Tips and tricks for wives to keep the connection strong, even when you only see your husband on the weekends.
So, you’re up in the country for the summer!
What does YOUR relationship sound like lately?
Maybe something like this:
Sunday: Bye, have a good week!
Monday: Hi, how are – Yossi! Not in the mud, not in the – Sorry, got to go.
Tuesday: Hi, Yossi ruined his white t-shirt, can you bring up his beige one? No, not the tan one. No. That one is eggshell. Beige. No stripes. Oh, just bring all of them.
Thursday: Hi, please make sure to get here by 4 this time. Don’t forget Yossi’s shirts.
Friday: Oh, good, you’re finally here. Please take the baby and go find Yossi for his bath. Did you bring the shirts?
Sunday: Bye. Have a good week. Where did all the time go?
Let’s face it – what with carpools, kriah homework, and packaging Ali Express returns, you sometimes feel like you and your husband are just co-owners of the family business – and that’s even when you’re sharing the same zip code! But when you’re apart, all bets are off.
Let’s change that.
I’m going to be sharing some stress-free, no-overwhelm, easy to remember tips for keeping the spark alive – even when you’re apart. Plus, you’ll find your most powerful secret weapon – and you’ll even learn some magic words that are guaranteed to melt your husband’s heart (and no, it’s not ‘steak for dinner’). Ready? Here we go.
First: your secret weapon. It’s cost-free, calorie-free, and you’ve been using it practically since you were born. It’s your smile – and it’s more powerful than you know. Why? Because every husband wants his wife to be happy. And a happy wife–is an attractive wife.
Now don’t worry–I’m not suggesting that you should be grinning 24/7 through late-night feedings and chocolate syrup finger painting. But pay attention as we go on and you’ll see where your smile will give you the biggest bang for your buck. Let’s go through your week again, shall we?
Daily Tip #1: 1 minute, twice a day every day, to check in and connect. A quick phone call will do the trick – and if you’re already calling about something practical, you can just tack on something cute, friendly, or fun.
What will we talk about? You can say:
I was thinking of you and I wanted to say hello
Hope you’re having an amazing day!
I wanted to tell you the cutest thing the baby did today
How’s my amazing husband doing today?
And once in a while–you’re going to want to use your powerful magic words: “I miss you.” Wow. Does that feel a little uncomfortable? That’s OK–say it anyway. That squirmy feeling comes from being vulnerable–and vulnerability is the most powerful connector of all.
Secret weapon check: Did you know that you can tell someone is smiling – even when they are talking over the phone? Remember to smile during those 1 minute calls, and you’ll super-charge that connection.
If 2 daily calls is just more than you can handle in your schedule, you can sub out one of the calls for a text – and don’t forget the emojis😉!
Daily Tip #2: 5-10 minutes to relax and schmooze, at the end of every day. I love the concept of a scheduled Tea Ritual. You don’t need to actually drink tea, of course – just schedule a time that works for both of you, each of you pour your favorite beverage, and spend 5-10 minutes on a phone or video call to share about your day.
That will take you from Monday to Thursday.
Now we’re up to Friday. When your husband comes home, what do you do first? That’s right–secret weapon time again! Give him a big smile to show that you’re happy to see him (you are, aren’t you?).
Then–before you jump in and get him involved in household help–give him at least 10-15 minutes to decompress from his drive, AND transition from his work in the outside world, to entering back into the home and family. Kind of like a disconnect to connect–and you’re the one who will reap the benefits.
Now you’ve got him for 48 hours–make it count. Over the weekend, carve out 20-30 minutes for some time together In Real Life. You could:
- take a walk with a sleeping baby
- eat ice cream on the porch,
- play a game of Bananagrams
- make pizza together and eat it by candlelight
If necessary, pay a local tween to babysit, or even trade off with another couple. Just as long as you have some meaningful, uninterrupted time– just the two of you, together.
So there you have it: 1,2,5,10,20.
1 minute, 2x a day for a quick phone check, 5-10 minute tea ritual every night, 10-15 minutes transition time, and 20-30 minutes for an at-home date night.
Remember your magic words–I miss you–and your secret weapon–your smile.
You might have noticed that every one of these tips can be tweaked to work during the year, too–pick your favorites and see what happens! This article is based on a video presentation for the Summer Series on Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation’s ‘Upward’ program: check it out at cchf.global/upward.
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