Think it’s intimidating to take all your kids out by yourself? It may be, but it’s worth it.
The weather is nice and the kids are out of school. It is time to get outside and have some fun with the kids! Many times though, if you want to have fun with the kids, you have to do it alone. Heading out solo with the kids can be intimidating and sometimes so overwhelming that you skip out on the whole thing. But–Solo trips with the kids can actually be a great opportunity to connect in a whole new way.
From the minute my kids were born (twins as my first go) I was forced to be able to handle them alone. My husband was a second year medical student when we had our twins and I was outnumbered from the get go while he was busy studying. We lived on a medical school campus, so there wasn’t much entertainment for us there, so I had to get comfortable taking them out alone. At each stage, there were different challenges but together we got out of the apartment and had a lot of fun together! I remember taking them to the Bronx Zoo for the first time alone once they started walking and feeling so proud after we had a great day and I didn’t lose either one of them! The feeling you get after a full day out of the house and managing it all on your own is worth any extra work! You will feel very proud of yourself and know that you can handle anything if you can manage that!
As my twins grew, we added a third before they turned three and my husband was now an intern and basically never home. Three under three may have made me even more nervous than two toddlers running in different directions! Giving yourself some time with a new addition is important before running out alone with all of them. Getting adjusted to the shift of just being alone at home with the kids is useful before embarking on taking them all out alone. Maybe you finally got comfortable with your sprinter of an 18 month old at the park and now have a newborn strapped to you and can’t even imagine going anywhere ever again! It takes time and adjusting to new methods but after some time you will get into a groove and be ready to leave your four walls. It is so important to feel like life will go on and you will see other human beings again after adding another child to the mix and starting out small is the best way to get out and get some fresh air without feeling too overwhelmed. Slowly, the baby will grow and you will learn to be a mom of 2 or 3 or 4 and feel more comfortable with all the kids and being in public places for long stretches of time.
Getting out of the house with my now 5 kids has always been how we cope with long days when everyone is home. It might seem like more work to head out but it always means happier and entertained kids which means less fighting and figuring out a million and one activities to keep everyone occupied for a long day.
The most important thing for our solo trips has always been open communication with the kids. We become a team with a single purpose that we all are motivated to reach- having fun! They want to go somewhere and we discuss that if we all want to go I need their help. Before leaving, usually when everyone is strapped in their seats in the car and I can get all of their attention, I explain that I am but one adult with 5 kids. I explain where we are going and what that might entail, i.e. staying close to me or helping carry something or pushing a stroller for me. They rise to the occasion when they are brought on board and I find they have their best behavior when we are out alone.
I also prepare myself for these trips. I remind myself that as long as everyone is safe nothing else matters. What is really the worst that can happen? A tantrum isn’t going to be the end of the world. I keep expectations low and would be fine if we even just got a drive in and lasted an hour and turned around. When we end up spending five hours out I am only pleasantly surprised. I make sure I get a good night’s rest the night before because having energy for it all is key. If I am going to be alone with the kids for a bigger trip I prefer not to go with any friends and their kids. It makes it hard for me to focus on my own kids because I will inevitably want to talk with my friend. We also then have no one else’s schedule but our own to worry about and can do exactly what we need. Being super focused on my kids ensures safety as well as deepens our connections from a great trip just me and them.
With the summer comes water. Water safety is crucial and being alone with kids and water requires making sure the circumstances are all safe for you to handle it alone. It depends on the age of your children, what kind of body of water it is, how contained it is, how comfortable you and your children are with water etc. Puddle jumpers are so helpful for added safety no matter how many adults are present but still require extreme amounts of vigilance when a non-swimmer is around. My kids and I are very comfortable with water and I have taken them alone to pools and lakes but it has always depended on the ages and amount of kids I had each time. This is not the time to test yourself and stretch your abilities for a solo outing. Making sure you feel completely comfortable with the water situation is very important. That being said, a calm lake with lifeguards and your total presence can be a great summer day with the kids and sometimes feels even more manageable than an indoor place!
With a little advanced thought and preparation you can have a fun day out of the house with all the kids and will likely connect with them in a way you never would have if you had another adult with you. There is no one to distract you with a chat and no time to check your phone. You have to be completely “on” but in the most fun way- hopefully exploring a new place or spending time outside with the people you love the most.
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