Is your teen constantly asking for “stuff?” You can stay true to your values and raise an appreciative vs. entitled teen.
One of the most common frustrations parents have with their teens is dealing with what feels like ungratefulness, entitlement, or a self-centered attitude. Parenting teens is already challenging—but when your teen seems spoiled or unappreciative, it takes it to a new level.
Spoiled behavior doesn’t always show up in obvious ways, it can look like a cold attitude, a lack of motivation, or a resistance to putting in effort. You might find yourself thinking, where did this come from?
Or how do I fix this?
It’s totally normal to feel confused about whether it’s “just a phase” or a deeper issue. Figuring out what’s ‘typical teen stuff’ versus ‘signs of entitlement’ can be tough. But when spoiled behavior takes hold, it can seriously strain your connection with your teens and leave you feeling like you’re on two different planets.
Why do teens act spoiled?
It’s normal for teens to go through a phase where they seem self-centered or entitled. Their brains are still developing—especially the parts that handle empathy, self-control, and long-term thinking. So, things like gratitude, respect, and social awareness don’t always come naturally.
That’s why the teen years are a key time to teach important life skills—like perseverance, thankfulness, and healthy boundaries. These habits aren’t automatic, but with guidance and consistency, they can be learned and strengthened over time.
Potential contributing factors to entitled and spoiled behavior in teens:
1. Parents that are ungrateful and exhibit bad manners.
2. Parenting with guilt. When parents feel guilty about not being present for their children, they will overcompensate by buying and offering gifts, rather than prioritizing quality time and connection.
3. Avoiding conflict and never saying “NO.” Parents want to keep the peace; however, teens will start to expect that everything needs to go their way.
4. Rescuing them from natural consequences because it is too painful to see your children suffer. Shielding teens from failure or discomfort denies them valuable learning moments. Without experiencing consequences, they may not develop resilience or self-awareness.
Recently, my client Pessie shared how worn down she feels by her daughter’s constant demands. Her daughter insists on having the latest styles in clothing, shoes—even her backpack and school supplies need to be “just right.” If she doesn’t get what she wants, she yells, screams, and doesn’t let up. It’s exhausting.
Pessie is really torn. On the one hand, she wants her daughter to fit in and feel confident. On the other, it’s putting a serious financial strain on the family, and she doesn’t believe her daughter should get everything she asks for. Sound familiar? This is such a common scenario.
I reminded Pessie that this isn’t an all-or-nothing situation. She doesn’t have to give in to every demand, and she also doesn’t have to ignore her daughter’s need to feel seen and heard. I encouraged her to have a calm, honest conversation—one that sets boundaries, and also opens the door to connection and understanding.
5 Ways to Deal with a Spoiled Teenager
1. Setting clear boundaries and limits and following through with consequences. When you follow through with consequences, your teen sees that you mean business and they will learn self-control and respect.
2. The importance of earning things. This may sound a bit old-fashioned but it’s a wonderful way for your teens to learn about hard work and appreciation. Rather than giving in to every request, encourage them to work toward what they want.
3. Model gratitude daily. Show them what thankfulness looks like. Talk about what you’re grateful for, thank them when they help, and create a culture of appreciation at home.
4. Get out of the habit of fixing everything for them. Resilience is built through struggle.The sense of entitlement will fade when teens see that they can handle hard things.
5. Make time for connection. Entitlement often masks disconnection. Spend time with your teens doing something they enjoy—without lecturing. It helps them feel seen, which makes them more open to your guidance.
Chaya, one of my clients, recently came to me with a challenge many parents face: how to encourage her 19-year-old son to earn the things he feels entitled to, like a car.
Her son had been eyeing a car for some time, believing that it was something he “needed.” However, Chaya felt strongly that if he was old enough to drive and own a car, he was old enough to pay for it himself.
The problem? Chaya wasn’t sure how to approach the conversation. She feared her son would “freak out” at the idea. After all, all of his friends had their own cars—and none of them had to pay for them. This was a tough spot for Chaya, as she didn’t want to create tension or make her son feel unsupported.
After coaching her through the process, I reminded her of a key point: confidence is key. Instead of approaching the conversation with uncertainty, I encouraged her to speak to her son from a place of confidence, setting clear boundaries without feeling guilty.
I also recommended that her husband be present to help show a united front. Having both parents on the same page would reinforce that this wasn’t just one parent’s decision, but a family value.
By being firm, clear, and united, Chaya could help her son understand that responsibility comes with privilege, and that earning something—whether it’s through work, saving money, or contributing in other ways—is a valuable lesson that would serve him well.
Let’s remember, the goal isn’t perfection – it’s teaching your teen important life skills while keeping your relationship strong. With patience, empathy, and clear communication, you can guide your teens through this phase without sacrificing your values or your sanity.
Great article, wish I knew this when my teenager was still home, now that she’s married is there a article for that stage but same attitude?