What Is Your Mission for Yom Tov?

Everyone has different priorities when preparing for Pesach. Make your own mission statement and take comparison out of the equation.

Pesach prep often leads to comparisons and feelings of inadequacy.

Do these quotes resonate with you?

“Mommy, we’re so behind; the Sterns have already been eating in their basement for the last three weeks since their kitchen is kashered!” (the comparison complex)

“I wish I was more organized. My kids would have an easier time if I was a better homemaker. (the blame game)

How do we free ourselves from the traps of comparison, blame, and guilt that so many of us fall into?

One of the keys is getting to know ourselves. What is my “mission statement” as a mother during this busy season? What are my “core values”?

Knowing your “why” will help guide you through the process and keep things in perspective.

For example, Shira enjoys the details, so her goal is to create an aesthetically beautiful Yom Tov for her family. Yehudis, working with limited time and budget, focuses on maintaining a calm and serene atmosphere in her home.

Getting to Know Yourself with the 4 P’s 

1. Profile: Back to basics. How many kids do you have? Who’s coming to your house for the holiday? For example,Yehudis has two little kids and lives in a small home. Her preparations will only begin three weeks before the holiday. Shira has a Pesach kitchen and is hosting her married children; she starts cooking in advance for her large family.
2. Physical/Financial: What resources do you have, both physical (cleaning help, kitchen help) and financial (budget for food, help, etc.)? If you get a bonus, will you put it toward extra cleaning help or perhaps takeout for the week before the holiday?
3. Priorities: What’s most important to you and your spouse? Focus on what you value most and let that guide your preparation time. This includes any Chumros (stringencies) or Minhagim (customs) that are important to your family.
4. Personality: Are you someone who excels at time management but needs to work on flexibility when others run late? Perhaps your planning is up to par, but you have difficulty creating a “Plan B.” Acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses so you can set realistic expectations for yourself and discover your own “golden path”.

Your situation is unique to you and your family. Comparing yourself to others will only bring you down. For example, if your sister-in-law is cooking in her Pesach kitchen three weeks before the holiday, remember: that’s her choice. You will have time to cook beautiful meals that your family will appreciate. Celebrate what you can do instead of worrying about what others are doing.

 Emotional Regulation Toolbox

To keep your stress in check and enjoy the process, here are some helpful tools:

• Self-Care: Take a moment for yourself. Whether it’s enjoying a cold iced coffee or treating yourself to a brisk walk in the park, make time for your well-being.
• Self-Calm: Deep breathing can work wonders. Step outside for a moment, take a deep breath, and let the fresh air rejuvenate you when you feel the tension mounting. 
• Self-Talk: Be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that you’re doing your best. Replace your “inner critic” with a supportive “inner coach.”
• Support system: Share your feelings with (like-minded) friends, relatives, and/or your spouse. Seek support from positive people who lift you up and help you stay calm.

Have a peaceful and joyful pre-Yom Tov season!