Not every child adjusts well to new sleeping places and schedules, away from his familiar surroundings and comforts. This is how you can help ease the transition.
The most hectic time of year!
Mothers you earned the reward!
The children are off to school and things are slowly falling into schedule. The kids are adjusting and quite frankly you are adjusting to the new routine. Hurried mornings to get everyone out on the right foot. Of course, you are relieved that Yanky has settled in better than expected. You definitely did quite a bit of talking to him and he seemed to connect with what was discussed. As you’re putting together your Yom Tov menu and running on last minute errands you can’t seem to take Yanky out of your mind. Whenever you have a guest or go away Yanky makes such a fool of himself and everyone around him. He always puts himself into awkward positions and makes tantrums about everything even more than the average day.
“How do I help him? How will I go to my parents without all these difficult situations coming up? They put Yanky in the worst light. It makes me feel like such an incompetent parent. I almost wanted to stay home because of him.”
So again, mothers let’s put on our therapist hats again and try to imagine as many scenarios as possible that may crop up. What are some difficulties that lie in Yanky’s way?
Start with preparing him with where he will be sleeping, and where he will be sitting at the table. Try to give him as many choices as possible. Meaning if there is an option between 2 beds or bedrooms give him the choice. Choices are empowering. Let him know where he will be sleeping and what’s expected of him. For example, he must put his suitcase in the corner of the room and keep his stuff contained. Go through a meal with him and discuss which extended family will be at the seudah. Let him know how excited everyone is to be together and enjoy.
Then explain to him what issues can be problematic. Explain how everyone feels when you overreact. Help him understand how uncomfortable everyone feels when you aren’t listening to authority, or you are being wild when everyone is listening to someone talk. Ask him if it’s too hard for him to have self-control. Ask him if he’d rather stay home for Yom Tov by the neighbor or an aunt even though you will be sad if he doesn’t come. (Of course, that is not an option, and he doesn’t want that either.) But once he “chooses to come” he must follow the decorum. Give him a scapegoat if things get overwhelming. For example, he can go to his room with a book or maybe you can buy a game or toy he can play by himself in a quiet corner. He can always come next to Mommy for a tight hug or a wink when he feels uncomfortable since Mommy always understands you.
But if he is part of the crowd he must behave like the crowd. A good idea would be to put in place a positive and negative plan to reinforce or motivate him. Like an ice cream after Yom Tov if he makes mommy and himself proud. And finally, give him the words of confidence that you know he can do it and you know he will make himself proud.
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