How to get the most help with the least amount of pushback.
Yom Tov season is approaching, and we all know that we need all the help we can get.
Children that help with Yom Tov prep ultimately feel part of the task and contributing gives a sense of belonging.
How do we encourage them to want to be involved and help?
- Pair the child with the right job/chore
Giving out jobs is an art. The art being in giving each kid the job that is most suitable for him/her.
A business coach once advised us to use our talents in the way that is most effective. She explained that for some of us answering emails, for example, comes easy and for another person it might be hard and daunting. Each person needs to do the job that comes “easy” or more naturally, if you will, to them. Otherwise, you risk wasting time and energy.
That made me think about this concept and I realized that although very simple, this is very true. And this applies in my home as well. For example, my kids know that I really don’t mind washing dishes, but I will never dry them. I rather just let them dry on the counter on a towel or on a mat. Thankfully my daughter likes drying dishes. Phew.
So, same here. Focus on giving your children the tasks that they are good at. You might not ask your teenage son to arrange the flowers (although I’m sure some boys would be good at that as well) but you won’t hesitate to have him refill the hot water urn.
Start by creating a list of things that can be helpful to you. This can look something like this:
Put away groceries
Set table
Prepare candles
Peel vegetables for soup
Bake cake
Clean up toys/playroom
Sweep/vacuum
Stock guest room/bathroom
Arrange flowers
Cut paper towels
Refill hot water urn
Errands for driving kids or walking distance (cleaners/library/bakery…)
Now, you can either decide yourself which job to give to which kid, or, you can ask the kids to pick 2-3 jobs each. The goal is to give the child something that he is good at, and therefore, it’s more enjoyable to him/her. This makes it easier for them to do the actual job, more natural.
- Thank profusely and compliment
This sounds funny, but if you want your child to continue to help and to do so happily, take notice. And mention it.
“Moishy, you did an amazing job putting those heavy seforim away! I needed a strong and capable man to do that!” (Moishy is 9 years old)
“Miriam, you managed to make the BCP chocolate chip stix taste even better than when I prepared them! What is your secret?” And watch your daughter blush in delight.
“Mindy, I can always count on you to set the table with flair! You don’t just do your job, you do it with care and passion. I love seeing that!”
Your children will start to love helping you.
- Charts or clear lists DO help.
Let me rephrase that.
They don’t only help, they are the best thing you can do.
Your children (and your husband) are not mind readers. Even if this is a weekly occurrence, they need to know in a clear and uncomplicated way what is expected of them.
It doesn’t matter if your child is 5 and does not read yet or 19 and thinks it’s completely ludicrous and babyish.
I like to use a dry erase board, and list jobs on one side. On the other side I put the names of the children and let them pick their jobs (see section 1 where we discuss that).
This helps me avoid nagging (somewhat) and running after my children to make sure they complete their tasks.
And, it’s satisfying for them to cross that chore off the list! Don’t we all love that part?
You do not need a dry erase board. Paper is just fine. Hang it on the fridge and everyone will know what’s expected.
You can also choose to delegate some jobs, and leave some jobs for them to pick out.
Children like to know what’s expected. And you won’t need to nag remind them.
Happy Yom Tov prepping, and remember, children who help out in the home might kvetch and moan (all normal!!) but ultimately, they are proud of being part of bringing Yom Tov into the home.
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Great idea! Love it!