The internal side to self-care will do more for you than that pampered afternoon.
What do wigs, pilates, bubble baths and gorgeous linen have in common? It’s simple: they are all forms of self-care.
We all need to feel good about how we look, take care of our bodies, and carve out some downtime for ourselves in our hectic lives. And as for luxurious linen – that’s my favorite way to feel pampered. It’s basic self-care.
And don’t get me wrong. There’s truth in all of that. I am the first person to advocate for pilates classes (which I really need to sign up for again!). We all need to look after ourselves and all these things are part of that.
But true self-care is so much deeper and sadly, we might find ourselves chasing after all these external forms of self-care rather than turning inwards.
What Does Real Self-Care Look Like?
The Scenario: Didn’t catch the nuances in a conversation and said totally the wrong thing? ● The Inner Critic: I’m so stupid! How could I have said that?! What was I thinking?!
● The Self-Care Voice: It’s true, I did mess up that conversation and I feel bad that I hurt my friend. It’s normal to miss things sometimes. I love myself anyway.
The Scenario: Snapped at your kids and had a fight with your husband? ● The Inner Critic: I am such a mean person; I’m ruining my family! There’s something really wrong with me!
● The Self-Care Voice: I really lost control of myself and that’s a shame. But I’m still worthy of love. I’m giving myself such a big hug.
The Scenario: Blew money you don’t have on a purchase you don’t need? ● The Inner Critic: I can’t make good decisions. It’s all my fault we’re struggling this month. Why can’t I be more sensible?
● The Self-Care Voice: I made a mistake. That’s okay. Human beings make mistakes. I can forgive myself.
The Scenario: Went on a fridge-raid and ate way too much chocolate and chips? ● The Inner Critic: I have no self-control. I feel so fat and stuffed. Why couldn’t I stop myself? I’m such a loser.
● The Self-Care Voice: It’s okay that food is a struggle for me right now. I accept myself exactly where I am on my journey and I can have compassion for myself.
The Core of the Matter
Self-care, at its root, is the recognition that we are precious children of G-d and have innate value that nothing and no-one can ever touch. It doesn’t matter how many mistakes we make or how badly we fall. Nothing can ever make us unworthy of love or compassion. Even in the face of a genuine failure, our essence stays whole, sacred, and infinitely precious.
Self-care matters because we matter.
Self-care is caring for the inner self. Self-care is replacing that inner critic with inner caring. Top Tip: The ‘Self’ in Self-Care
The next time you engage in a “physical” self-care moment, don’t waste the opportunity. Take the moment to give some care to your ‘self’. Sink into that bubble bath and tell yourself whatever you need to hear.
● You can talk to yourself as a friend – I love you, Chana
● You can talk in first person – I love myself so much
● You can say it however you like in whatever way resonates with you – Chana, you are incredible and I really love you with all my heart
You can say it to the mirror.
You can say it in bed.
You can say it in the bathroom.
You can say it every day or every week or even just every month. But are you going to let years go by without ever giving your inner self some love?
Don’t waste those times when you’re already giving to yourself. Boost up that self-care moment with some loving self-talk.
The Ripple Effect
The bonus is that when you start talking to yourself with compassion, when you can always love yourself no matter what, when you accept yourself with all your flaws – you begin to look at your family differently too.
So when your husband screws up and wastes money you don’t have to buy something you don’t need… or when your child messes up something… when people make mistakes and do things wrong (or don’t do them at all)… it doesn’t take away from your ability to love them. You can look at it all with much more kindness. It doesn’t have to ruin the relationship. Instead of criticism, there’s compassion. Instead of anger, there’s acceptance.
Many of us have very strong inner critics. But speaking kindly to yourself is the most basic form of self-care there is.
That, and pilates. (And gorgeous new linen certainly won’t hurt either.)
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