You can be there for your son–even when he’s not at home.
There’s something tender about packing up again after bein hazmanim. The folded shirts, the snacks tucked into the corner, the tefillin bag checked one more time, it’s all familiar. But behind the packing lists and reminders lies something deeper:
The quiet hope that he goes back feeling strong, secure, and loved.
And yet, it’s easy to get caught in the flurry of last-minute stress. The undone chores, the messy room, the things he didn’t help with before leaving. But here’s the thing – the final moments before he heads off can leave an imprint that lasts far longer than we realize.
The energy we send him with often becomes the tone he carries for the next few weeks.
If we send him off with frustration—raised voices, criticism, or tension…that feeling can linger even after he’s unpacked his bags. But if we send him off with warmth, confidence, and a calm goodbye, that too stays with him—
Fueling him quietly from within.
Sending Him Off with Calm and Confidence
Goodbyes don’t need to be dramatic to be meaningful. Boys are intuitive; they feel the mood even when we don’t say much.
If we can keep those last hours positive and grounded, it helps him leave with emotional stability instead of guilt or heaviness.
A few small things go a long way:
- A calm tone, even if you’re running behind schedule.
- A quick word of pride: “It’s so nice having you home—you bring great energy to the house.”
- A quiet reminder: “You’ve got this. We believe in you.”
He doesn’t need perfection—he just needs to feel your confidence in him.
While He’s Away: Staying Connected Without Hovering
Once he’s back in yeshiva, the house feels different. It’s natural to miss him. But connection doesn’t have to mean constant communication. In fact, steady, thoughtful gestures often mean more than frequent contact.
You can:
- Write a short note for him to find once he’s there—a few warm lines folded into a notebook.
- Send a letter or voice message once in a while that focuses on encouragement, not updates or pressure.
- Let him be the one to reach out sometimes—showing that you trust him to hold the relationship too.
Love doesn’t mean hovering. It means being there—reliably, quietly, lovingly—without taking over.
Showing He’s Missed, Without Making Him Feel Responsible
There’s a healthy way to let him know he’s missed—without loading it with guilt. Missing him can sound like,
“We love having you around—can’t wait for the next time you’re home.”
not “The house feels so empty without you—we can’t manage!”
You can keep a small ritual waiting for his return—a favorite food, a walk together, or another family moment that signals, you belong here, and we’re excited when you’re home. It reminds him that home is steady and welcoming, not demanding or heavy.
The Goodbye That Lasts
Sending him off to yeshiva is an act of trust. You’re trusting that the love, values, and connection you’ve built will travel with him—even when you’re not there to remind him.
When he leaves with positive energy, he carries that into his learning, his davening, and his friendships. And when he knows you’re behind him—not hovering, not frustrated, but truly proud—that’s the kind of love that stays alive across distance.
So this time, as you pack his bag and give that last hug, take a deep breath. Send him off with warmth. With belief. With calm. Because those feelings stay with him far longer than any snack or reminder ever will.
See more expert posts from Shifra on relating to your teen on Between Carpools here.
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