If you grew up without a sister, you can still fill the gap.
The letter came addressed to me as “Fave Sister.” This may not sound like a big deal, but to me it was. I don’t have a sister. I always wanted a sister. Being the big sister to my younger brother in our family of three, including my mom, I always drooled when seeing my friends with their sisters. I love my brother, dearly! However, he is not a sister. Growing up, we received love and attention from our single mother and I came to terms with the makeup of our family, including our father dying suddenly when we were young.
In seminary, the concept of sharing clothes was strange to me as I didn’t grow up with that activity. Fast forward to motherhood. I really wished I had a sister who would pop over and help or drop off a meal, or for me to do the same, watch my kids when I needed to run out, and even just hang out with each other. My mom worked full-time and did as much as she could, but she wasn’t a sister that I could kvetch to or have that easy give-and-take relationship that seems to define the nature of sister relationships. As my children grew older, I started hearing about sister trips that other women took, leaving behind the kids with their husbands, while they went gallivanting somewhere fun. More drooling; more wishing.
Then I grew up. I discovered I do have sisters, blessedly lots of them. It was at my son’s aufruf Shabbos with my mechutanista standing beside me when I realized this. Rochel and I became close during the wedding planning process, and we confided in each other like sisters. I introduced her to the people coming over to say mazal tov. I was so touched by my co-workers, fellow morahs, who walked quite a distance in the cold (it was November) to wish mazal tov. I introduced each one as my sister! My mechutanista laughingly said, “Oh, you have a lot of sisters!” I didn’t fully realize it then, but now I recognize how fortunate I am. Later, maybe even years after that, I realized that I am part of a much bigger family.
Sisterhood is defined as “the feeling of kinship with and a closeness to a group of women.” There is a lot out there on the notion of sisterhood, the concept of sisterhood, even the color of sisterhood and flowers representing these values. The most simple and profound statement that spoke to me is that it is “a bond built on love,” and some say shared values. I think it is a combination of both. You can grow to love another person based on respect, shared experiences, and again respect from that, as well as connect through common goals, dreams, and aspirations. There is the sisterhood of Friendship which includes childhood friends, and those are the ones that bring a smile of nostalgia to one’s face. There is the friendship from seminary/college and having shared experience of discovering oneself and independence, even more so in a foreign country with wacky adventures. There is friendship developed from meeting other young parents when your children are young. Then the sisterhood circle expands to include work relationships, hobbies, and outside interests of your family and profession.
Indeed, I am part of a very big family. There is one type of sisterhood that is particularly near and dear to my heart. For those of us who lost a parent, and are still traveling that journey, these are the sisters who help you on that path in a way your other sisters cannot.
While I may not have had dinners sent to me, nor those vacations, I have learned over the years something priceless. Along the journey of searching for sisterhood, I’ve met so many amazing women. I cherish each one in the album of my mind. Even though G-d did not give me a biological sister, He gifted me with so many others to cultivate a relationship in other ways. We laughed and cried together, enjoyed delicious dinners, and fun excursions, engaged in conversations from the mundane to the meaningful. I wouldn’t trade my treasured and unique sisters for anything in the world.
Here’s to you, Sista’!
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