Practical Strategy for Coming Close to Hashem

Elul is a time when Hashem wants us right next to Him. But how do we actually feel it? One of these strategies will be just the one that works for you. And it can be different for everyone!

Can you believe Elul is upon us? It feels like we just broke our fast after Tisha B’av, and yet, Elul is well underway. We are still largely in summer mode, so we might not be feeling the Elul awe right away. Still, we don’t want to miss even one moment of these special times simply because they snuck up upon us, catching us unaware. 

The beauty of Elul lies in its immense opportunities. Hashem created a time special for us to come close to Him; He is in the field, so to speak, right here beside us and awaiting our return. 

For many of us, though, Elul somehow always catches us by surprise, even though it comes at the same time every year. (Like the son’s bar mitzvah we knew was coming for 13 years, and yet we still find ourselves scrambling at the last minute.) And we want to feel close, but we have no idea what that really means, or how to get there, or really how to start wanting it in the first place. 

So, for those of us I present, 30 strategies to help us achieve kirvas Elokim, to increase that closeness just a little bit. Some are small, simple steps, easy to achieve and will show Hashem —  and  ourselves —  where our heart truly is. Some are far easier said than done, and we might find them too overwhelming to even contemplate. That’s okay. Stick to where you are holding, what sits right with you, with just the right amount of effort and leaving your comfort zone.  Not every tip will work for everyone, and surely you will have ideas of your own. The key is to stick to the journey and keep taking those small steps.

1. Start your day by saying out loud, “Hashem, I want to be close to You.” Even if you don’t feel it, even if you are dead inside (though I suspect if you are reading this, you aren’t completely dead inside) saying it out loud can awaken the spark inside you until you actually start to feel it.

2. Look out for small instances of hashgachah pratis in your daily life; write them down in a designated notebook. Once you start seeing it, you can’t stop. I’ve written here before about my teacher, Mrs. Gartenhouse, who allowed us to begin each lesson by sharing hashgachah pratis. What started out as a bid to have the most stories to share, turned into a fascinating awareness of all of the little ways He is there when we open our eyes to find them. Try it; it’s life changing! 
3. Find Him outside, in nature. The weather is still beautiful, and when you look around at the grass, the flowers, the trees, when you smell the fresh air and feel the breeze against your tired face, it’s hard not to see Him everywhere, right there in your space. You just have to remind yourself as you enjoy nature that this is all Him, all here, right next to you.
4. See Him in your own self. You have a part of Hashem inside of you, and by connecting to it, you can connect to Him. We are often our own worst critics and we can find a million things wrong with ourselves. But take a moment to recognize the precious neshamah at your core, the amazing person you are just by virtue of your tzelem Elokim. Recognize and connect to that spark inside you, notice the way it is at the core of everything that you are. 
5. See Him in His children. You will hopefully encounter some incredible people in the course of your day, and you will be awed by the lengths they go for you, the strength of their character, their level of avodas Hashem, etc. When you admire these people, remember that they too are a part of Hashem, that He created these incredible beings and their goodness is a reflection of the pure goodness of their Creator.   
6. Connect through your children. When you see these small beings, these precious gifts Hashem gave you, to cherish and to raise, you are filled with an awareness of how great He is, how perfect His creations are. You realize too how much you are at His mercy, because these precious beings don’t actually come with a manual, and you can connect by turning to Him constantly for guidance in raising them. After all, you are partners in the creation of these children. Acknowledge that partnership and draw closer to Him through it. 
7. Minimize gashmiyus. Focusing on the material removes our focus from Hashem. If you can choose one unnecessary luxury, one splurge and purge it from your life and say, “Hashem; I don’t need this. I need You more. I want you to fill the space this purge has left in my life.” Or, in general, even if you don’t tangibly cut something out, remind yourself that this gashmiyus is not the important part; it is not the focus. (We know this can be a “shopping” season. One friend makes a real effort to square away most of the pre-Yom Tov clothing shopping before Rosh Chodesh so it doesn’t need to be focus during Elul.)
8. Work on your ego. This is a lifetime of work, but every step will bring you a little bit closer to Hashem. Hashem says of the ba’al gaivah, “He and I are not able to exist in the same space.” The space that our egotism takes up, is a space that is devoid of Hashem. That is not to say we should crush our sense of self. We must maintain a healthy sense of who we are and what our strengths are, but it comes with a healthy sense of humility, of subservience to Hashem, who created us this way and gave us all we have. Haughtiness creates distance, and when we forget that really everything is from Hashem, that all we are and all we have is thanks to Him, it is no wonder that we have trouble connecting. 
9. Talk to Him. Throughout the day, all day, every day. In Your own words, express your frustration, your gratitude, your thoughts and musings. When you get used to tefillah in your own language, reaching out to Hashem naturally, you will begin to get the sense that He is always at your side. 
10. In a quiet moment, perhaps a Shabbos afternoon, go through the meaning of L’Dovid Hashem Ori, the perek of Tehillim we say at the end of davening throughout the yemei ratzon. It is full of expressions of closeness and connection, and when you understand what you are saying, this tefillah can be a catalyst to tremendous growth in kirvas Elokim. Hashem is my light, my salvation; He gathers me in when I have been abandoned by everyone else. How I long to dwell always in the House of Hashem! Once you appreciate these words, say the perek every day this month and access the feelings of closeness it engenders. 
11. In times of sorrow, seek Him out. When you are going through pain, ask Hashem why He saw fitting to gift you this challenge; beg Him to alleviate it and help you get through it. Sometimes, in pain, when our heart is broken and vulnerable we can come closest to Hashem. When we acknowledge that He is the source of that pain, and that it is the best thing for us though we may not understand it, though we may wish it were not so, we accomplish the very purpose of the pain: to bring us closer to Hashem. 
12. In times of joy, seek Him out as well. When your heart is overflowing with a joy so great you can’t contain it, remember the source of that joy. Remember to thank Him, to recognize the shefa brachah that you have merited to receive from His storehouses. Feel His love and feel your own love bubbling up in return. 
13. Through our leaders and teachers. We are taught that the achrayus of a mechanech is great, because to his students, he is the link between them and Hashem; he represents the word of Hashem to them. Their relationship to their teacher will color their relationship with Hashem. When we connect to our mentors, to our leaders, to our gedolim, we are looking at the link between us and Hashem. We are looking at people greater than us through which Hashem’s words are distilled. 
14. We connect to Hashem by emulating His ways. “Mah Hu rachum, af atah… mah Hu erech apayim…” When your child (or your coworker or your sister-in-law) is trying every last ounce of your patience and you want to scream, and instead, you take a deep breath and say, “Hashem, just as I might disappoint You time and again and still, You wait patiently for my return, so too I am exercising patience with this difficult person in my life,” you are coming one step closer. 
15. Do a small chessed for someone and tell Hashem, “I am doing this for your child because I want to come close to You.” The quickest way to a Father’s heart is by being there for His children. 
16. Listen to a shiur with the topic of coming closer to Hashem. 
17. Do mitzvos with intention. Really, the very first tool to help us come closer to Hashem is the one that He placed in our arsenal for this very purpose. It seems so obvious, but perhaps it isn’t always. Every time we do a mitzvah we are coming closer to Him. We might not always realize that because we have become so accustomed to living our lives this way that we begin doing it all by rote. When we focus on each mitzvah, or at least one mitzvah a day, when we are mindful of what we are doing and the effect it has on us, we will recognize that this is the only true path to kirvas Elokim. Everything else is commentary. Focus, before doing a mitzvah, on the words of the brachah, “Asher kideshanu bemitzvosav…” Think that you are doing this mitzvah as a direct fulfillment of His commandment and in an effort to come close to Him.
18. Ditto for limud haTorah. Torah is His word and delving into His words brings about closeness to Him. Our role as women isn’t to sit and learn yomam valaylah, and perhaps, depending on your stage right now, not much at all, but maybe in honor of Elul you can choose a limud that speaks to you, find a chavrusah, and spend a few minutes learning sifrei Tanach, sifrei mussar, even English sefarim that bring out the word of Hashem in an inspiring way. 
19. When you start to daven, remind yourself that you are standing before Hashem. Tell Him, “ I am coming now to speak to You, my Father, my King, because I know you are listening. Hashem, sifasai tiftach…”

20. Hear the shofar blown every morning in Elul.
21. Korban is from the same shoresh as kirvah. The purpose of karbanos is to bring us closer to Hashem. We don’t have the Beis Hamikdash and karbanos now, but we can make sacrifices of our own. Choose one thing that you can give up on that will bring you closer to Hashem. Whether it is a garment in your closet or a book on your shelf, a product in your cabinet or a method of relaxation, try to find one thing that you can sacrifice for the greater goal of kirvas Elokim. Say, “Hashem, this is my korban.”

22. Harness the power of Shabbos. As you light the candles, close your eyes and feel Hashem’s shechinah coming into your home, the neshamah yeseirah entering and coursing through you. Shabbos is designed to be that quality time spent between us and Hashem with no worldly distractions. Make the most of that time to come closer to Him.
23. On that note, don’t let Shabbos slip away in a haze of naps and too much Shabbos party. If you are a Shabbos-afternoon napper, remind yourself as you drift off of what this day is all about. And if you aren’t, you can still hopefully find a quiet minute where you can say, “Hashem it’s just You and me, and we’re connecting.
24. Make a poster that says, Kirvas Elokim Li Tov. Remember, this is good. This is what my heart desires; this is what my neshamah aches for. The part of Hashem that is inside you feels that constant disconnect from its Source, and the closer you can get it, the more you bridge that gap, the more at peace you will feel. 
25. Use the power of your imagination. Close your eyes and visualize what it means to feel Hashem’s presence. Does it feel like a hug enveloping you? A sense of comfort permeating through you? Because it’s an abstract concept, it might be hard to figure out what we are trying to attain, but if you can take that moment to make it personal through your visualization, you might find you have what to hold onto. 
26. Ask yourself what might be blocking you from achieving the closeness you crave. Is it the fact that you turn to unhealthy comforts in your times of stress? Is it the lack of time to be with yourself? Is it anger or blame due to challenging circumstances in your life? Once you pinpoint what is behind the distance, you can begin mapping out steps to rectify it. 
27. Make notes to track your progress. You can keep a special notebook, and as you take those baby steps forward, mark it down in the notebook. You can refer back to it from Elul to Elul and take note of the progress you made and what still needs to be done. 
28. Make your home a place where Hashem’s presence can comfortably rest. If there is machlokes, if there are impurities, see what steps you can take to eradicate them. Even if it isn’t an overnight process, your efforts will show Hashem where your heart is and bring His presence closer to you. 
29. Daven for His help in this endeavor. Every day, when you make your personal bakashos, include a plea for increased connection. He is listening; after all, He is so very close! 
30. And the last one is blank. It is for you to fill in. This is your reminder that avodas Hashem is personal and might not look the same from one person to the next. You need to dig deep and ask yourself, “What can I do to come closer to Hashem this Elul season and bring His presence into my life, heart and home?”