Chol HaMoed and ADHD: Help!  

For moms of ADHD kids, unstructured days need the right planning.

While fretting over chametz is a huge topic for all women, some of us have an additional issue to fret over, no less stressful than a chametz cookie on our Pesach table. The Pesach vacation with endless unstructured pre-Pesach and Chol HaMoed days with our ADHD kids has some of us moms waking up in a cold sweat. Our friends seem to have it all together, getting up early to go to Six Flags, Pesach picnic packed the night before, kids happy and clean, all getting along…

And then there are our kids. Why are they never satisfied with the food, activities, or each other? Chol HaMoed is a great concept, but don’t we secretly dread it every year? Try and get a bunch of structure resistant, high-energy, screen addicted kids up early, agreeing on an activity and getting along the entire time. Just the get up early, knowing where both shoes are part seems insurmountable. 

It feels impossible! 

But wait! If we can get the house cleaned and the seder prepared, we are capable people! Can we make Chol HaMoed work too? Is it possible to really enjoy the precious time that was gifted to us?

I think so. But just as we must prep physically for Pesach, we have some organizational work to do to enjoy the Chol HaMoed we so desperately want.  

Step one: Let’s begin with creating some structure, always the best place to start. It’s dreamy to think that during these vacation days we can sleep in a bit and let the day roll. Resist! Our ADHD kids need structure. If we let the morning “flow,” our chances of having a successful day will be very low. Every family needs a schedule board to launch the vacation day well. 

A schedule board is quite simple. Laminate a large poster board and use permanent markers to draw four sections on the paper. Get some Velcro strips. Attach the soft side of the Velcro to the board, in the middle of each section. The 2^nd side of the Velcro should be attached to pictures of your kids (laminate those as well for best results). Making each section a different color helps with communication with younger, pre-reading kids. Each morning, identify 4 specific, doable goals for your children, and at what times you would like them to accomplish these goals. Write each goal with an erasable marker in the designated section. As your children accomplish the goals, move their picture along the board. The goals I have written in the example are for younger kids. As children get older, we want them to take responsibility for helping launch the day. We may include helping pack the picnic, dressing a younger sibling, taking things to the car…

Children who move through the schedule board nicely, will be rewarded for each accomplishment. Rewards can be related to what we are planning for the day such as an extra ride at the park, more money for arcades, an extra treat… 

We will let our children know in advance what we are planning and invite them to give us reward ideas. Our younger kids will be told, you have finished blue, move right on to peach, so they can follow along. Since we are using erasable markers, we can write down separate tasks for different aged kids.

Wake up at 7:30 (use an erasable marker) velcro strip

Get dressed by 8:00 (use an erasable marker) velcro strip

Daven by 8:45 (use an erasable marker) velcro strip

Eat and get out to the car by 9:30 (use an erasable marker) velcro strip

Have a schedule board, will travel! We can take the board in the car to help us with car squabbles as well. Divide the car ride in 4 equal parts. Let your kids know EXACTLY what you expect of them in the car (sit in the seat you got without complaining, be nice to the kid next to you, keep your voice gentle). Be realistic please. Bring activities to the car so that they have something to keep them busy on long car rides. We love having a DJ who allows everyone to choose songs, or we listen to a podcast for kids with great stories. We also eat in the car. Children will be rewarded for responsible and respectful travel behavior when you arrive at your destination. I prefer to reward with an added activity, or extended time spent outside together rather than rewarding with sweets or expensive items.

Step two: Have realistic expectations. You don’t have to keep up with the Cohens! Every family has fun in a different way. It does not have to be far and expensive to be fun. We learned this during the Pesach lockdown a few years back. We were only permitted to stay close to home. We took an amazing hike right behind our house, a great time was had by all.

Step three: Invite your children to step up to the plate and help out. The more they help, the better the trip will be and the longer time you will have outdoors. Prepare them in advance by saying “If you do X, we will spend an extra hour at the park.” Allow them to see that their responsible, helpful behavior has a direct, positive outcome.  

Step four: As always, spend your time together outdoors, being active, without screens. Leave screens at home if possible.  Organize outings with friends and family who are like-minded and also prefer running around outside. Be a leader! Get your hiking shoes on, pack your hard boiled eggs, matza and lots of water and spend the day in Hashem’s beautiful world with the people you love best! 

Have a happy and meaningful Pesach.