Have you ever felt stuck on the ‘I have to’ train? The busy frum woman has endless things to do, every single day and it’s far too easy to get bogged down. Read on for my favorite trick.
‘I have to get dinner in the oven, it’s almost time to eat and I have nothing planned.’
‘I have to get this load of laundry up, she has no clean undershirts left.’
‘I have to bathe the baby again, he’s a mess, he can’t go to sleep like that.’
‘I have to get lunches ready.’
‘Have to bring the baby to the doctor.’
‘Have to reach out to his Rebbi again.’
‘Have to start making Shabbos.’
Is your head hurting? Mine too. As frum women, our ‘have-to’ lists are endless. If you take one mother and add one house, one (or two?) jobs, three meals a day, several children, even more bills, and even more laundry, the total equals approximately: very overwhelming.
Ready for the word switch that changed my mindset completely? Turn ‘have’ into ‘get.’ I get to make dinner for this household full of little people. I get to bathe the baby and enjoy some little giggles on the way. I get to make delicious Shabbos food for the people in my house to enjoy. I get to break up the fights, I get to help with homework, I get to sneak some snuggles in at bedtime. I get to, I get to, I get to.
So yes, my list is still endlessly long. But now, it’s full of things that I get to do, every single day. Try flipping some ‘haves’ to ‘gets’ on your list, and let us know how it goes!
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This really made me think. Super profound, thank you for uplifting my day.
I just wanted to add that If you feel that “I get to” feels a bit forced or fake, (hey, its hard to feel like it’s an earned priveledge in the sense that I GET TO bring my crying son to the doctor) try switching “I have to” for “I want to”. You can even use it in conversation and it sounds legitimate! “I want to give him a bath”, or “I just want to put up the chicken soup for shabbos before I go”. This attitude is a game changer for me. It helps me realize that this is what I want not what I have to do as an annoyance. I wish I can say I am at the level to feel like “I get to”, but until then, “I want to” is working great for me!
Wow!! You’re right one small word and what a profound change of outlook!!! Reena please keep sharing and everyone else! Love the non-judgemental validating way you put it down!
I have used this idea to talk about tznius with my daughter. I tell her about myself, I get to wear long sleeves in the summer and when you are older you will also get to and when talking about Sunday school with my son- you get to go learn Torah and when the other boys are bigger they will also get to.
I also try to speak like this 🙂
Wow I love this post so much! So much yes
I love thinking “I get to daven” as honestly I do get to at times! And really makes it feel like the privilege it is.
Really beautiful!! Love this! Thank you
A beautiful thought. Thank you for sharing. Definitely something for most of us to work on
I know this wasn’t meant to be emotional but reading it gave me a lump in my throat. We davened so hard for these “get tos” and we wouldn’t want it any other way. This article is a life changing gift. Thanks for sharing!
Esther F says
Wonderful perspective! Thank you for sharing this!