Want to hear some good advice from moms who have raised twins themselves (and sometimes, multiple sets?). We asked lots of moms for their best advice on how to enjoy the best and get through the challenging parts.
So, you just found out you are having….. TWINS!!! Oh my! Your heart skips a beat. Or two. And those butterflies? Those are real.
You might, like many couples, choose to keep this between the two of you, for now. Or, for as long as possible. But, you still need some chizzuk. Someone to tell you “You are going to be ok. You can do this.”
So this is where we come in. The BCP older sister, right? While none of us are moms of multiples ourselves, we did the legwork for you and interviewed a few different moms so you don’t have to.
Here’s what they said:
BCP: “What would you want to tell a woman who just found out she is pregnant with multiples? What would have been helpful for you to hear at that same moment?”
Mom of 3-year-old twins:
“I remember bursting into tears when the doctor told me I was pregnant with twins. I couldn’t look at the screen. The doctor gently reminded me that I did not want to miss that moment, that I really should open my eyes and look at those two, strong heartbeats inside me. Once I saw that my entire attitude shifted and I just wanted to see them already and hold them both. I davened a lot. I still do. Twins teach you to daven. Because, what else can you do? I davened for a healthy pregnancy, I should be healthy, both babies should be ok and I should have the strength to raise them.
You can do this! Hashem doesn’t send you a task you cannot do. I truly believe that.”
Mom to two sets of twins:
“Twins are the best thing in the world! I did it twice and enjoyed it so much. Twins have each other. Every child is a miracle but to watch a child develop, in duplicate is a true miracle. Twins are such a strong bond, a unit. It’s amazing to witness that.”
Mom to two sets of twins, 13 years and 8-years-old:
“You are so, so lucky! and I know you are probably freaking out right now… it’s scary. But remember Hashem gave this to you, and it’s an opportunity most people don’t get. It will be fun, you’ll see.
Do try to share the news with someone because you will need all the support you can get and you might have to rest more and get more help. So it’s good if someone can be there for you.
Also, if you know someone with twins, call her. She will know how to make you feel better about what’s coming. And she will keep it to herself.”
Mom to 6-year-old twins:
So many people told me this mantra, “Double the work, triple the nachas” and I found it to be so true.
There’s really nothing like the experience of bringing up twins. Some days are hard but it’s really an amazing experience. The way they interact from day one; it continues throughout life. There’s definitely an extra connection and I’m so glad I get to witness it as a parent.
Mom to 5-year-old twins:
“For now, look forward to the adorable matching outfits and the built-in company those kids will have. You have nine months to get used to it and plan the best way for you to manage this.
If you are blessed with a supportive family tell them sooner rather than later. Don’t keep it a secret – they’ll be the best support system, they’ll help and want to be there for you – let them. It’s not a journey you are meant to do by yourself, not even during the pregnancy.”
BCP: “Now that you are looking back, what is the best advice you can give?”
Mom of 3-year-old twins:
1- You have to be chilled–especially if you have a type A personality. I had twins, child 2 and 3. When you have one kid you can be on top of everything. You just can’t with twins–especially when you have 3 under the age of 3 (like I did! Phew!). There will be crying and there will be chaos and the house will be messy and you just need to embrace it. You cannot be hard on yourself.
2-Accept all offers of help. I got suppers for a month. It was really helpful. If someone offers to take your older kids–say yes. Every little bit helps.
3- Make time for yourself. Get a sitter and go out for dinner. When my twins reached a particularly hard stage, my husband and I implemented a monthly outing. It makes you remember you’re an adult and not just a parent of twins. I organized outings with my friends too. I made it a priority.
Mom to 6-year-old twins:
1- Learn to accept help. No such thing as not your type. It’s not the time to be a super mom. Accept any help that is offered. Don’t be a hero. I remember once I had a day that I had no help; I believe it was New Years’ and my help didn’t show up. Someone offered to come by for 2 hours. I said, “Oh, please, I’m fine” but she insisted and came over anyway. I remember so vividly being able to step out and getting some errands done. It was so healthy. I came back refreshed and energized.
2- I used to not be so into schedules. But with twins, you must adhere to schedules. Otherwise, you will be feeding them all day. Twins have to be on the same schedule. It’s hard because sometimes you will have to wake up a sleeping baby to feed him, because the twin is doing that. But it’s worth it. If they eat at the same time, hopefully they get to sleep at the same time, and you get to have some time to relax. Otherwise, it’s just constant work. So wake up that sleeping baby, you’ll see. After a while, they will have the same schedule and it will be easier.
Even a 9-year-old will be a great help with this. You do need another person but even a child is enough.
3- Another mantra that stayed with me“You want to enjoy it. Not just survive it.” Someone told me this line and it really resonated with me. Try to find ways to make things work. Get the help you need. Figure it out. Keep this sentence in mind.
Moms of 2-year-old twins.
1- Firstly, accept that certain standards of perfection that you’re used to pretty much go out the window. It’s ok to make mistakes, to have messy, emotional days, and it’s not an indication of your abilities as a mother in any way. Secondly, and probably most importantly, you must accept help. Whether you are fortunate enough to have hired help, or you ask for extra assistance from your husband, kids, or extended family, there is no shame in admitting that you can’t do it all on your own.
2- Accept that you will make mistakes. Promise yourself that you will do the best you can, and, when a strategy does not work, you will fall back, regroup and try again. Franklin D. Roosevelt said it well: It is common sense to take a method and try it, if it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something!”
3- “Constantly remind yourself that you will sleep again. You will eat a full meal again. While it’s still warm too! You will get dressed again. This is temporary and it’s a blessing.”
Mom to 5-year-old twins:
“Start saving up today. You have 9 months to save money for a nurse. If anyone asks you “What do you need?” forget about the Bugaboo. Ask parents and in-laws for as much hired help as economically possible. Having help is the difference between making twins a difficult time and bliss. Spend every dollar you can on good help. The nurse doesn’t mean you don’t have the kids until they’re two or you go back to your first life. Not at all. It means you get to enjoy the perks of twins, and only that, without the crazy hardship. On Friday night after lighting, I would stroll with them around the block. Everyone loved to see and hold them. I was rested and happy and proud and only had this part of them! I had no disconnection. Not disconnection but I wasn’t up at night again and again and I could run the errands feed the family and have them or one of them at a time when I wanted.”
Mom to two sets of twins, 13 years and 8-years-old:
1- Treat your twins as individuals. They will always be twins. The twin part comes naturally, you dress them the same, they sometimes really look the same…See how they are growing and developing, see what each one needs as an individual. Treat them as individuals.
2- Accept all help. And you have two hands. Stay calm, you can do it. You have the strength to raise them, don’t doubt it.
Mom to two sets of twins:
“My pediatrician told me: you can fall into the trap of comparing them. They are no more similar than two siblings that share the same address. Just because they were born at the same time does not mean that they will share the same milestones. That advice stopped me from comparing them. Always look at them as individuals. “
Mom of two sets of very active twins:
“You might find it funny but I don’t own any chairs. Sure, I own them, but they are in my basement ever since my twins were born. BH, my children are active, and in no time a chair is a tool to climb onto the table, on the counter, onto a shelf… the list goes on. I now have some folding chairs in a closet and we pull them out as needed!”
Hi!
I love this post! I’m a mom of 20 month old twins, my firsts, and it the most amazing challenging and fun experience! I still have full time help and it happens really often that I get comments from people hinting to the fact that I’m spoiled… etc… So to answer that, firstly, I DISAGREE, at the end of the day a mom is still a mom and she carries the burden of the kids… and secondly, I do have a lot of help, but I really ENJOY my kids, I spend TONS of time with them and love every minute of it!!!!!!! I spoke to so many moms of twins that cant even remember what it was like to raise their twins cause its all fogged up in a cloud of tiredness,,, or worse, moms that were totally traumatized by the experience, they couldn’t even think back to that time. I feel like I will be able to look back and say that I ENJOYED every minute of raising my twins to the fullest. So my tip to you, TAKE AS MUCH HELP AS YOU CAN GET!!! AND ENJOY THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was waiting for such a post! My twins are a little over 2 right now and I am starting to hope that I can almost breathe a sigh of relief. They are children # 2 & 3 and my oldest was 2 1/2 when they were born! Yes, that’s 3 under 3!!!
I’ll be very honest here, it’s a long hard journey in the beginning! My suggestions to anyone pregnant with twins are to take care of yourself (no, that is NOT an oxymoron ;)!) especially in the very beginning and throughout the first year. One regret that I have and I would say is a must is to have a night nurse until the kids are sleeping with a good few hours stretch. You need to be able to sleep normally in order to function & cope and you will definitely need an abundance of strength!
Also, know that is Ok not to “manage”! As long as everyone’s basic needs are being taken care of- lower your expectations of everything else! don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it
And try to enjoy the cute moments you are sure to have and to focus and savor it!
Hatzlacha!!!
One more thing. Individuality. It is hard but remember that although they were born at the same time they are two separate children! Keep them in separate classes from the beginning.
I remember talking to a 70 yr old woman who is a twin. And she had tears in her eyes when she was telling me how no one ever looked at her as an individual. And how hard it was that her sister was smarter & more popular than her and that everyone just looked at them as one lump sum! This was before I even knew I was going to have my own twins but it left such a strong impression on me
Great post!
Mom of 2 sets of twins here!!
Thanks for this! I’m pregnant with twins and have no one to discuss this with. So much unknown… great article!
I wish I had this post before my twins were born! They’re teenagers now but I ran myself ragged trying to do everything myself when they were little. Twins definitely taught me how to accept help that is offered! Take tons of pictures, at least once a day, because no matter how much help you’ll have you’ll be so busy that you won’t remember this amazing and exhausting time and the photos really bring back all the great (and crazy) memories. Also if you can borrow some of the maternity clothing you’ll wear towards the end it’s recommended as the size you are with twins is often significantly larger than with a single : )
Thanks for the post!!! Just had twins a few weeks ago,my first is just 2 so its like having triplets, im trying to figure out how i could get through the day not in a fog, im exhausted. How do people work? Make dinner? Laundry? Lolll
Get any help you can! Your sanity is worth way more than what it might cost you! And learn to relax your standards…
Wishing you lots & lots of strength!!!
As a mother to twin girls baruch hashem i just wanna say that as much work as it is its still more fun than work . You can do it! Looking back the one thing I would have done differently is not try to nurse them . I stuck it out nursing and also bottle feeding for 6 months but it was sooo hard I feel like it wasn’t worth the effort and the babies were much happier when I switched to only bottle feeding. I nurse all my babies for a long time but twins are different and bottle feeding was way easier and also let my other kids help out with feeding them
Just found out twins bH bH with a 2 year old girl now. Had such hard time nursing in with my first, petrified to do with twins would love bottles. How to deal with the guilt though??
Take each day at a time. When I had my twins I said I’m not gonna nurse them. But my Milk came in on shabbos and I was still in the hospital and I was begging the nurse to take away the pain she was a wise old lady and said “I can bring you the babies even one time is a benefit and with that in mind without pressure I nursed them for a full year Definitely supplement too.
I am B”H pregnant with twins, my first pregnancy. So although most of this is theoretical, it is reassuring to know what I can expect and not to stress over being the perfect first -time mother 😉
My twins just turned 2 BH! My advice is to just relax and ENJOY the experience!I never had any help, but I had perspective that the sleepless parts were just a phase that ends… Now my husband and I ????, what do ppl with 1 baby do? They must be so bored ????
My twins are 3 and life is hectic and I wouldn’t want it any other way. One thing I have to kinda disagree, you can do it without help! So many moms of twins freak out when people tell them get all the help you can. Not everyone had the money to get help or have family nearby that can help them. I’m hear to tell you, you can do it without help! Schedule schedule schedule. Shower every day. And take lots of pictures. The first 6 months in my opinion are the easiest. Yes it’s exhausting but once they start moving and having opinions on their own the challenges increase. Just take it all in. Laugh a lot. And enjoy a glass of wine once they are asleep at night
I did have a lot of help and still do, my twins are only 7 months and have terrible reflux but it was only when I let my nurse go that I cracked down on schedule and sleep training cause I knew it was the only way to manage. Also when I had a nurse the second they cried they were picked up, now I tell myself it’s ok they will cry sometimes and nothing will happen . So while I agree that I should get as much help as you could I also see if u don’t have the help you just figure it out a different way
Sorry but I disagree with the line that the first 6 months are the easiest. My twins are 5 months old and I can finally start breathing. Yes, there are different challenges as they grow, but the the first few months are draining , especially if you dont have help, you have other kids and if any of the babies have acid reflux.
Mom of 2 sets of twins
My twins are 17 now and I think that the first 6 months are normal baby difficult! So it’s intense, hectic and full on – your own hormones are also intensified. As they get older being in 2 places at the same time is impossible!
I would say I laugh the most and cry the most with (because of) my twins. They both have adhd, a ton of energy, schooling them was interesting and yet I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Happy for people to contact me and for me to be your moral support!
Great post!! Very useful advice. I have 6 month old twins and a just 2 year old. (They are 17 months apart- basically triplets :)) If I can do it, I promise you can too!
Hi I am the mother to 20 year old twins. Twin girls. Bh. They do grow up. When the time came to start shidduchim is a scary one. Will one get married and one have to wait. Always a worry for a mother of twins. Bh One got married in October. And one is getting married in March. Bh Bh.
It’s defiantly double brocha double nachas. Hashem defiantly gives a special bracha and takes care of them.
Hey I’m so grateful I have another place to express the love and appreciation I have for my twins!
For all the moms with twins, I know you’ll get me….
I’m absolutely in LOVE with my Twin boys!!!!!!!!!!
They actually had their 1st bday two days ago.
I feel super blessed with them. I created a positive vision in my pregnancy and Hodu LHashem every part of it became true!! No kidding aside, my husband and I sincerely hope for another set of twins.
My best advice to anyone with twins
– Take all the help you can!
If you’re not sure where the money will come from, just know that Hashem has enough…… he wants to provide you with all your needs… Be the open vessel to accept!
– Let go from some perfectionism. (It’s a hard one for me but it pays off)
– Enjoy & be present with every moment cz they grow up way too fast!
– Keep your camera ready at all times!
Fortunate Twin Lover Mom.
having twins is so special BH!
it’s nice to speak with other people about it but in the end of the day everyone’s pregnancies, birth and so on is very specific.
everyone’s children are different with different personalities ect.
it’s nice to talk but i always tells people i have no advice! just enjoy
I would love to see an article on super twins (triplets or more). I wish there was a forum for frum women to share tips and advice. I loved this article, as it’s the closest I can get to that…the main theme I see all women across the board recommend – is to take any and all offers of help and to even (gulp) reach out for help. I loved what Rebecca said “be the open vessel to accept”. Hashem is taking such good care of me and I’m already seeing tons of syata d’shmaya in my pregnancy. I’m sure HKBH will continue to be here once they’re born ;). Each day is different. Some days I’m so calm knowing Hashem is and will continue to take care of me and my children, other days I get so nervous and am desperate for chizzuk. Anyone out there with triplets?
Okay, its been 6 months my advice for people with twins:
A huge washer and dryer
Do amazon subcribe and save for diapers
You can do it without help, of course help is great but really its mnagwable
Give them pacis!!! I felt guilty in the geining but its a help when your desperate or if they arent feeling well
The freezer secrion in the kosher store makes a lot of our dinners! French fries, felafel, broccoli, sweet pitatos fries, frozen shnitzel, hotdogs, frozen hamburgers, string beans, deli
DINNER DONE is amazing. The only reason I make non frozem dinners sometimes and make 9 × 13 baled goods
Get out of the house, all the cryibg can get to your head, go to parks, go in walks, visit other ppl w twins and cry of laughter
Mop with those wetcloths is how I mop, my house will be sparkling when they are older
Dont take on any other committments, one kid is so unpredictable amd twins is double that
You need double the undershirts!!
I loved this post!
I’m currently the first time pregnant with twins (!!) and obvsly a bunch of mixed feelings going on.
So far, only my parents and my husband’s parents know and neither of them had a firsthand experience with multiples. Thus, I am really looking for partners in the same situation to chat with and share experiences and twin websites for tips, stories, support, etc…
I’ve googled a lot and so far only found Twiniversitiy.com and Twinmom.com. I wonder if anyone would know of any Jewish website for moms of multiples.
Waiting for a response!
Thanks again for the article and for everything else!
I am also BH expecting twins and also wish there were frum resources available…
Hey, can we be in contact? First pregnant?
Sure!
Its BH my 4th pregnancy.
I would love to connect, but dont want to put my info publicly on the site?
Maybe Between the carpools can connect us?
@BCP, can we make this possible?