Is it proper etiquette to send a text when perhaps I really should send a card?
We received this question, and the answer is a resounding…yes! Send the text right away.
Yes, formal etiquette still says it’s appropriate to send a thank you card when you receive a gift. But, let’s be honest. Often, you don’t get around to it.
Plus, also sometimes you are receiving a gift, not for a simcha, because someone else is saying thank you to you. So sending back a card to say thank you for a thank you can start to get awkward and overkill. It’s in those situations that a text is really appropriate.
Here’s the gift-givers secret: They really don’t want to burden you with the pressure of sending a card. All they really want to know is that the gift got there! Don’t assume that the person knows that it was delivered. There’s always doubt.
So, sending an immediate text message is really the best way to let them know that. Send it right away rather than pushing it off (even if you might eventually send a card).
People put in a lot of effort (and money) deciding what to send you, choosing the right items, and making the arrangements.
Is it an overwhelming time for you? A time when there may be multiple gifts arriving? Just had a baby or it’s the weeks before a wedding? If there’s a teen in the home that can be in charge of keeping track of what gifts have arrived, who sent them, and what they are, they may do a great job. This way, you can sit down and send your messages when you have a few quiet moments.
Bonus: Add a personal note, or even better, a photo of the item already in use in your home if appropriate.
Not to start a firestorm here, but just to make your younger readers aware that, depending on the situation, the older generation might find a thank you text just a tad offensive. Be sensitive to that. If great aunt Shprintza knitted a blanket for your baby & you reply with a text, she’s going to consider that rude. Pick up the phone and CALL HER! (Besides the thank you card that you will of course send!)
To the older generation, a text is a sign of dismissal — texting to older people is something reserved for the unimportant — pick up a carton of milk on the way home.
Etiquette in any situation depends on the cultural norms of all the parties involved. Eskimos have different etiquette than the King of England. What is normal and understood by one is offensive to the other. The older generation didn’t grow up in the digital age and so the texting etiquette of the younger generation is foreign and sometimes seen as lacking in manners rather than the reverse.
Something to keep in mind.
Just to point out. You are actually doing something disrespectful by saying great aunt shprintsa.. I forgive you but as a Shprintse i find your comment more hurtful than a texted thank you. So once again there are no rules. I’m young a Shprintse and I would be happy with a warm text
Whoops! I think she was trying to use a generic name – please don’t be offended!
Shabbat shalom to all!
I agree with the comment, however, it has happened to me too many times that I worked hard making supper for a new mother or sent something in to a Simcha and was left with a bad taste, as it wasn’t acknowledged until a week later. A simple thank you text such as “thanks so much, supper was yum and we all enjoyed” or “thank you for participating in our simcha” is all we really need. Its no fun to spend half the day in the kitchen or drive across town to deliver a gift or platter for a Simcha and wonder if it was even appreciated.
We can not underestimate the power of hakaras hatov!!
Absolutely agree about hakaras hatov ! However to an older person, a text does NOT convey that hakaras hatov — rather it’s seen as a sign of disrespect instead — “I’m not important enough for her to pick up the phone and call me?”
I once heard some older women discussing the current trend of not having place cards at weddings. While they did understand that obviously you know if your the Kallah’s family or choson’s neighbors, and you will find a place to sit without much trouble, they felt that if you value their presence (and their presents!), you will make the effort to make a seating card for them! This comes from their more formal (usually European) upbringing. They understand that it’s practical, but feel that conveys disrespect.
Similarly, many older people who actually have texting (and not all do), still view it as a “lesser”, less chashuv, mode of communication. They feel that if you REALLY appreciated them/their efforts, you would pick up the phone and call them.
Exactly, true on both counts.
Yes, I certainly agree that to an older person, things are different. Its a different generation. Guess its always good to know your customers and adapt accordingly 🙂 Yes, my grandmother probably wouldn’t appreciate a thank you text for the baby gift she got me.
Very true point! The older generation needs a call as acknowlowdgement rather than a text.
When we sent a gift or make a supper, we are often seeking connection. Sending a text instead of calling ends that connection. While there’s a time and place for a quick thank you text, a phone call is a nice addition.
not to say a phone call isn’t appreciated or necessary. But it sometimes takes a while until that can happen and acknowledgment is often necessary before then
@Malky “Eskimos have different etiquette than the King of England”
Please be aware Eskimos is an offensive term.
Inuits is the correct one
@Sprintze, If you want to be really technical, it’s “The Inuit” or “The Inuit people”. Inuit is a plural noun. It doesn’t take or need an “s”.
And everyone, please stop picking on Malky for her choice of words. She is expressing a very real and important point, in an eloquent and clear way.
Shprintze, perhaps you were named after a great aunt, so the name choice is valid. Nothing wrong with the name, no offence meant or needed, I know 2 very sweet little Shprintzys.
Agreed. Thank you Chani
I have to say I thought I was doing the right thing by sending out a card. Meanwhile till the card got to people I got texts like “hey did u get my gift?”
When we had a baby recently B”H we created a Whatsapp group with my husband and myself on it, for baby gifts and each time we got a gift, a meal or anything we wrote the name and what they gave. Then when we had a few minutes we called or texted the people who gave us something. Then we updated the chat so we knew who thanked someone and who needed to be thanked.
I think that some things deserve a card and some things like a dinner can get a phone call that week saying “we loved the food you made” sbd be specific. As k for the recipe and it shows you really liked it. I had a friend who told me her kids complained about the dinners in her house so she really appreciated the call. Her dinner was delicious!