Often, the same thing said a bit differently–can change everything!
A while back Esti asked the team, “What’s a piece of advice you got when you were young that you still refer back to?” One of the pieces of advice that Shaindy shared sparked a discussion. She told us, “Don’t apologize all the time. Instead of saying, ‘Sorry I’m late,’ say, ‘Thanks for waiting.’”
We found that one simple switch of wording so inspiring we started looking out for more phrases we could switch to sound more positive. With one simple change of phrase, people now feel appreciated instead of annoyed! This opened up our eyes and we began to think of more examples of how words are received so differently when they’re simply spinned in a positive way.
One time, Leah was in the grocery store and there were long lines and not enough registers open. One’s initial reaction might be, “I’m sorry, can you open a new register please?” It may be clear that the “sorry” and “please” are just there to soften the annoyance in one’s voice. Instead, Leah said, “Will a new register be opening up?” If you were a store manager, would your reaction be different to either request?
Victoria finds that sometimes she forgets to respond to an email (or handle whatever she was supposed to as per the email), and a little later she’ll get a reminder email. Instead of “Oh, I forgot,” or “I didn’t get to it yet,” she writes back, “Thanks so much for the reminder!” With that response, she finds that people 1) Don’t feel bad that you forgot and 2) They don’t feel bad for nudging. Instead, they feel good and trust that she is now on top of it!
Do you have more examples of how the same words–phrased in a different, positive way–make people respond or feel so differently?
Another idea is to say my pleasure instead of no problem
My personal pet peeve!
When someone does a big favor for you don’t say “Oh my I feel so bad… you really didn’t have to go out of your way for me / We could’ve ate pizza bagels you didn’t have to make me a whole fancy dinner / it’s ok I really don’t need it… etc” Be a gracious receiver and say “Wow Thank you so much!! I’m touched… it means a lot that you did this for me”
The giver feels so much better when hearing it that way.
I agree so much with this! When I gave my kid’s morah a Chanukah gift and she said “oh this wasn’t necessary…” I was thinking that maybe I shouldn’t have! Since then, when someone does something for me, I just say “thanks, I really appreciate it!”
When complimenting something incorporate ”I” For example: instead of saying The soup was delicious say I really loved the Soup. It makes the compliment more personal
When someone apologizes instead of saying “it’s fine don’t worry” or “you really should be sorry”, instead receive the apology graciously and say “thank you so much. that means a-lot”