So many have improved their marriages by using the Laura Doyle techniques. But are these techniques in line with what the Torah would advise us?
By a BCP Reader
We recently received this letter from a BCP reader after we published the post Are You Married to a Figment of Your Imagination? by Laura Doyle -trained relationship coach Chaya Juravel, who teaches the Doyle principles from a Torah perspective. Previously, we had recommended the book in this post.
From our reader:
I just wanted to share that I can honestly say that Laura Doyle book saved my marriage. For a few years I was going down this muddy path. I was getting stuck seeing all the negative things in my marriage and my spouse. It was as if we made a wrong turn and then couldn’t get back on the right track. Of course, it was obvious; my husband was the one who was in the wrong. It was his lack of help, interest in the kids, or interest in me. I was becoming extremely needy but I couldn’t help it. The more I nagged and complained, he distanced himself more and more. I did everything that any desperate wife would do. I shared my feelings, I sought professional help, but it didn’t work. Then my sister-in-law recommended this book.
I read it. My reaction was, “What?! Is this for real? How does this work?” In the beginning, it was a lot of hard work. I had to retrain my whole mindset of my role and how I look at my husband. But after seeing all the positive that was coming out of every tiny bit of effort, I realized, “Wow, this is brilliant.” Every time I noticed the slightest thing I would thank him. Soon I was really seeing all the good he was doing and really became grateful for it all. Not only I’m a healthier person emotionally but my marriage is on a place that I never imagined it would ever be. And my husband is truly a gift. It’s amazing how stuck we get on who’s right and the blame game (and for valid reasons!) My kids are happier too. When there is real shalom it affects the whole mishpacha. -A BCP Reader
So, are the Doyle principles consistent with Torah value? For the answers, you can see Sara Yocheved Rigler’s analysis on the topic in this article that appeared in AmiLiving magazine. Click here to see the article.
One of our readers commented that everything we need to know is in the Torah and we don’t need secular sources. And while that is true, it takes work to actually compile the sources where all the practical advice we need is in one book…and that’s what Leah Richeimer did while writing her book Marriage Secrets. 
In Marriage Secrets, you’ll find some concepts that overlap backed by Torah source and mesorah.
Many feel Laura Doyle’s book is the clearest step by step approach to changing your marriage by changing yourself. However, you must always keep in mind that Hashem is in charge of shidduchim, and that all that happens to us is directly from Him.
For more on the topic, see this post on How to Win Your Husband’s Love.
EDITED: Read the comments below for some additional perspectives and clarity on the topic.
I am a kallah teacher for many years. Recently i Have attended a coarse unknowingly that it was based on this book. As the instructor was teaching the principals of the “surrendered wife” alarm bells rang in my head. Those bells went full force when the ither women in the group were literally crying from the pain they were experiencing while trying to implement those changes in their marriage. I challenge her by asking if she has na haska from a Rav to teach this and her answer was “chochmas bagoyim taamin”! A Jewish home isn’t chochmas goyim it is TORAH! The mindset behind this book is a self-centered self-focused program of how can I get my spouse to be into me/to give me ect… the poison that is breaking many marriages today. Marriage isn’t about our own needs and what we get from it. Marriage is about setting up a Mishkan Hashem , building the next generation while cultivating a close real connection to HaKadosh Baruch Hu! Be careful what you read and listen to. You need to make sure that it aleigns with Torah Hashkofos. As Rabbi Kelleman says quoting Rabbi Wolbe “look at the author and his students- do you want to look like them?”… although there are many good tips one can learn from this book, it is tainted by terrible twisted values that can seep in along with the “good” gained from it. It is NOT worth it! We are so lucky to live in a time where we have so make reputable and talented teachers and rBbanim that can guide us to the proper material we need to enhance out Shalom Bayis.
Wishing everyone a home full of ahava shalom and simcha,
Suri Weisz
Hi Suri, I wanted to respond in particular to your comment, especially because you reference Rabbi Leib Kelemen. I am sure you are an amazing Kallah teacher and your girls are lucky to have you teaching them. I am only addressing your comment to the Surrendered Wife book and the issues you found with it’s teachings.
I can personally tell you that it is a powerful book to read and one that in the past I recommended to all married women. I don’t today since Leah Richeimer came out with an even better book (Marriage Secrets, Artscroll, referenced in this article) that addresses many of the tenets Laura Doyle proposes, but from a Torah sourced perspective. As there is a Kosher version available, I no longer feel the need to endorse a book by a non-jew.
As to the Rabbi Kelemen statement I mentioned above, I was personally told by Rabbi Kelemen, over 10 years ago, in a private meeting as part of Rabbi Kelemen’s mussar vaad that I should purchase Laura Doyle’s Surrendered Wife and read it…not only 1x, but 3x. Rabbi Kelemen did advise that I read it with the knowledge that it was not written by a Jew and is not Torah based, however, that Laura writes of many tenets that align with a Torah perspective and that the lessons I would glean would do miracles for my own marriage.
And indeed Rabbi Kelemen was correct. I am currently still happily married over 23 years because of many of the lessons I implemented into my marriage from that book.
Again, I do want to make it clear that Laura Doyles books are no longer necessary for a Jewish woman to read, as we now have an incredible Torah-sourced marriage book by Leah Richeimer. However, I do feel immense hakaros hatov for the wise counsel Rabbi Kelemen gave me and for Laura Doyles book in transforming me as a wife.
Keep inspiring all your kallahs and helping to bring shalom bayis into so many homes!
Respectfully, Sarit
Dear Sarit!
How lucky you are to have a kesher with Rabbi Keleman! Just by mentioning that fact you reinforced what I said about having a haskoma from a Rav… as you mentioned he said to read with tge knowledge that it was written by a goy. Unfortunately many people forget the importance of having a Rav to guide them with their lives, and will read such books and accept them at face value. Woman such as Chaya Juravel and Leah Richeimer who have taken Doyles helpful concepts and with the guidance of Rabbanim teach them in a Toradige way, spent their time, energy (and I’m sure money) to bring them to the klall. We have gems among us no need to search for diamonds in murky waters…
Hatzlacha,
Suri
I listen to the Bnos Melachim hotline and they have lessons on marriage from Mrs. Rochel Klein’s new book Roles Redefined. This focused on relinquishing control to your husband, from a Torah perspective. To listen, call 718 906 6451 and press 6, 3.
The last few sentences of the article by Mrs. Rigler are missing.
Yes it preaches to do all the techniques for the goal of how to get everything good for me… which is not the Torah hashkafa… our goal is to make our husband melech and the natural OUTCOME is we become Malka, but our goal and the reason why we are doing this is NOT in order to be Malka— which is what Doyle encourages…
I’ve found it is the same mehalech , good techniques to get to our goal also… only if we do it for our goal of making him melech and not for Doyle’s goal of us needing and striving to become the Malka…
Is this book the techniques of Doyle with a Jewish perspective?
I am a relationship coach trained by Laura Doyle. I have been coaching frum women since 2013. A lot of the ideas Laura discusses are congruent with Torahdig Hashkafa. There are also ideas that are not appropriate for a frum women. The motivation for working on marriage is not selfish as Laura implies, it is to create a happy home that will bring forth yiddishe nachas. Her main tenet that a man needs respect, that it is a choice and not necessarily deserved, is fundamental to a jewish marriage, and I think thats why her books are so popular in our frum world. Over the years I have buillt on her approach and have changed it so that frum women can benefit from Laura’s chochma (chochma bagoyim taamin!), without compromising our ideals, keeping to her very practical style so that women can follow concrete steps to create a thriving and happy marriage. Laura’s approach is not for every marriage. I have developed an approach that can help where Laura’s skills fall short. I have also created a community of women who support each other in bringing out each marriage’s potential. Not every marriage has the same potential. The same way that not everyone is zoche to parnassa, health, and yiddishe nachas not everyone is zoche to a very close and rewarding connection with their spouses. Everyone can work to finding happiness in their relationships, to creating shalom in their homes, to making the best of their challenges and the unique situations Hashem has given each one of us. We can all work on bringing out the potential in our relationships, creating harmonious emotionally connected relationships to the extent that is ratzon Hashem.
You can join the Go4Harmony teleconference and support group to gain clarity on how to bring out the potential in ypur marriage, to create harmony within yourself and your home.
For more information: Text/call 917 6004386
Email: Go4Harmony@gmail.com
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515-604-9654
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I have taken Chaya’s course and can attest to the most amazing incites I learnt. Her course can change any marriage 360 degrees. It’s life changing and an investment that’s a must for every married lady! I have seen how my life became so much calmer and my marriage bh is in a great place. These skills definitely are worth trying for every marriage and will keep u going for the rest of ur life. Do it for yourself, your husband and kids. Your dynamics will change drastically!
You realize that changing something 360 degrees is putting it right back where it started.
I was in aishes chayil in Monroe over Rosh Hashanah and one night we were sitting around and talking about Laura Doyle’s books and how helpful they were for many in enhancing their marriages. One lady argued that chochmah bagoim taamin is only if you go looking for it! Poor lady, we all shot her down. She said there’s chochma in the Torah… like the author of this post wrote, it takes time to compile such a list, which is why a book is a much better resource.
Having read Laura’s books I can say that it was a game changer to read and I tell everyone I know to read it.
To the kallah teacher who thought it was selfish, I invite you to read the book and you may change your mind…
Of course, reading a book that’s written by a non Jewish woman who has different values, you have to interpret things your own way.
One more thing to note- Its a zechus to have recieved recognition and an endorsement from gedolim who have been amazed at the change and miracles that many of my clients and participants have experienced. Byachad a Lakewood organization headed by Rabbi Bentzion Kokis, a mashgiach in BMG is promoting and endorsing the Go4Harmony Teleconference. The board of Byachad includes, Rabbi Forcheimer, and Rabbi Jacobs as well.
I just took the go4harmony course and loved the way she translated Laura Doyle into the frum life in a torahdig way. My marriage is better and i am a less selfish wife. My husband enjoys spending time with me again.
I took Go4Harmony course by Chaya Juravel and did coaching with her. I went from years of suffering and in marriage therapy to a happy beautiful relationship beyond my wildest dreams very quickly. Taking her course and doing coaching with her was more effective than any book I’ve read. My kids are growing up now in a home where there is peace and happiness. I never believed this could happen.
Based on a previous article of yours I bought the empowered wife. Yes the “motive” isn’t ahdik but the actual practical steps she teaches dont get more torahdik. I dont think there is any other marriage book that so clearly gives you step by step instructions on how to improve your marriage and respect your husband. I read from the book nightly to help me stay focused. I have since gave the book to 3 friends that also loved the book. I did not know there were frum people teaching her methods and offering support. I am so happy to see that. I think that anyone that has an issue with the book didnt read the whole thing…..
While I read both books – Laura Doyle and Leah Riecheimer you can’t compare the simplicity of Doyle’s book to get across the simple step by step to getting your marriage back on track. You can literally read Laura’s book and improve your marriage within a week since it’s so simple and clear to implement changes. I suggest starting with the techniques of Doyle and and the same time reading Richeheimer book to gain the hashkafa.
Since then I’ve heard that Rachel Klein has a short book version of Doyle’s technique with a Jewish mindset however I don’t know where outside Israel it can be purchased.
There is another book called relinquish control. Same concept as Doyle with refrences to torah.
Thank you so much for referencing my ‘Marriage Secrets’ book (Artscroll) and including a beautiful image of it! I spent 6 years compiling and organizing 220 Torah sources on marriage – with a 3,000 year old track record of success! I am on a mission to mobilize our nation to create a movement to make Shalom Bayis (peace in the home) one of the top priorities of our nation! The more focus and attention we give to our marriages, by listening to as many Torah classes on the subject as we can get our hands on, the stronger our nation will be, and the more menucha (serenity) we will have in this world and the next!
I’ve been teaching the material for a few decades even though the book only came out last year, and have had thousands of women who report that their marriages are the best they’ve ever been – and likewise their contentment and joy in life. The book is endorsed by gedolim, with a bracha and support for my mission from Rabbi Shmuel Kamenetsky and his Rebbetzin. Rabbi Gershon Bess, Rabbi Shalom Kamenetsky, and Rabbi Paysach Krohn all wrote endorsement letters for the book as well.
My latest project is a FREE weekly call-in teleconference and Facebook Live show called, “The Ladies Talkshow” (www.ladiestalkshow.com) which is truly ‘on fire!’ It deals with marriage topics and relationship issues and provides practical tips on how to fix them. I also have a Get Real With Leah show where women call-in and ask their marriage questions anonymously!
ALL SHOW ARE FREE!
FaceBook Live Show – Wednesdays @ 11am PST (Check out the video link for over 50 FREE shows)
Live Call-in #: 515-604-9516 (code: 601500)
Playback #: 515-604-9691 (code: 601500)
email info@ladiestalkshow.com to get reference#’s for over 50 shows to listen to! ALL FREE!
Videos at http://www.ladiestalkshow.com
I’m will be speaking at the Dirshu Convention next week, and in Lakewood etc.
For more information email info@ladiestalkshow.com.
“I’ve read Laura’s book before I knew that a Torah-based book came out. Now that I’ve read both books I can tell you that the only book you need to read is Leah Richeimer’s Marriage Secrets book! Leah’s book is deep and extremely insightful, and also a TOTAL PAGE TURNER!! The writing is clever and funny and helped me get over my own blocks to growth. She has a ton of practical tips that make your marriage great from day one and they are sourced in Torah Emes so they work on a deep spiritual level as well!!! The deep insights she gives help closeness grow immediately! I’ve even started a marriage group for young married women based on her book. If you strive for an awesome marriage, It’s a no brainer for every Jewish woman to read!”
To Suri Wesiz,
I was inspired by your holy and virtuous approach to marriage. I absolutely agree with you that marriage should be a selfless act with no intention other than lishem shamayim. I also agree that in the utopian world that you paint there should be no marital disharmony. How can two people who care about the other ever fight? But unfortunately, you know that it’s not the case. Many of our younger couples are ending up in therapy as a way to maintain their marriage. Many others don’t get help and rather live in pain for lack of other resources. It seems to me your letter was for the utopian world and oblivious of the world we live in. As a Kalla teacher, I’m sure you are aware of the issues married couples are facing.
It may very possibly be the case that when your students call you and you guide them how to shed any selfishness, it works. The fact remains that many are struggling and even if they are motivated to have a beautiful marriage for selfish reasons, then at least they have something that Hashem is proud of. The speeches and motivation you refer to fail to inspire permanent change in almost any woman I know. I’m sure you are aware of the concept of shelo lishma ba lishma. the balei mussar actually encouraged beginning with shelo lisma. Purely.
Besides for that, I fail to see the lack of reconciliation between the method put forth by Laura Doyle and the Torah. May I venture to say that the reason why she is so “controversial” is that she is going back to what marriage used to look like? Her concepts are very much in line with the Torah perspective and there are mekoros easily found for her skills. Other than the motivation, which is not the core of the skill set she suggests, you put forward no concrete contradiction to the Torah. Many rabbonim approve of her method. Personally, I have been to countless highly trained therapists and reputable classes and shiurim and in none did they affect such drastic and permanent incredible change in my marriage like Laura Doyle’s skills have done. I can confidently say that I know that when I follow the skills, my life is bliss. There is no pain like you describe from the woman in the class you attented mistakenly . The only pain comes from the regret of the lost years where I didn’t have the skills and therefore suffered needlessly. My husband is ecstatic at who I am since I started implementing the book and I’m following the Rambams words of respecting my husband in a real practical way now. I want to shout from the rooftops that happiness can be found to all those suffering women. But naysayers push away access with lofty goals and totally miss the boat. I’m thrilled to hear that there are frum books that teach the skills from a completely kosher source and I’m excited that Chaya Juravel teaches her skills tweaked completely for a frum home. That is definitely the ultimate to be able to get it straight from the Torah source.
Chaya Juravels unique approach to marriage is life transforming! It is a must for every jewish woman, Chaya was a life changer. She takes the skills & applies it to your life & brings instant improvement. She has the perfect balance of doing for your husband without getting too resentful.I have joined the go4harmony family &have found lots of supportive anonymous friends that help support me to make the right choices. She should be gebenched for all the Simcha she bought to so many lives!
I thought i had good marriage untill I met chaya! She taught me how to take a marriage from good to amazing! You need more then a book to get that, Her fabulous telecomference & coaching she offers can accomplish that. Thank you Chaya for making me and my husband best friends!!
Dear Suri,
I was in a really bad place in my marriage and went to marriage therapy. ( which by the way is also based on chochma bagoyim as is all therapy cbt, dbt…)
It helped a little bit and I eventually stopped going. Things got really bad again and I was contemplating divorce. At
that point someone recommended I read the empowered wife. I read it and everything clicked. It began my journey to the great marriage I have now. Had I not read it I don’t know if I would be married today and definitely not as happily married as I am. My husband is like new since I started implementing. I wonder if it’s correct in your saying that ‘although there are many good tips in the book, it is not worth reading.’ Would hashem rather me have not read the book and been divorced right now? I’m not sure you understand the far reaching affects of those strong words. Hatzlacha rabba in AL that you do and may all the kallas that you train be zoche to have a beautiful marriage like I have now.
As probably everybody that has read the book and implemented it in their lives … I believe the only ones speaking out against the Laura Doyle approach are those that weren’t zoiche to see for themselves the power that lies within her methods and how extremely transformative they are to a marriage. I cannot fathom how thrilled & happy husbands who THRIVE under these skills would be against Torah values in any way. Husbands who are so happy at home in turn create Wives who are truly happy & confident with their role. Having her concepts brought out in a Jewish book and through juravels course is a big bracha for klal yisroel. Can’t be anything more beautiful than creating happier Jewish homes.
I think we need to have some ‘surrendered wives’ husbands leave a few posts regarding their opinion on this topic for the message to be clear to the critiques on this topic. I second the comment somebody posted earlier ‘”when i am following these concepts my marriage is bliss”
Id like to share my own personal experience as well as those of my friends with our own Kallah teachers. We all grew up in homes that exuded Shalom Bayis and marital harmony. If our parents every disagreed or had arguments, we weren’t made aware. Upon our engagements, we all learnt privately with a Kallah teacher who taught us the various halachos and hashkafos that accompany married life. However, this Kallah teacher as well as others failed to prepare us for the challenges that at times present themselves in married life. Instead, a perfect picture of utopian harmony was painted for each of us, creating the mirage that if we act like an “isha kesheira” that does the will of her husband, all will be well. Married life is a huge adjustment, especially for a 19 year old who just came back from her year abroad in seminary, which could very easily be an extremely self-centered time of her life (that’s for a different discussion). Meeting one’s spouse early on is a huge bracha, but can definitely come along with challenges! To be given the false illusion that everything can be “perfect” sets extremely high expectations for young wives. I had absolutely no tools to cope with any of my marriage’s challenges, because I was constantly fed the illusion that if I do “the right thing” at “all times” all will be well . Thus, every disagreement was a huge deal to me, because it fell short of the perfection I thought was normal. I felt unhappy and at times actually missed my single life- it seemed so much easier, fun, exciting and liberating. You may be reading this in horror, but it’s exactly what I felt! I recognized that I was missing the techniques to make my marriage a success, but didn’t have anyone to turn to. I couldn’t turn to my parents, because I didn’t want to worry them, I couldn’t turn to my friends, for chas vshalom I taint the picture of marital bliss I worked so hard to maintain, and lastly I couldn’t turn to my kallah teacher, who would surely be horrified based on the utopian world she created for me! One of the best days of my life was when I chanced upon Laura Doyle’s book, mentioned in a shiur I attended! The teacher didn’t preach it as “the end all be all” to all marriage issues, rather said that it was a good book with lots of tips that could improve a marriage. I read it and was transformed. I recognized so many things in myself that were causing a lack of shalom and happiness between my husband and me. It was so refreshing to hear that if I worked on myself, things could be better- that I didn’t have to wait for my husband to “change” which was a novel approach to me! The knowledge I gained from the book extends far beyond the breadth of this message, but it suffices to say that it transformed my life. Obviously, only a person with solid hashkafos and true Torah goals can benefit from the book. But I personally believe that someone who will gain “tainted twisted values” is someone who will gain that from any marriage book they read, because that’s what they’re looking for. While many women have to wait years to find these techniques and implement them into their marriage, I am so grateful to Hashem that I was exposed to this mindset early on. Ladies, please let us help young newlyweds maximize their marriages by equipping them with the propers tools and techniques, not vast illusions of marriages that don’t exist. I wrote this message to raise awareness that many young couples struggle early on adjusting to one another and marriage. Let’s be sensitive and do our best to make it easier for all. Everyone deserves true happiness and fulfillment in their marriage, and each person’s means to achieve that are very individual. If it’s Laura Doyle’s book that’s helping, great! Let’s keep our eye on the prize and encourage and support one another to be the best wives we can be.
Wow! Amazing! I think Chaya Jurval makes the approach real and caters it to a Jewish lifestyle. She gives amazing classes. For anyone who wants to see results and change you should take her teleconference!
Wow thanks so much for sharing your personal experiences, so brave of you! I myself have been married almost 2 yrs, and although i always knew marriage takes work , i can relate to alot of what you were saying. My seminary taught us about shalom bayis, but it honestly wasnt very practical. We learned things like ” treat your husband like a king, take out the garbage so he doesnt have to get dirty.” It just gave this illusion that husbands are perfect people and it will be natural for you to respect him at all times. I wish they would have just spoken about reality and told us that things will come up, you will disagree with your spouse and thats ok. You will both learn more about eachother as time goes on, and if you work on it, you will come to understand, predict and appreciate eachothers differences. And that yes, it will not always come naturally to repect your husband. All these things take time, dont expect your marriage to be perfect right away
Well said! I wish your message could be passed along to all Kallah teachers, and if they’re not up to the task to spread such awareness they should be “disbarred” from Kallah Teaching.
I’d also like to add that Rebbetzin Zahava Braunstein a”h gave a number of unreal shiurim on Shalom Bayis and other topics related to married life. They should be available at most Judaica stores as a set. She is an incredible speaker who has a realistic, encouraging, positive approach to Shalom Bayis. I found her shiurim very inspiring, and her wonderful voice and oratory skills have the ability to give just the right chizuk when it’s needed most. I uploaded the CDs to my phone and try to snatch a few moments here and there when I have spare time. Total game changer and highly recommended!
I just bought Leah R’s book and want to recommend it to everyone. They are not the typical things you will hear in a sholom bayis shiur ie ‘here we go again, another book about marriage’, but an interesting, engaging book with so many easy and practical tools to use to help one enhance one’s marriage. Who ever thought of some of these tools? They are so obvious yet this book is an eye-opener.
Thank you!
I commend the many women who wrote to defend Laura’s book. Any book that helps a wife find fulfillment in her marriage and allows her the tools to better accept and appreciate her husband (and most of all, respect him) should be praised! In today’s day and age, with women not only having to contend with their own view on their marriages, but basing how good/bad their relationship is on what they see on social media, it’s extremely difficult to “get it right” without help. An educative book, an inspiring class, an older couple as mentor, is vital. Chaya Juravel, Rachel Klein, Rabbi Epstein (Marriage Pro), Dina Friedman, Sara Yocheved Rigler (Kesher Wife), etc. all offer incredible options. Women who can afford it should sign up to as many classes/webinar series/groups as they can!
I do want to mention an option for women who find the cost of marriage classes not feasible.
Leah Richeimer’s Ladies Talkshow offers all classes, videos and speaking engagements for FREE. Her weekly marriage class is available by Teleconference (for anyone without internet access) as well as on Facebook, where she presents a one hour LIVE show. Topics ranges from “The 5 Secrets of Connecting Deeply”, “Feeling Cherished”, “But I Married the Wrong Guy!”, “Why Doesn’t My Husband Put In Enough Effort?”, “Knowing Your Needs is the First Step to Getting them Met”, “Bringing Out the Best in your Husband”, and so much more. There are over 50 FREE shows to listen/watch, as well as short “homework” videos that ask you to try one tip at home to improve your marriage. Leah’s mission is to spread Shalom Bayis all over the world, and she does not get paid, so all her work is l’sham shamayim. She uses all donated funds from people who support her mission, as well as proceeds from her best-selling book, to pay for a team of talented individuals to produce the best show possible, with clarity of picture and sound. The best part is that any woman listening can ask her questions in real-time, directly to Leah on the show, or email her questions and be provided with practical answers right away. Leah will be speaking in Lakewood, and in the NY area the week of January 9th.
With so much Torah-based content on marriage available, there is no wife today that should feel alone or at a loss as to what to do to improve her marriage. Yasher Koach to every woman that is taking the responsibility of marriage into her own hands and working towards making it the best it can be!
I started reading L.D’s book and immediately found that it could help my marriage, however I did find her to be a little extreme and kept on wishing they had a book the ‘romantic husband’ or something like that. Why do we have to do all the work. Yes us women can make or break a family, but it takes 2 to tango, and I truly wish there was a string force in the Jewish world for men to work on their marriage as there is in the Jewish Womens’ world!!! I am going to buy Marriage secrets and the Empowered wife. We can learn from everyone.
Are the comments only for women…?
I as a husband can attest that Laura’s book is 100% true and effective!
Although my wife didn’t read the book or implement the advice from the book yet, I happened to stumble upon the book in my house which was left from the previous owner, and I peeked and read the book…
I was jumping from excitement, realization, and shock how Laura knows exactly what we men need and how to get us!
My only wish is that my wife actualy reads it and applies it to our marriage which desperately needs some fixing..
But does the book have a mens version?! 🙂
Having personally met Laura Doyle and a big fan of her book and teachings as well as my being a Shalom Bayis Mentor, I’d like to comment on a reference in a previous post which claims that the mindset is self – centered and self focused. The mind set of Laura Doyle is definitely self focused, self focused on a woman becoming her best self and showing up with her finest qualities and best moods. Self centered?! Laura’s mindset is that when a woman shows up as her best self, the people around her respond in kind, treating her well- I don’t see any poison about that!
In answer to Rav Wolbes quote on “look at the author and his students- do you want to look like them”?
Anyone who has met Laura will testify to her humbleness, deep care for others and passion for helping people find happiness in their marriages- as far as her students- I know of many, many wonderful frum women who are now part of her team of coaches and are true role models for a bayis neeman b’yisroel! I also see from the posts how many Frum Marriages she has saved. She seems to have most desirable students!
Her book has been visited and encouraged by many Rabbanim.
In quoting the Rambam – I looked into the source and found brought down in the Menoros Hamaor a conversation where a mother is guiding her daughter who is getting married, “How to acquire her status as a Malka”, and was told, by respecting her husband- seems like the Ramban/Menoros.. doesn’t have a problem with that approach at all. The Chofetz Chaim also quotes that a woman’s most important desire, in her whole world is to have a husband who loves her. – Seems like Laura’s ideas of having a wife feel Love, Desired and Cherished, are in line with the teachings of the Chofetz Chaim as well.
How many frum marriages do you know of that have benefited from Laura Doyles advice?
Do you know of any that have been destroyed?
Which of her ideas seem not consistent with Torah Values?
For those who have not fully comprehended her approach, Laura is very open to applying her skills as each individual sees fit, and admits that no one size fits all and that not every marriage has the same potential and therefore her skills should be applied in a way that fits for each person and the needs of their marriage.
Lastly, I’d like to comment to all of the wonderful educators who are teaching Laura’s Skills from a torah perspective and are doing the wonderful work in helping bring these skills to the frum world.
The Sichos Mussar states on the topic of Hakaras Hatov that a person is not only indebted to those who have directly done good to them but also to anyone who may have caused them even indirectly and unintentionally to benefit from their actions. Having said that, I feel that it is important to remember as you teach your skills, to give credit where it is due by affirming that the skills were taken from Laura’s teachings. If you are building your wonderful shiurim off of her concepts, it would probably be fair to say from a Hashkafic standpoint to refrain from giving off any air of criticism towards her teachings.
Hi Everyone…just joined this email group.. because of the link on Leah Richeimers FB page and this topic is so close to my heart Years ago Reb Gila Levitt gave classes in Jerusalem where I live which were a million times better than the Surrendered Wife!!!!!!! She would say… LLaura Doyle is great…for a goy” when a source goes together with an insight or technique…it raises it to a different level.” And her techniques were also based on our sources!
I also got the advice from Reb Kellerman– was part of his vaad for many years The advice was before Gila Levitt’s classes and Leah Richheimer.’s Marriage Secrets. (and Chavie Juravel’s classes too which I just learned about here.) I highly doubt he would say that today. Reb Levitt’s classes are still on KolHaloshon…she is now training kalla teachers teaching kallas and coaching privately.
If we could somehow get all these women together…Gila Levitt, Leah Richeimer, Chavie Juravel….THAT would be amazing…Mashiach would surely be here…
Having read the books amd had laura trained coaching i got a new lease on life. Firstly, those who didnt read the book have no business commenting on it. I was against this for years amd can now embarrassingly admit i had no idea what i was against. I met my coach because a Rav who is invetsed in helping to save many marriages set me up with her. He showed me in the rambam where it’s rooted and i am forever grateful. I did not read the frum books so i cannot comment. I have just signed up to become a coach through laura and look forward to Hashem helping me save many unnecessarily distressed marriages. For those uninformed, you are not doing this to change your husband. You are changing yourself!so many people commented on my being different and improved in general without knowing anything. My inner self is so enriched and healthy Bh. Your husband just responds in kind by feeling so respected amd does what he always wanted to do…to add yo your happiness, be helpful, fun, and be your hero. As Laura puts it so well…you are changing your marriage (she doesn’t say your husband) without your man’s conscious effort-i couldn’t sum it up better myself! To each his own, just don’t comment without reading and asking daas torah.. may all marriages in klal yisroel be those of complete shalom amd simcha and ones that bring nachas to the Ribbono shel Olam!
Having been in a very difficult marriage for over 20 years, I have read all the above material and took many frum courses and workshops. some based on Laura’s Doyle’s made into “frum” and others were just solid torah haskafah not based on Laura. None of them were able to help me turn around a struggling marriage like when I signed up for Laura Doyle coaching. I received a marriage beyond my wildest dreams. 20 years of intense tefilla. 20 years of drinking up all information i can but no one helped me effect the changes that Laura Doyle did. I am becoming a certified Laura Doyle coach now with the hope that i can help other women build the buitiful toradike house that I was zoche to have.
What made you stay in the marriage after all that difficult time? At year 5, 10, 15, why didn’t you leave?
Has anyone done training to be a coach with leah Richeimer, that would be able to give me inforomation about it?
Yes, the most amazing course ever!!! A must for ever married woman, brings your marriage to a whole different level and you are fully equipped to helping other yiddishe wimen!!!