos meals between missile alerts in Yerushalayim, there’s this strange dissonance we’re all carrying, between the normal and the very very very not-normal. Between trying to stay present and feeling completely overwhelmed.
Between showing up for our families and wanting to crawl into bed and cry.
You said something that hit me: “This is real for us.” And you’re right. It’s so, so real. And terrifying. And lonely. And exhausting.
And maybe you’re also right that we need more posts, more words, more chizuk that speaks directly to that.
You’ve inspired me to start writing something that’s just for us, living it from the inside. Not to explain it away. Not to spiritualize the pain. But just to say: I see you. I feel it too.
May Hashem protect you and your family. And may we all be zoche to real geulah!
With love,
Ellie
I completely agree with 1st comment. I love BCP but was let down by the silence. Truthfully, with most of my kids home, in laws stuck at my house, trying to continue to work full time, and attempting to not get bogged down by all the unknowns, I wasn’t about to give it all that much thought but I’m happy to see Im not alone in my sentiment. Oddly, I feel like friends and family in the states are also less aware and attuned to the situation. No blame, no hard feelings, just a dawning understanding of how different our lives are at this moment in history.
You know when something so big is happeneing, it’s not necessarily a blog post. The current events are huge in so many ways . Im sure were not the only family who feel like any second now mashiach will be here. Every time my boys wake up and b4 the go to sleep they ask me what’s the update with Iran and Israel. My 8 yr old daughter told me she’s going to be so happy when mashiach comes even thought she’ll miss our pool . My 5 yr old asked me why some people say ee-ran and some say i-ran….we are davening for eretz yisroel and all of our siblings who are there in yeshiva, in seminary (still!!) Mommy’s who need to get back to their kids…..